Promos from Sierra Browne, Daisy Butterfly, Keiko Mita, Marrisa Monet and more.

(The scene is one of Grand Dragon Wrestling Alliance studios located in Tacoma, Washington. Two men are sitting behind a desk. They are wearing a blue blazer with the GDWA logo on the right side. A woman sits between them with a red and brown suit jacket and skirt. The lights start to come up, and “Atomic Dog” by Parliament–the GDWA theme music–begins to play.)

Dunbar: Wrestling fans, I’m Paul Laurence Dunbar with Sam Mutt and Sonya Blade bringing you the Friday Night Tease. Tonight we discuss the World Title situation, the Ironwoman Square Dance Matches at the Fall Moonsault and tomorrow nights card!

Blade: First let me say that it has been a tumultuous summer. With all of the politics and cancelled house shows, it’s been a tough one for GDWA fans as well as superstars.

Mutt: Oh Yeah!? Who’s had it tougher than Sierra Browne? Did you hear the newest crap from the GDWA?

Dunbar: Sierra had some rather poignant comments for the GDWA’s top brass. Fans, hold onto your seats!

Sierra Browne

[Fade in: No music. No fancy lead in. The camera focusses on Sierra Browne, standing with the Cruiserweight championship belt over her shoulder. She isn’t even dressed in gold, wearing a black jumpsuit. She’s not even wearing makeup.]

Sierra: Allison, Denmark, you’ve disappointed me. This is how you treat your cruiserweight champion? I guess neither of you has enough balls to stand up for your employees, do you? Well, since you won’t say it, I will. There’s only one reason the Japanese contingent from the Transnational Championship committee is upset. And we all know what the reason is. I’m a little too dark to go wrestle in Japan. There little angelic Keiko Mita got her ass whipped and now they want to go cry foul. Well you know what, my fine Eastern friends, you can hate me all you want, but this belt. This tarnished piece of tin is staying over my shoulder. You don’t think I’m a role model? Well, too damn bad. The belt can change hands on a disqualification? Fine. Outside interference grants a rematch? Great. Twenty second count-outs. That’s all right with me.

But how many Asian wrestlers do I have to face, huh? Let’s see, I whipped Mita’s ass. You got really pissed, didn’t you? Then I whipped Order’s ass and kept her from the title, too. Uh oh, now there’s a real problem, isn’t there. I didn’t see any of this crap go on with any other title in the GDWA, except the Misfits tag-team reign. Why, I do declare. Aren’t they Black women, too? Why didn’t Radhi Ananda ever lose the strap? She got herself disqualified all the time. I guess she wasn’t black enough to earn the stigma. You want to sanction me. Go ahead. But I promise you right now that I am going to be the worst example of a champion you ever saw. The absolute worst. You may have to strip this belt from me because if you think anybody’s getting a free ride or easy negotiations now? You’re wrong. You try to take away all my power? You’ll see exactly what happens. You’ll see. You can’t keep this sister down and you can’t keep her in check.

[Sierra plucks the Cruiserweight championship from her shoulder and holds it up disdainfully between two fingers.]

Sierra: This belt was always something I honored. This belt was something I worked so hard for. And in one little press conference, Denmark, Alli, you ruined every last piece of love I had for it. You ruined every last bit of joy I took in winning it. And for not having the balls to defend me. For not having the courage, the intestinal fortitude you have earned something new for this belt. Disgrace.

[Sierra drops it from her grasp and spits on the strap before grinding it beneath her heel.]

Sierra: You pushed the wrong woman now. I tell you that.

[Fade out]

Vessey: Sierra Browne disgracing that title belt…I never thought I’d see the day.

Mutt: Hell, you can’t keep pissin’ on top of somebody’s head and call it rain for too long. She got wise to the powers that be!!

Blade: But why the race card? I think it is rather cowardly of Sierra to employ it.

Mutt: Cowardly? It’s courageous of her to stand up for what is right! Everyone knows that this fed and that fed have tried to keep her down… and now we know why.

Blade: That’s rather debatable Sam.

Dunbar: Fans, the Cruiserweight title is the stuff of controversy as of late. And speaking of contraversial, let’s hear from our INTERNET Heavyweight Champion ‘Legend’ Micki Duran…

Micki Duran

(Camera comes up on Micki Duran, lying out in the sun. She is wearing a splendid white bikini and black Raybans. The Internet title is lying on a table beside her. She raises her head up and looks at the camera, then props herself up on one elbow.)

[Micki] You guys never quit, do you? Cameras everywhere I go…well, this week it’s me and Daisy. I can’t wait. Finally I get to wrestle someone worth my time. Daisy, I hope you’re training hard, because I’m going to do things to you your momma never told you about.

(She flips her hair.)

It seems I still don’t have a date for the Moonsault. (She sighs.) Hopefully Daisy can come forward and get some. If not, I might be stuck defending against the Rekka Sakuras of the world. But I’d hate to do that, because then I’d be like some other sorry ex-champion we know, defending against a chump (She coughs ‘Nomad.’)

Now I’d like to address something else. I’m getting pretty tired of everyone always comparing me to Andrea Chandler. Andrea knows I’d kick her sorry ass any day of the week. She can’t lace my boots. Maybe I’ll just have to whoop her like she was my stepchild once for all of you to see, and then you’d shut up.

(She smiles.)

Now wouldn’t we all like that?

(She cackles as the camera fades to black.)

Dunbar: Duran with an all too uncommon smile. She’s been rather uptight as of late. Now she faces Daisy Butterfly who had a classic match with the Legend at Fall Moonsault.

Mutt: HELL! Daisy Butterfly is gonna find out why Duran has held on to that belt for so long. And since Daisy never got to see ‘the End’, I’m sure the Legend will be glad to introduce her to it.

Blade: It’ll be another classic, and one must suspect Sierra Browne will be watching that one closely.

Mutt: Sierra Browne will be watching Officer Order closely. Browne should be World Champ right now!

Dunbar: The WESTERN HERITAGE CHAMPION and Cruiserweight Champion has a match against Savannah Charles tomorrow night in a non-title bout. It shall be a battle of North vs. South. And in Browne’s highly agitated, racialized mind set, Charles better be on her stuff.

Mutt: The rookie doesn’t have a chance. She better stay at her day job at Hooters!

Dunbar: Speaking of Sierra Browne, a friend of hers has a few comments for Micki Duran. Let’s hear from Bloody Mary….

Bloody Mary

(Scene is Bloody Mary in hospital gown , going through a cat scan, blood tests, other medical tests, consulting with Doctor, we can’t hear what’s said but Mary nods serious expression but seemingly relieved at what Dr. is telling her. Scene fades & reopens with Mary lounging beside pool in sunglasses & blue bikini. She sips a drink, takes off glasses, sits up on chaise lounge & addresses the camera smiling)

Bloody Mary: Hi everyone! I suppose you saw the tape of me in the hospital, & I guess by now you see I’m still on the mend. Ahhhhh, convalescence isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I should have heeded warnings before I took on Micki Duran. I could get used to this. Now don’t get me wrong I’ve been training although on a lighter schedule. I have managed to trim down to 145 lbs. without losing any muscle tone.

(She stands posing & sits back down)

I’m feeling much better now, still a little dizzy, some headaches but I’ll be 100 per cent by Fall Moonsault. I’ve gotta say, remembering hearing the fans cheer in my match with Micki makes me feel good as well as all the get well wishes from fans, fellow wrestlers. It’s been good medicine. Now don’t think you’re going to see a softer Mary, I just appreciate the goodwill shown. As a matter of fact if anything, I’ve been quietly contemplating my last few matches & my upcoming challenge. First, Micki, you won fair & square. It was a rough match. I expected that. But I should have heeded the medical warnings. I wrestled at less than 50 percent. (Speaking softer as if telling a secret) Now Micki, I’d be just a tad worried. I almost beat you & I was less than half myself. It was a real rush having the fans behind me. I’m not through with you yet, Micki. I wouldn’t be in your boots for anything right now or ever! You’ve po’d a lot of people for even giving me a match & now I’m ready for you again & I’ll make sure I’m 100 per cent & more next time. I know where you hurt because I hurt you. And I even have the fans behind me…. Ha! Imagine that! Me, Bloody Mary a FAN FAVORITE!!! GAWD, how they must hate you, Micki.

