In the aftermath of Saturday Nite Special, we hear from Andrea Chandler, Dementia Praecox, Officer Order, Ma Porter and more.
(The scene is the Key Arena in Seattle, Washington. The camera view starts with a distance view of the ring, showing three people sitting behind a desk, a wall of monitors behind them. Then the camera angle starts circling and moving inward as Atomic Dog by Parliament, the GDWA theme music begins the play. Finally the camera stops, showing two women and one man. The woman in the middle has cafe au lait skin and blond hair, wearing a blue blazer with the GDWA logo on the right side. The man wears wire rim glasses and a matching blazer. The other woman is Asian, her hair dyed ice blue, wearing street style leathers in black and ice blue.)
Blond woman: Hey all! Welcome to the -NEW- and improved Grand Dragon Wrestling Alliance’s MVP! Instead of those stay at home types in the Friday Night Tease, we’re going to be following the wrestlers of the GDWA as they go from card to card all over the US and the world! I’m Nina LaRoux, lowly intern for GDWA. To my right is Rod Harrison and the lady to my left disguised as a street punk is Razor Tsuruta, now retired from the FMW and…
Razor: That’s all they need to know! In past weeks everyone could sense something building in the GDWA. Like the pressure in a volcano about to erupt! Well, Saturday night GDWA’s Peak EXPLODED and wrestling may never be the same!
Rod: Whether you consider that a good thing is a matter of taste. If your idea of wrestling is people being carried out on stretchers, guillotined through tables and Pearl Harbor attacks during the main event…
Razor: Hey! I liked what happened at Pearl Harbor.
Nina: Anyway, you have to admit it was an explosive night of wrestling! So much so I heard the Key Arena had to cancel the next two nights of events! As all of you know by now, ‘Rich Bitch’ Andrea Chandler retained her title in a brutal double DQ with Medusa Rage. Let’s hear what the GDWA World Champion has on her mind!
(Andrea Chandler stands on the prow of her private yacht, the Exit to Eden, as it glides through warm Caribbean waters. Wind whips through her tresses as the bright overhead sun cradles her body. Bruises are variously visible on her back and abdomen. She turns and descends to the deck, where she takes a seat for the cameraman.)[Andrea] Hullo, everyone. Well, another card, another dominant showing from yours truly. Don’t believe me? Just ask Miss Medusa Rage, someone who had everything to gain and nothing to lose by facing me for my world’s title. She had oh-so-long to prepare for our encounter, and prepare she did. She trained, she paid other wrestlers to help her, she orchestrated a huge assault on the Syndicate–(she laughs)–and guess what? IT DIDN’T WORK!!! None of it worked! When it was all said and done, it was MEDUSA getting power-slammed, and MEDUSA screaming in agony as I bore down on the Dividend! Despite all the chicanery, and all the injuries she’d dished out previously, and all the SSSSerpentine SSSStupidity, who still has the belt? (She grins broadly, and pulls the world’s title up from beside her, to drape it across her midsection). Everyone knows the answer to that question, I think. It’s still with the hands-down best wrestler in Grand Dragon. You might think I’d be afraid to display my bruises. Au contraire. I cherish them. I mean, I can look at this one–(she touches a mottled spot)–and I can see Medusa Rage, getting a tilt-a-whirl slam! I can spy this one–(she touches another bruise)–and there she is again, getting clotheslined! This one–(another touch)–and there she is, her knee and back bending, as I sink in the Dividend. So you see, I can view my wounds with a great deal of pride…because everyone knows what my opponent looks like.
(Andrea shifts more comfortably into her chair.)
Of course, it was quite a “who’s who” that came out to attempt to dethrone me. I mean, Bloody Mary, Keiko Mita, Dementia Praecox, Radhi Ananda…what a lineup! I’m flattered, really. All that attention over little old me. Are the lot of you that frightened of facing the Diamond Express face-to-face, one-on-one? I suppose you should be. You haven’t a prayer by yourselves.
(Andrea stands, letting the belt fall into the chair.)
Now let me lay it on the line to anyone who didn’t get it last night. I won that match. I had the fearsome Medusa Rage–the best brawler and the worst wrestler in our sport–locked in and screaming. It was OVER. No tricks. No gimmicks. No foreign objects. No outside interference. Nothing. I took her level best, spit in her face, and knocked her Jamaican ass down. Don’t believe me? Watch the tape. Watch me turn her over and sit down. There are some particularly choice shots of her face twisting in agony. It took intervention from that backstabbing bitch, Dementia Praecox, to haul Medusa out. Backstabbing, you say? That’s right. I extended my aid