Anytime, anywhere, I’ll be ready! (She relaxes a moment in deep thought then talks)

Bloody Mary: Micki’s in the future, though. I have other business at hand & I’m not doing any other matches till then. Of course I’m talking of the Fall Moonsault. I really REALLY wanted another title shot but here comes this challenge from my good old friend, Keiko Mita! And what a challenge….a hair vs. hair match….HAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!! Ohhhhh, Keiko, Keiko! Was that the best you could come up with??

If you haven’t already noticed I’m not the most vain or fashion conscious person in the GDWA. I’d almost welcome losing this rag mop but that would mean losing to you. If I ever change my hair style that drastic I’ll be the boss of that decision. But…hold on?! This ISN’T about vanity…. nooooooo!!!! IT’S about honor & your being a good Samurai soldier or Ninja or whatever. But you know if you were really so up on this honor thing, according to what I’ve read about them, shouldn’t you have committed hari-kari after losing & being shamed sooo many times?? HUH?? (Pause) You’ve been a thorn in my side for so long. First of all you join up with those vigilantes The Dragon Trio, maybe getting a skinhead do would suit you as you goosestep through the GDWA policing it as you say. Then you accuse me of interfering in your match. Grow up! Sierra Browne & I agreed to watch each other’s backs. I only feel bad Sierra lost because she may have lost a little focus keeping tabs on me. (Slight pause) Keiko, I agree with you, we need to settle this & if this is what you want, you got it! I’ll accept your stupid little stipulation match. BUT I want to add one thing further to cool this. Whoever loses has to make a public declaration to the winner & the audience about our knee incident which more or less sparked this feud. If I lose I admit my knee injury was the result of just a stupid accident, no intentional injury on your part.

If YOU lose, you admit you purposely injured me. Either way we shake hands & put this incident behind us for good! Can you do this? Does this sound fair? See you at Fall Moonsault, Keiko & my dear fans!

Blade: Bloody Mary leaves me with mixed emotions. So much potential, why does she have to cheat?

Mutt: Because she can! And lately she’s needed to. Losses to Lady Tiger and Micki Duran have hurt her rather badly. She could rise back up in the standings by squashing Keiko Mita at the Fall Moonsault!!

Dunbar: Speaking of the Fall Moonsault, Daisy Butterfly met with Sonya during an interview regarding the Ironwoman tournament as well as our NEW World Heavyweight Champion Officer Order….

Daisy Butterfly

(Scene cuts to a GDWA studio, two chairs tilted towards each other. “Atomic Dog” plays as the lights raise, revealing Sonya Blade and Daisy Butterfly seated in the two chairs. Between the two chairs is a blown-up portrait of Daisy Butterfly seconds after her final victory in the 1996 Ironwoman tournament from last year’s Fall Moonsault; her arms raised in victory.)

Sonya Blade: Hello fans. Today we’re speaking with Daisy Butterfly, international superstar and last year’s Ironwoman. With the Fall Moonsault on us again, we’ve taken a bit of time to speak with our inaugural Ironwoman about the tournament, her career since her victory and her predictions and opinions of this year’s Ironwoman hopefuls. Daisy, it’s a pleasure to have you join us today.

Daisy: Thank you Sonya. As always, the pleasure is all mine.

Sonya Blade: First off, Daisy, I’d like you to take us back to the night of September 1st, 1996. Tell us all a bit about what happened that night, and what happened leading up to that.

Daisy: For me, personally, the Ironwoman tourney was my chance to show the world and myself that I was truly a world-class athlete. Deep down, I knew I had what was needed to become the GDWA World Champion. I had Zaranna beat under the lights of Madison Square Gardens, a feat that EVERYONE had told me would be impossible. But, in the first of many screw jobs that would keep me from winning gold, Zaranna managed to hold on to the belt.

Sonya Blade: I remember that night. You two were cradling each other, and you managed to hold her shoulders down for a two-count before she rolled your shoulders to the mat. The referee didn’t reset the count and Zaranna managed to pin you with only a one-count.

Daisy: Yep, that’s the right night, Sonya. To say I was angry and disappointed would be an understatement. But, at least I planted a seed in the champ’s mind. She knew that I could beat her, and therefore I became the biggest threat to her title reign. To put it lightly, I wasn’t in an enviable position.

Sonya Blade: How so?

Daisy: I was deeply involved in the now-infamous bloody feud with Nikita Marx at the time. She herself was dangerous enough to keep the whole Dragon Trio on guard. Adding Zaranna and Dana Wheatley to the chaos of the period only served me more obstacles. I was stretchered out of more arenas than Ma Porter has had hot dinners.

Sonya Blade: (smiling) I suppose that’s one way of looking at it. Take us into the Fall Moonsault…

Daisy: I was a bit surprised that I was voted by my peers to be one of the women to take a stab at being the inaugural Ironwoman. Here I was ranked up there with two World Champions and the perpetual number one contender. I knew I was good, I guess everyone else had finally seen it as well. I tried not to let that go to my head; that would only give me more anxiety. And that same sort of anxiety is what got in my way at Madison Square Gardens. I was the underdog in this event; luckily I had the support of Sachie and Charlotte, who helped me train and gave me the right motivation and mindset to go into the Moonsault already a winner.

Sonya Blade: Your first match was against Ma Porter…..

Daisy: Which was definitely the worst case scenario coming to life. I knew I could beat Zaranna, and I knew I’d at least get a fair and hard-fought fight out of Lanny. But Porter was the woman who most intimidated me. No one could expect what she would do in any match, other than making sure her opponents were barely breathing when she was done. I was scared, but this was exactly the way I wanted it to happen. I figured I’d have to conquer my fear in the first match. That way, everything after that would be marginally easier for me to deal with. The bell rang, and Porter came out swinging. I had only fifteen minutes to try and bring down the behemoth, so my usually defensive style had to change. I tried to become the aggressor, and Big Ma showed me then and there that no one could push her around. She gave me a loss in my first tournament match, making it an uphill battle from that point on. I wanted a win so bad, and didn’t get one. I think that’s what helped to light my fire in the later matches.

Sonya Blade: Later on in the night, you faced Zaranna.

Daisy: It was different with Zaranna. Whatever fear Porter had put in me turned into anger when I got in the ring with Zaranna. This was the woman who cheated me out of becoming World Champion back in the Garden. This was the woman who had Z-Blasted me too many times to count when she could catch me by surprise. Finally, I’d get another chance to get her inside the ring and show her who the better woman really was.

Sonya Blade: Many critics agree that Zaranna showed a hint of fear throughout the Ironwoman tournament; most notably when she faced you.

Daisy: It had to be like this: Zaranna had beaten Lanny before, both in and outside of the ring with her mind games. She had never scored a solid victory over me and had never broken my will with her attacks. I think she seriously doubted that she could in fact beat me. That’s why she showed a lot of hesitation throughout our match. I think she was trying for a time-limit draw. But her hesitation is what took her out of the match, when she got counted-out and I took my first win. Unfortunately, I never did get to pin her before she retired.

Sonya Blade: Did you find it ironic that you and Lanny Manson ended up being the last match of the night? How did you prepare to go into the ring and wrestle one of your closest friends?

Daisy: I had to forget about the Ironwoman tournament and the scores up to that point. Ma Porter had finished wrestling already, and apparently had the whole thing locked down. When it was time for me to wrestle Lanny, I convinced myself that I was somewhere else. I wasn’t at the Fall Moonsault, I wasn’t looking to become the Ironwoman. I had to block out all the fans…this was the one match where the fans couldn’t make the difference.

Sonya Blade: Because both you and Lanny Manson were equally cheered by all?

Daisy: Exactly. I put myself back into the shoes I wore that past April when I first wrestled in the GDWA. I was there, just another woman, who had to prove what she was made of. I had to forget about Lanny’s accomplishments, as well. We went into the ring, shook hands, and took it from there.

Sonya Blade: You shocked the world with what happened next. Not only were not expected to beat Lanny or win the Ironwoman tournament, you actually locked-in the Butterfly Deathlock and made her submit!

Daisy: Sonya, a year later and that still blows my mind! The clock was winding down and I saw my opening. I could have attempted to pin her, but Lanny has so much fight in her that that probably would never have happened. So I had to take a chance. I picked up her arm, slid my leg behind her head and sat down on her shoulder with all I was worth. Time just about stopped at that point…I never would have realized how close we were to the bell if my beating heart didn’t tell me. I twisted and pulled on her arm, waiting for the bell to ring, which I knew was so imminent. The bell rang and my heart stopped…it took me a second to realize that Lanny was tapping out on my left foot! I just about collapsed in the ring when my ears turned the cheering back on. And I didn’t even THINK about winning the Ironwoman title! I was just amazed that I had managed to beat “Fear Factory” Lanny Manson!

Sonya Blade: Most GDWA fans will forever remember the moment when Lanny raised your hand after the match, and the image of you two hugging in the ring.

Daisy: Sonya, most people didn’t know Lanny as well as I did. With the exception of myself and Double-O, she pretty much didn’t associate with other wrestlers; spending most of her time on the road signing autographs and meeting with fans. She was very much the essence of what a superstar should be; giving herself completely to the fans. I think, if it wasn’t for her in the early days after the GDWA became independent, we never would have survived as an organization. She’s always gonna be a role-model to myself and the hundreds-of-thousands of young women who watch the Grand Dragon on TV and see us live when we wrestle in their towns. Despite what you may think, or what her opponents may have thought, her heart was much bigger than her fury. I wish she’d find her way back here, but I know that she’s doing something that makes herself and more people happy with all her social-work down in Los Angeles.

Sonya Blade: How was your year-long reign? Will you miss the Ironwoman moniker?

Daisy: To be honest, no I won’t. The past year has been the hardest year of my life, with most of my battles being fought outside of the ring. I haven’t had the time to enjoy my reign, not after what happened with Sachie.

Sonya Blade: Forgive if I seem too personal, but only just recently did you begin speaking again about Sachie.

Daisy: Sonya, it was only just recently that I was ABLE to speak about Sachie. Sachie Yokoyama was my best friend, she was like my sister. When I received the news I was completely devastated. Before she returned to Japan for the last time, we weren’t speaking. There was so much going on personally with what happened between her and Charlotte and the end of the Dragon Trio. Sachie wanted me to understand what she had done with Charlotte, but I couldn’t. Charlotte was a great friend to me, I couldn’t see why Sachie would turn on her like that.

Sonya Blade: Was it because Sachie had grown resentful of the GDWA and longed to return to Japan?

Daisy: Sachie was a very complex person. In Japan, she was hailed as a goddess every time she wrestled there. Back here in the West, she was increasingly finding herself booed by the fans after her feud with Order. Sachie held to her word, and sadly, the rest of the Dragon Trio was so caught up in the politics of the matter that we couldn’t outwardly show her the support she needed. She was crushed when the fans booed her after the shoot fight. But she knew that I’d stand by her no matter what. So she didn’t care about the fans anymore. She wanted the two of us to return to Japan and wrestle full-time. I didn’t want to leave Charlotte, not with her just becoming the Internet Champion. So Sachie and Charlotte were at odds, and it manifested itself during the tag match against Order and Porter.

Sonya Blade: When was the last time you spoke with Sachie?

Daisy: It was the night she last wrestled here. She had just lost to Bloody Mary, and was angry. We tried to talk and it turned into a shouting match. I stepped out, fuming. I needed time to cool down. When I came back, she had slipped out the back. A few days later, I heard about the crash.

Sonya Blade: I’m sorry, Daisy. That’s a hard way to find out. What’s your relationship to Charlotte like these days?

Daisy: Unfortunately, it’s strained. In the stress and confusion of what was going on around me, I had lost my two best friends. We still talk when we’re on the road, but it seems like there’s so little to say. As hard as I wish that she’d come back and wrestle alongside me again, I know it won’t happen. She’s done a remarkable job managing Lady Tiger, and even though I have to watch her from the sidelines, I’m very proud of her.

Sonya Blade: Speaking of Lady Tiger, would you like to make some predictions for this year’s tourney?

Daisy: I’m not gonna make predictions, but I’ll analyze the competitors, okay?

Sonya Blade: Okay. Start with Tiger.

Daisy: If I’m any measure of what makes an Ironwoman, then Lady Tiger is a shoe-in for this year. We’ve got two things in common. One being the “underdog” of the tourney, the other being guidance by Charlotte La Mancha. Plus, with all the skill that she possesses and the risks she’s willing to take, the 15 minute time limit really favors her, if she’s willing to mix it up fast and furious. Unfortunately, she needs to wrestle three matches against three of the of the best the world has ever seen, so she can’t afford to take too many risks that don’t pay off, or she’s in for a really rough night. With all that she has to offer, I wouldn’t say she’s the underdog. She’s a definite contender.

Sonya Blade: Andrea Chandler.

Daisy: Believe it or not, Chandler is the underdog in the tourney. Being who she is, she’s probably the biggest threat to all three wrestlers; so everyone will be bringing their A-game (had to borrow the expression, Dalbello) against Chandler. She’s probably in for the most grueling night of her career, except for the time that she had Whalen and the whole GDWA on-location camera crew up on her yacht. Unfortunately for Andrea, I don’t think she can step her game up a notch because she ALWAYS comes out with both barrels blazing. Hopefully she’ll be sporty about this and leave the rest of the Syndicate in the back.

Sonya Blade: Do you see a lot of heat between Chandler and Lady Tiger benefiting either woman?

Daisy: I see that helping Chandler when the time comes, if Tiger loses her head. Chandler has become such an effective wrestler because she’s cold and very adept at pushing buttons. Lady Tiger has been phenomenal in this league, but has really remained untested as far as getting emotionally involved in a match. I guess we’ll see how this affects Tiger when the match happens.

Sonya Blade: Medusa Rage.

Daisy: Medusa Rage is definitely a candidate to win it all. She’s got the strength and brutality necessary to knock-out her opponents well under the 15 minute mark. She’s also proved time-and-time again that she’s durable and more than able to give her all even when injured. I just don’t know how the suspension will treat her. She could spend every day sparring at the gym, but nothing can compensate for the lack of stimuli that she’s missed just by being banned from the GDWA for so long. There’s just something about the backstage carnival that you need in your blood.

Sonya Blade: (smiling) I know all about that…

Daisy: By depriving Medusa of that, she’s putting herself at an unseen disadvantage. The spirit and the skill aren’t enough, you also need to absorb the scene.

Sonya Blade: Finally, Officer Order.

Daisy: (smiling widely) Two-time Western Heritage Champion, two-time co-recipient of the Lanny Manson Award and our current and undisputed World Heavyweight Champion?

Sonya Blade: Showing a little bit of favoritism, Daisy?

Daisy: (smiling) May’s been around the block more than any other GDWA wrestler past or present. No one has the credentials that she has, and no one has the experience. She’s in for her biggest challenge, though. She’s surely able to put it all together, without equal. All in all, the GDWA has put together the best four they could for this year’s tournament.

Sonya Blade: I agree. Perhaps next year you’ll try and take part in it once again?

Daisy: Too soon to tell. I’ve just finally begun to put myself back together after the past year. We’ll have to see what the next year holds first.

Sonya Blade: Thank you very much for you time, Daisy.

Daisy: Thank you, Sonya.

(The two women shake hands as the camera fades to black)

Blade: Daisy is attempting to put the past behind her in San Francisco tomorrow night. She faces one ‘Legend’ Micki Duran for the Internet title….

Mutt: and she gonna get beat too! Syndicate runs this stuff!!

Dunbar: Back to the Fall Moonsault, Daisy brought up some interesting points Sonya. Andrea Chandler as underdog? I think the ‘Ritch Bitch’ would differ with Ms. Chandler.

Mutt: And so do I!

Dunbar: Speaking of Andrea Chandler, let’s hear from the Wrestler of the Year herself.

Andrea Chandler

(Andrea Chandler stands before a white wall with a long, rolled-up banner suspended above and behind her. She’s clad in black slacks and a loose white blouse, a sparkling diamond necklace dangling into her cleavage.)

Andrea: Hullo, everyone! There’ve been some pretty remarkable developments lately in Grand Dragon, what with my belt passing from Dementia to Officer Order and such, and in a way that’s a shame — I was /so/ looking forward to righting the travesty perpetuated at Founder’s Day Tradition by re-claiming it from her. Be that as it may, I’d like to be the first to congratulate May Order on a hard-fought victory, especially seeing that it came at the expense of that Caribbean roach, Sierra Browne.

Granted, when you consider the means she’s used to gain and maintain her precious belts, it was probably no real surprise to anyone to see her screaming her submission to the world. Be that as it may, it shouldn’t diminish Order’s accomplishment. She may not care for me at all, but if it matters, I think she’s the second-best champion to ever hold that strap — aside from /me/, of course! (She smiles.) May, I’d like to toss my name into the ring for a match with you soon. Perhaps after the Moonsault. After all, what better way to legitimize your position than to face the woman whom the experts recognize as the hands-down best wrestler in Grand Dragon? And the woman who overcame you during her own reign, for that matter. I think it would be another classic, and I don’t mind telling you that I’m eager to have my belt back around my waist.

I entreat you to consider my offer, and give me — and the wrestling world — a reply shortly.

I have another matter I’d like to address. Hyena Queens, I don’t really know what you expect to gain by calling out my name week after week, and for that matter trying to perpetuate the myth that you fools chased me and Micki Duran from the tag ranks. Au contraire. As I recall, we were bouncing you from pillar to post when a trigger-happy referee disqualified us, realizing that for the Syndicate to control ALL the belts would mean that the rest of you would have nothing to do. I can reproduce a transcript of the match if you’d like to see it. Get this: Micki Duran and I are better wrestlers than either of you could ever hope to be, and we would have NO qualms about stepping in there against you at any time, for any reason. If you’d like to put those straps where your mouths are and face us straight-up, we’d be more than thrilled to assist you in ensuring your reign is a /very/ short one.

Oh, and one other thing…(she runs her hands down her body)…you needn’t worry about Mike Whalen having the slightest interest in you whatsoever. After all, he’s got my perfection at his disposal. Compared to a pair of hyenas…well, let’s just say that there /is/ no comparison. (She blows a kiss at the camera.)

Now for my big reason for being here. I’ve been doing some thinking, and I’ve come to realize that our great sport would be absolutely /perfect/ if it weren’t for one tiny flaw. You see, I’ve always been a strong proponent of a level playing field, of two grapplers being allowed to test their skills without fear of compromise from the elements or any other external influences. But as long as our profession continues as it does, that won’t be a possibility. So I have only one minor change I’d like to suggest to the governing body of the Grand Dragon Wrestling Alliance. And that would be to: (She nods, and the banner unfurls….)

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That’s correct! The sport of wrestling would be purer, fairer, and altogether better without the presence of the screaming, drooling, unwashed masses and their insistence on supporting only those shameless sycophants who appeal to them for approval. It’s because of these beer-swilling, TV dinner-eating, trailer-dwelling rabble that our profession fails to attain the glory and magnificence it deserves. So this is my proposal to the powers-that-be in the Grand Dragon Wrestling Alliance, and my newest campaign: BAN THE FANS!!! Leave them in their squalid, wretched, unkempt hovels to cower before their televisions, kept separate from their betters. To me, this is the final step necessary to bring the kind of grandeur and purity that wrestling deserves. Consider it!

(Andrea smiles, as the camera focuses past her and on the banner’s message….)

Dunbar: Andrea Chandler one of the more arrogant women I’ve ever known. Ban the fans?

Mutt: Sure!! What the hell have they ever done for YOU Paul?

Blade: For one, they pay your salary Sam.

Mutt: Hell! What ya think pay per view is for? These country bumpkins at ringside don’t do a damn thing.

Dunbar: Fans, a classic matchup eagerly anticipated is the 3rd confrontation between Andrea Chandler and Medusa Rage. With comments, here is the suspended Matriarch of….

Mutt: Don’t say it!

Dunbar: (ahem!) Here is Medusa…

Medusa Rage

[Fade in: Twenty-five black 10lbs plates heave up into the air, pumping up and down with a clack. The camera pulls back to study the broad, dark back of Medusa Rage hoisting the weights up in a lat pull down. The camera studies the ripple of the muscles, lingers over the swell of her arms as they exert themselves before pulling back to encompass the entire image. Medusa is focused and intense. She exhales sharply with every pull, her striking hazel eyes positively glowing. She works through the repetitions slowly, working every muscle group through slowly and perfectly. She does twelve repetitions in total before letting the plates come to a rest. She takes a deep breath, reaching for a ragged white terry cloth towel to mop at the angular planes of her sweat-soaked face. She pauses, takes a sip of water from a bottle at her side, squeezes some over her locks and swallows another mouthful. With a careful, deliberate patience she turns to face the camera.]

Medusa: GDWA, time’s up. I’m coming back. I see a lot of people have been having fun in my absence. Tacky fun. I’m not happy about that. Andrea, I’m disappointed that a warrior like yourself would stoop to stealing Lady Tiger’s mask. Is that the best you can do for a spotlight? I pray not.

There’s a standard of excellence that needs to be demonstrated in the GDWA before it all falls apart. The fans deserve it. We all deserve it. There’s a cadre of noisemakers who have realized there’s no one there to challenge them. No one. And they’ve been exploiting their lack of opposition. Even Officer Order, who has shown not ounce of ambition in taking the World Title, lucked into the top spot. Everywhere I look I see chaos. I see disorganization, I see a lack of discipline. The legacy of Medusa Rage, I see. I unleashed the dogs of war on this association over a year ago when I introduced the Misfits into the war. I kept the pressure high. I brought gangs to ringside. I back jumped people. I busted anybody’s head I could by any means necessary. And the style caught on. But GDWA, do you see where it’s led me? Did it win me a title being the baddest bully on the block? No. Andrea, remember your first title win. It came through hard work, individual competition in the tournament. You didn’t run, you didn’t hide behind a Syndicate. You didn’t back jump anybody or steal their masks. Ma Porter, you’ve captured the imaginations of the world with your Organized Crime family. Has it advanced you up the ladder of contention? No. Has it made the league more competitive? No. And now I see Mary and Sierra have come together. Word is they’ve named their clique “Blood and Glory.” [Sighs]

There was a time when I would never call another wrestler a friend because they were trying to upstage me in the ring. There was a time when I believed that the only rules worth following were my own. I admit, I was wrong. And when I come back into the squared circle, I’m going to show you exactly how wrong I was. The power of one, undivided, shall always overcome the power of the many in chaos. Order may be an unnatural state in the world, but it is by far the most potent. Order will instantly destroy chaos. I’ve come to bring you order, GDWA. I’ve come to bring sense back to the people. Will I lead an army? No. I am one woman. And I will prove to everybody that wrestling is always and shall always be a contest of individual wills. All the back jumping, all the gangs in the world won’t save you from the serpent. They can’t.

[Medusa nestles back under the press, grabs the bar and pulls down on it. She glides through twelve more repetitions. Her chest and back ripple in her tight bra top. The cut planes of her abdomen contract and release. She lets the weights come to rest.]

Medusa: In my time off I’ve learned something about what it means to really win. Not just what it means to notch W in a column, but to truly win. It takes a combination of humanity, clarity and courage. I used to think I was merciless. I used to think I was untouchable by human hands. I was wrong. I was very wrong. By setting myself up as a Goddess, as an unassailable entity, I lost touch with what it was like to feel pain, to feel hurt, to dream and aspire. And I began to fail. I began to lose because I couldn’t envision it ever happening to me. I didn’t think I’d be the type to anybody, but it happened. It happened more than once. And from each of those losses I learned what it meant to win. Clarity. I lost my clarity. I couldn’t see the possibilities any more. I couldn’t see the matches. I was a brute, forcing the action instead of letting it take me to where it needed to go. True power comes from redirecting force, not exerting it. And courage. I lacked courage when I marched out with my army of Serpentines. I lacked courage when I organized a gang to face Andrea Chandler instead of losing if I must. I felt fear. I didn’t want to lose my ranking. I didn’t want to lose ground. I didn’t want to be considered second best. I’ve faced those flaws inside me now. And I’ve begun to erase them.

Toronto, Canada — the Skydome. That’s where you shall see these new ideas, my new wisdom take route. Do I have anything to lose in this tournament? Yes. I have myself to lose. If I cannot be Medusa. If I cannot be true to myself and I concern myself with the winning and the winning alone then I cannot win. I face three very powerful opponents in that Ironwoman match. I promise you all that I shall rely on no one but myself to achieve each victory. As long as I exert my humanity. As long as I stay focused on the task at hand. As long as I have the courage to fight and keep fighting. And I shall, one woman against an Association. A woman with no friends, no allies, no concerns. A woman who shall not be ashamed to admit mistakes. Shall not be afraid to make them. GDWA, you’re are being blessed with a second coming. In my hometown of Toronto, you will see Medusa integrate all parts of her personality and you will realize that all that you do, all that you are, isn’t enough to escape the scourge I come to visit upon you.

[Tight close up of Medusa’s extra-intense eyes as the camera fades to black.]

Dunbar: Sam….

Mutt: Don’t believe the hype. Smoke screens and snake oil. Medusa ain’t change at all.

Blade: Personally, not only do I believe Medusa has changed, but I must confess, I like the change. She sounds as sincere as I’ve ever heard her before…perhaps an interview is in store!

Mutt: Yeah, I want to hear it from HER mouth in unambiguous language that she’s *changed*. Bull kaka I say!

Dunbar: Fans, we are approaching the half way mark. We still have a GDWA editorial as well as Who’s Hot/Not with Dalbello Rage…

Mutt: Is Medusa coming back after her suspension is up?

Dunbar: For now, though, here is the GDWA editorial called the “Eyes and Ears”….

Eyes & Ears on the GDWA editorials by Robert West & Ms. Ressler

A recurring theme of discussion and concern among officials, wrestlers and fans in the GDWA is the gang mentality. Lately it seems confusion can be added to this mix. So many wrestlers have forged so many alliances. Many of them have split, formed with others, while still we have many who have remained staunch individuals. It does seem that many of the alliances have had their troubles. Close knit families like the Age of Rage seem to be crumbling from what they were as an entity and have instead stayed as they really are, simply a family of wrestlers, sisters & brother.

Still a formidable presence but many changes in the last several months. Medusa seeming more content to explore her own individuality as a wrestler as does her sister Sierra. Sierra has been flanked by members of her family, however. Dalbello & Indigo have struck out on their own, Dalbello even crossing over into another federation. Organized Crime has added to their roster or rather family with marriage being the catalyst for this alliance. Ma’s boys taking brides in the tag team, The Suicide Blondes. At this time Ma looks to be strengthening her status. Wild West Management remains intact but seemingly benign. Mary makes hints at forming various alliances but as of this writing nothing has come of this and it seems that this stable is taking a breather regaining their strength and maybe we’ll see some positive moves from them.

Organized Crime is probably one of the most disorganized. This family based group has added several non-family members. They are still one of the most formidable groups individually and certainly collectively. However alliances with The Age of Rage quickly crumbled leaving their status as friends or allies very much in the air and it looks from recent talk and happenings a feud or feuds could be in the works. The Dragon Trio was formed as a watchdog group, some calling a vigilante group no better than the gangs they keep on the look for. However their members seem to be on a roll. Daisy Butterfly, Officer Order, Keiko Mita, Jennifer Grier and many sympathizers have seemed to have the best luck. Still a good lot of the GDWA remains individuals. Will these groups still pose a threat in the upcoming months providing a safe haven for novices looking to make a name or veterans settling grudges or disintegrate due to egos, infighting, GDWA regulations? Time will tell.

One up and coming star of the GDWA deserves note. She was last month’s prestigious winner of The Wrestler of the Month. Of course we’re referring to Keiko “The Kyoto Crippler” Mita. Since joining GDWA at the end of last year, Keiko has struggled to gain a foothold and has seemed to find her niche despite some obstacles that remain. Now a contender near the top ten and holding she nearly won the new Cruiserweight division to Sierra Browne. Her chief obstacles remain in the form of one of the hottest feuds in the GDWA with Bloody Mary. This feud has been called one of the most popular by the fans and as of this time shows no signs of cooling. Keiko recently challenging Mary to a hair vs. hair match at Fall Moonsault. Another obstacle is her potential feud with Sierra Browne whom she lost her Cruiserweight title shot too, in a controversial match. Keiko bills herself neutral in her bio but many would surely consider her a face due to fan reaction and her mostly clean but aggressive style. Testament to Keiko’s rising popularity is her rising sales not only in credit for ticket sales but in merchandising. Her T-shirts, posters, and other memorabilia are hot items at shows and mail order. Her recent video of her earlier matches in Japan “Pure Wild” is a popular seller here and of course in Japan.

We recently bought our own copy and was impressed. Keiko was an unrefined wrestler relying on her martial arts skills which she was adept at before entering wrestling. One match of particular interest was her controversial match with an also unrefined raw wrestler, Bloody Mary. Mary learning the techniques of wrestling was still very evidently a brawler. The two seen as a tag team in one match seemed to look promising but then comes the match that sparked their bitter feud. This is the one where Keiko breaks Mary’s knee, a move that Mary said was intentional and Keiko says was accidental. Due to their lack of skill at the time it was difficult to tell. Mary was definitely hurt, facing a possibly career ending injury. However we saw Keiko equally as rough with other wrestlers, injuring a few and being injured but still a game competitor. We’ve never heard of any of her other injured competitors protesting against Keiko’s actions as vehemently as Mary. Which raises another question. Mary since joining the GDWA has had severe beatings, landed in the hospital a couple times at the hands of Radhi Ananda, Medusa Rage, whom she calls a good friend. Also suffering beatings by Lady Tiger, and some full scale brawls with multiple wrestlers.

Right now she’s on the injured list convalescing from a concussion suffered during a brawl and exacerbated during a match with Micki Duran, a match she took against medical advice. Plus she admits to fighting in street fights in her past. Why then, now long recovered from her knee injury is she still so bitter against Keiko? Their match earlier this year and rematch should have been adequate payback since both were injured, beating each other mercilessly. It would seem something deeper is involved here, more of a personal nature. Perhaps, the fact they were a promising tag team? Only they know what’s at the core of this hot feud. One thing is for certain, while it has been dramatic and entertaining for fans it has served to hold back both of their careers in our opinion. These two need to sit down and hash things out. Maybe they can regain their former friendship and glory or just part as amiable competitors. Hopefully these two will work things out after their hair vs. hair match. But don’t count on it.

Lastly, while on the subject of Oriental wrestlers, a recent new federation has opened. Cherry Bomb Pro Wrestling, a sister federation based in Japan. Competition for GDWA, hardly. If anything it’s a compliment to GDWA. While not directly related, C-Pro has borrowed from GDWA in style, been supported by GDWA officials and even had a couple wrestlers cross over. Most prominent, Dalbello Rage and Tiffany Chandler who have already made their marks in C-Pro while still active in GDWA. No doubt at some time in the future GDWA will be welcoming some of the C-Pro wrestlers to the U.S. and possibly some inter-federational matches could be worked out. But that’s far off and C-Pro is quickly getting over its growing pains recently having its first card, sold out. Never mind it was in a smaller auditorium and a smaller market that achievement it still great. A testament to the managerial skills and planning of the fed heads running this fledgling group. May they keep up the good work and fight the good fight. The main difference seems to be in the style of wrestling, C-Pro using the more aggressive Japanese style which sees most of its matches ending in submissions. The matches are at a more hectic pace, which is hard to believe given the chaos of many of GDWA’s matches. We wish this new e-federation well and are anxious to keep up on its action. Welcome C-Pro.

Dunbar: I’m glad to see at least one GDWA commentator welcome Cherry Bomb Pro Wrestling…

Mutt: Sure!! I welcome them. It’s that gutless couple De La Cruz and Denmark Vessey that I have a problem with.

Bishop: And what about Keiko Mita and her Dragon Trio? Bloody Mary vilified her name and claimed she was part of a gang!

Mutt: Well hello to you too Allen Bishop.

Dunbar: Allen, you had the opportunity to speak with Mita, didn’t you?

Bishop: Well, not exactly. According to reports she’s busily rehabbing her knee now that the surgery has been done on it, hoping to be ready for Fall Moonsault. Instead, we have some clips from an interview segment she did exclusively for her Keiko Mita: Pure Wild video, which can be ordered directly from the GDWA and is on sale at the house shows.

Mutt: What the hell is this, an infomercial?

Bishop: Roll the clip Mike Whalen….

Keiko Mita

[Scene cuts in showing a relaxed looking Keiko Mita, a golden katana necklace dangling from around her neck over a black t-shirt with crossed silver katanas. Cut off blue jean shorts and running shows complete the picture. She’s seated comfortably on a couch as a reporter off screen asks questions.]

Reporter: What was the biggest adjustment in wrestling you had to make moving from a Japan based wrestling fed to an American based fed?

Keiko: (Laughing softly) Mainly growing eyes in the back of my head. In Japan most matches are strictly one on one and even if you have friends or allies they rarely interfere in the match. In the GDWA it’s common to seat blind side cheap shots effecting who wins titles and who loses them. So I’ve had to adjust, start making friends, like Daisy Butterfly, and start creating my own stable, the NEW Dragon Trio.

Reporter: Why do you feel the outside interference is so much more common in the US?

Keiko: I think mainly because it is nearly always successful. Many wrestlers in the GDWA will do anything to win and if it works they will keep doing it. The only way it will stop is if the GDWA front office takes steps to prevent it from being successful. Punishing someone after they help someone else win the title is not a deterrent.

Experience has shown this. The only way to stop gangs like Sierra and Medusa’s Age of Rage from running over people to stop them from being able to interfere at will, something the GDWA is unwilling to do. So…..those of us who respect honor and fight for the fans have to take matters into our own hands from now on. There is a saying, don’t complain about the problem, FIX it.

Reporter: Speaking of the fans, are you surprised by the reaction you’ve been getting from the fans in the GDWA? They really seem to have warmed up to you.

Keiko: (brushing her fingers through her short black hair) I’ve been amazed. I’ve never played to the fans or really gone out of my way to make them cheer for me. So it’s been a very pleasant surprise to hear my name chanted, to hear the cheers when I come out. The fans appreciate someone who stands up for honor and courage and doesn’t care who she has to fight or how many. I think the fans can also recognize this is the real me, not just an act I put on.

Reporter: A question relating to one of the matches on this tape, during your match with Bloody Mary, WERE you trying to injure her?

Keiko: (chuckling) That’s not an easy question to answer. Mary would say yes. All I can say is that I was trying to beat her in the ring. To do that I was targeting her knee, trying to weaken it so I could take away a lot of her power. I was NOT trying to cripple her or send her to the hospital. But wrestling is a rough sport, anyone who thinks otherwise will not last long in it. And Bloody Mary will find that out at Fall Moonsault. I’m hoping to face her there and settle this once and for all.

Mutt: So what?! Bloody Mary needs to simply slap on the Claw and Mita will be calling for the bell.

Bishop: That’s yet to be seen.

Dunbar: That feud one of the hottest in the GDWA. And along with the singles ranks, the tag ranks have their own set of feuds. Let’s hear from the Brown Girls first who are striving for the World Tag Team titles….

New Browne Girls

[Fade in: Indigo Browne and Marissa Monet stand before the cameras in cycling unitards. Behind them is a crowded gym full of athletes working out on the machines, sparring in the wrestling ring and doing free-weights. Indigo’s hair is plastered to her skull. Marissa’s braids are pinned up into a top knot. She tugs a towel tightly against her neck, tugging and crushing it beneath her palms.]

Indigo: Hyena Queens, I think you’re incredible. You’re the most important people in the history of the world.

Marissa: Yeah, until you two came along there wasn’t any physical proof that Man came from monkeys. Well, seeing you I’m damn sure we’ve found the daughters of Lucy.

Indigo: I can’t for the life of me think why they give you two microphone time. You clearly don’t know what to do with it except act like monkeys. You’re the Amos and Andy of wrestling. And I find that sickening. You two have always had the opportunity, the power to do so much more with your titles than you have done. You could serve as role models to a people that doesn’t have many that don’t get pulled into disgrace.

Marissa: But instead, you choose to be loudmouthed, tacky BAPS. Let’s see, you’ve proved every stereotype in the book now, haven’t you? I hope you’re proud. Calling us as white as Ma Porter’s ass? That’s real classy girls. And that’s really got us shook. Any hope anybody had of finding a glimmer of intelligence in the two of you is gone. As far as I’m concerned, you’re just a pair of jackasses. Remember when we first met and I powerbombed you onto the floor, Bassett? Expect more of the same. We’ve been working out the kinks in our flow. Trust me, we’ve been gearing up to face you for a long time. You think we just got our courage? No, we just got sense. There’s no point whipping your tails unless it means something.

Indigo: You can take all your little loud ‘ho’ jokes and ‘cracker’ comments. You can throw us a whole bunch of nonsense about how you’re blacker than us and speak your slang. But remember, you don’t have the essential element which separates strong, Black women from loudmouth, what’s the word, riss?

Marissa: Chickenheads? Hoochies? Sell-outs? Frauds?

Indigo: Any of those will do? Hmmm, how did a Black girl who grew up with parents who were a doctor and a lawyer suddenly become a ‘hoodrat?’ Terry, by your own admission you said you came from privilege. Don’t play at being ghetto fabulous. You wouldn’t know a thing about it.

Marissa: Certainly don’t with that tired old weave and that fake fur. Girl, you need to tighten your stuff up. Because you’re gettin’ sloppy in the ring. You’re slippin’ and you’re forgetting the rules. That’s gonna cost you at the Moonsault when we slip by Wren and Frank.

Indigo: If you even make it past Burning Rain.

Marissa: And if ‘dusa don’t bust your asses before we even get a chance to.

Indigo: Just remember, Queens, the title is for intelligent Black women. Not fakes and sellouts. Do yourselves a favor. At least try to lose with dignity.

Marissa: Protect your neck, babies. We’re coming for your headpiece. [Marissa blows the camera a kiss.] Goodnight.

Indigo: Farewell.

Marissa: Good riddance.

[Fade out]

Mutt: Brown Girls got a lot of nerve…wasn’t too long ago they were rulebreakers I was proud of.

Dunbar: Perhaps the Brown Girls are making a change for themselves.

Bishop: Well, the Hyena Queens haven’t been exactly exemplary champions. Great contenders, but have they even WON a match since winning the titles?

Dunbar: Another tag team that has been hot as of late are the High Flying Dolls….

High Flying Dolls

(Scene is Dolls working out in the gym, doing some rough moves on each other, they stop and address the camera)

Lacey: Monica Franks & Allison Wren, what a privilege it is for you to make your debut in the GDWA vs. us, The High Flying Dolls. I suppose you’re anxious to get in the ring with a pair of jobbers like us, easy win, you’ve been told, right?? Welllll (laughing sarcastically) Think again! You see we might just be your worst nightmare, your first real wrestling lesson. We’ll just have to see! You’re going to be the first to get in the ring with the sort of new High Flying Dolls, right Fury?

Midnight Fury: We’ve gotten a little more than tired of the pundits putting us down, losing matches we should have won. Let’s just say these two baby faces are growing up a little. A little tougher skin but still the same sweet things you’ve all either come to love or love to hate. Hey, Lacey weren’t these the two we caught on security camera shoplifting one of our boutiques?

Lacey: (giggling) No, I think they’re the two that work the corner downtown, you know the ones who could use a good fashion makeover. Probably attract more clients girls, come see us, we’ll outfit you at discount. We always feel for poor working girls. Oh & don’t quit your day or (giggle) night jobs right away!

Dunbar: The High Flying Dolls as arrogant as I’ve ever seen them.

Mutt: And what do Monica and Allison have to say?

Bishop: Well we do have comments from them….

Mutt: SO what! They are better off saving their comments for the excuses they’ll make AFTER the High Flying Dolls kick their AZZ!

Dunbar: Let’s hear from Monica and Allison….

Monika Franks & Allison Wren

(The camera opens on Allison Wren and Monika Frank, sitting on the steps of a cathedral. The cathedral bells are chiming loudly in the background.)

Allison: Hmmm….being in a beautiful city like Boston makes you wonder about a few things.

Monika: Like what?

Allison: Well, like the New Browne Girls, for instance. They keep coming out here and saying that we’d better not be rednecks and flying southern crosses and all of that. How many southern crosses have you seen in Colorado?

Monika: Not many. Well, none, really. How many have you seen in Chicago?

Allison: About as many as there are digits in the Browne family I.Q., apparently. See, Girls, there’s a guilt by association that can be extremely dangerous. You think because we’re down with Savannah Charles that we’re both backwater hicks.

Monika: Well, we aren’t hicks…and Savannah’s not as backwater as you think.

Allison: The Suicide Blondes think we have no personality because we don’t come out and talk trash about people. The Browne Girls think we’re easy marks because we’ve never been in a GDWA ring.

Monika: Well, there’s a whole big wide world outside of the GDWA’s doors, and we were tag teaming when the Browne Girls were making doux-doux pies and eating them.

Allison: After we warm up on the High Flying Dolls this weekend, we’ll be more than ready to take on the Brownes.

Monika: Then, after that, we unstrap the African Dawgs.

Allison: Dogs…good word to use in reference to the champs.

Monika: Yeah, well, let’s concentrate on one stupidity at a time. First mark: The High Flying Dolls.

Allison: We’ll see ya’ Saturday, ladies.

Monika: Now get these cameras out of here, huh? Shouldn’t you guys be out filming the fortieth Rage interview this week?

(The camera goes to black as they both crack thin smiles.)

Bishop: There’s your answer Sam! And I for one can’t wait for Allison and Monica to get in the ring. They are one of the more refreshing tag teams in the GDWA.

Dunbar: And if we can get them to face the Hyena Queens or Burning Rain for the World Tag Titles at Fall Moonsault ’97, it’ll test their ability to handle stress.

Mutt: And if the Brown Girls can’t beat them two, I’ll eat my words!

Dunbar: Fans, let’s go to Who’s Hot and Who’s Not with Dalbello Rage!

Who’s Hot and Who’s Not with Dalbello Rage!

[Fade in: Inside the GDWA studios, Dalbello Rage sits behind her desk in an open, magenta blouse with a black bra top on underneath. She lounges before a chessboard. Her head is wrapped in one of her exotic silk scarves and she wears Jackie O big sunglasses. She examines the board and all the pieces upon it.]

Dalbello: Hello, GDWA, and welcome to another edition of Who’s Hot/Who’s Not with the finest eye in talent in wrestling none other than me, Ms. Perfect, Dalbello Rage. The GDWA is like a chessboard, all the pieces being pushed around by unseen hands. This is quite a game we’ve got going actually as the self-centered take on the selfless in that most basic of dramas. Soon Fall Moonsault will be upon us and let’s see who’s peaking at the right time and who’s beginning to wilt.

[Dalbello picks up the Black Queen and sets it on the right side of the board, knocking over the White King.]

Dalbello: It seems fitting to begin with the most dangerous piece on the board, the most intimidating. The hottest wrestler in the GDWA is none other than the ‘Golden Girl’ herself, the GDWA’s first bi-titled champion, Sierra Browne. And so I’m not accused of favoritism let me explain why this is. Have you ever seen Sierra back down from a challenge? I haven’t. And since Medusa went and got herself suspended Sierra’s come alive. The cruiserweight championship and that 10 pound weight loss did wonders for her. She’s so hungry it’s unbelievable. Look at the list of people she dominated, the faster more experienced Officer Order, Keiko Mita, Miko Azai, the previously undefeated Lady Tiger, Ma Porter — a woman 2 inches taller and 90 pounds heavier and Sierra physically dominated her. Sierra Browne put up her Great Western Heritage title twice during the tournament and still met all her obligations. She wrestled hurt. She unseated that useless ex-champion Dementia Praecox. Hell, she has her own line of merchandise and a calendar. This girl is hot. And she isn’t quitting wrestling Savannah Charles and Micki Duran in these last two weeks of competition before going into the Fall Moonsault for consecutive matches against Tiffany Chandler and Jennifer Grier for her respective titles.

That’s quite a feat. She may burn out, but she’s shining like the sun. I tell you that.

[Dalbello picks up the fallen White King. She contemplates it.]

Dalbello: Micki Duran has caught fire herself. Since I told her she was resting on her laurels and wasting her championship by trying to trade it up she’s gone on an ambitious schedule of defenses. Before it’s all said and done, Micki Duran may establish herself as the most dangerous wrestler in the GDWA. Nobody has solved ‘the End’ yet or even come close to doing it. That’s a miraculous feat in a federation where everybody’s finishing move has been blocked at one time or another. I’m glad Micki woke up and showed herself to be the true competitor that she is rather than whining and complaining and using ridiculous logic to prove that she should have another title shot against Dementia Praecox. She’s jumped back up into the top five and if she beats Daisy Butterfly in their upcoming match she automatically qualifies for a shot at the new World Champion, Officer May Order. Go ahead, Micki Duran. Enjoy your run. You earned it in the end. (Smile)

[Dalbello picks up a White Queen, twirling it around lazily as she analyses its crown.]

Dalbello: I’d have to say that just about exhausts our list of the superhot. That exhausts those wrestlers who’ve worked their way into positions to be successful. Now we come to the merely warm. The wrestlers who have accomplished great feats, but somehow lack the true heat of Sierra and Micki. I’d like to submit for your speculation the current World’s champion, Officer May Order.

Yes she unseated Dementia Praecox, yes she finally got to the top. She may even have defeated Sierra Browne in that triple threat match, but let’s be honest. She didn’t earn the belt. That match was originally to be a challenge to Sierra alone, but Dementia decided to kill two birds with one stone. It was Sierra and Micki Duran, that now linked duo, who defeated Dementia. May Order just fell on top of her. And as for beating Sierra. She really had no answer for her in that match, did she? In the end Sierra’s sprained ankle did her in. That and a cock-and-bull partial Japanese referee. But we’re not bitter about that. And I’m not chastising Order, either. I’m just saying the full-time cop has not begun to show us what she is made of as champion. Just winning the belt might make you warm, but you’ve got to make your reign mean something to be hot.

[Dalbello sets the White Queen down on its side.]

Dalbello: Warm. Keiko Mita. She’s a brave little fighter and I really do respect her with every fiber of my being, but Keiko, to me, lacks the intangibles. She lacks the hunger and the craftsmanship that I need to see in a wrestler. Her quality of opposition has been all right, but for the most part I believe I’m seeing a downturn in the involvement of the other wrestlers. I’m not sure I see the same vigor that I did before in Bloody Mary, in Daisy Butterfly, in Radhi Ananda even. We might be seeing a tiering in the GDWA. We have the upper echelon and then we have the rookies on bottom and in between that the mid ground where former competitors are languishing, never challenging, never striving for perfection. Keiko Mita’s in that tier right now, but she won’t be for long. I predict great things for her if she doesn’t get too distracted like Rekka Sakura and let her frustrations take over. She certainly deserves to be ranked higher than she is. I think she’s earned in. Wins and losses shouldn’t really matter. I find its performance that counts. In my mind, though, she is the third of three great cruiserweights today, Sierra and Micki being the first and second respectively. We’ll see how hard she hits when she comes back from her injury, Dragon Trio in tow. Oh yeah, just what we need to kill the competition even more. Another stable. Somebody tell these people all you need is a manager and you can go to town. Why is there fifty people at every match? The undercarders are becoming the only real source of competition and they are clueless in the ring.

[Dalbello allows herself a small sigh as she undoes her scarf and removes her sunglasses, revealing the exotic face beneath. She rolls her neck on her shoulders.]

Dalbello: Time to discuss who’s gone cold and who’s cooling off. Maybe I can pump some life back into the people. Cold. Drum roll please. Andrea Chandler.

That’s right, I said Andrea Chandler. This woman really needs a belt to be of any interest. Yes, she’s got a fabulous record. Yes nobody beats her. Yes she’s the number one contender again. But she’s just going through the motions right now. Did you really get excited watching her rob Lady Tiger of her mask? Was that an enjoyable match to watch? It wasn’t for me. Andrea Chandler has built her post-championship record on inferior opposition and infrequent appearances. She can fight all the Rekka Sakuras, all the Lady Tigers, all the Joe Palookas she wants. Andrea Chandler is playing it too safe and she’s become dull and almost unwatchable. You know what she needs? A worthwhile enemy. Andrea, step in the ring with Sierra, step in the ring with Officer Order non-title, step in the ring with Ma Porter. Hell, you were never better than when you were facing off against Medusa. That got your juices stirring. Now you’re just diluting the league and making everybody nervous by adding an unnecessary Syndicate member in Sally McClane and never really wrestling up to your potential. I’ll tell you a secret, Andrea. It isn’t about just winning. It’s about beating the best. I admit the best are shrinking, but come on. Wake up, go find somebody of your caliber and be as aggressive in getting matches as you are at finding lovers and making deals. You’re rusting, girl. I can already see the drop off.

Dalbello: Cold. Daisy Butterfly. Besides her stunts with Furious Styles she doesn’t really push for the limelight any more. She doesn’t really do anything anymore. She just takes up space in the top 10. Her loss to Keiko Mita appalled me and underlines my point. How could she miss the leg? You know how? She put friendship ahead of competition. If we were anywhere but in athletics I’d applaud her proper sense of values, but since we’re here in wrestling I’ve gotta say, Butterfly, you’ve gone soft. You’re another woman who needs to find a feud. You’re another woman who needs to start up a war with somebody. Ma Porter is around. You baby faces are moribund. I can’t wait until Medusa gets back to stir this pot. It’s clear to me that my sister is the only one of you out there with the balls to win and the balls to lose.

[Dalbello picks up a pawn and places it side-by–side with another.]

Dalbello: The tag-team ranks are getting colder and colder all the time. You know why? Nobody has any personality yet? The Hyena Queens need somebody to feed off of. They need — The Misfits! But I’m gone from that game now. The Brown Girls have tried to pick up the torch, but they need to prove themselves in the ring against the Queens. They just don’t have the kind of personalities that can get into trash talk. Well, Marissa does, but she’s still trying not to step on anybody’s toes. Burning Rain? Who’s heard from them? And the Gladiatrixes and the High Flying Dolls need to go back to kindergarten and learn how to EVALUATE their opponents. They are poor strategists at best. The Double Otonashis have been struggling to get some exposure by taking the oh so tried and true route. I can’t get what I want then I beat somebody up. I respect Kurumi for sticking to her nature.

Hell, the Misfits invented that attitude. But we didn’t beat nobody just for the exposure. We beat them because it was fun. The division needs a savior. I can’t wait til the Harlequins get active. Much as I can’t stand the whole notion of clowns wrestling, these two are the best thing since Doink was Matt Bourne and a heel. Battling Beauties from Beijing, you’ll learn that here in North America they don’t really care how pretty you think you are. If your resume starts and ends with how pretty you are and that you’ve got a little curvy bottom because your spine is bent then stay in China. Look around you. There are beautiful women all around here. And you want to talk about asses? Any time me, ‘dusa, Sierra, Indigo, Marissa or ‘diva drops a quarter round here everybody wants to be our proctologists. And that’s without swaybacks. We just got back, babies. Booty don’t win you matches it makes you popular as you walk out the arena.

[Dalbello smiles, leaning back in her chair and crossing her legs over the chessboard, sweeping all the pieces to the floor.]

Dalbello: Last but not least, the coldest of the cold, Dementia Praecox. Is that too harsh? No. Professional jealousy? Hell, no. It’s the truth. Look, let’s put Dementia’s reign in perspective. She wins the belt in March. Why? Because Zaranna DDTs Andrea Chandler. That’s cool. Many a champion wins through outside interference. But she didn’t do anything with the belt after that. She stalled out forever before wrestling Nomad, the biggest stiff in the top five! She got pushed because she was used. That’s why the Syndicate and the Rages were so disrespectful to her. She was brought in to pin Medusa. Andrea Chandler tried to teach her how to do it so Chandler wouldn’t have to worry about facing ‘dusa anytime soon. See why Andrea’s cold. Dementia does a semi-decent job of it, getting the win over an injured ‘dusa by disqualification in a no holds barred match if you can figure. Then she’s number one! Hooray! Along the way she wins and loses the Internet belt on her first try and her first defense and blunders into a victory over Andrea. Dumb lucky. That’s all it was. Her championship was a disaster not because she wore the belt, but because she didn’t do anything with it. She didn’t make it her own. She relied on Hecate to create ridiculous disqualifications, she stole blatantly from television in trying to burn the face off Sierra. And then she offered a triangle match to Sierra and Order putting everybody’s belts on the line. That’s ridiculous.

Dementia, you were champion. You were supposed to put yourself in jeopardy and rise above it. You never figured that out. You just played it safe and quiet. And avoided the best competition. That is why you were a bad champion. And if you ever get a chance to do it again live your life girl. If you die the next day so what. Like the Black angel said when God took away his wings for dive-bombing the other angels “at least I was a flyin’ muhfuh while I had ’em.” That’s all I have to say. I hope you all understand my meaning.

[Fade out]

Mutt: Yeah!

Bishop: Dalbello Rage has some rather controversial remarks. Some harsh remarks for Dementia Praecox…

Mutt: Yeah, I’d disagree with that one!! Praecox was a good champ.

Dunbar: Well, congratulations to our NEW World Champ Officer May Order. Fans, that’s all for tonight. See you on the Saturday Night Special.



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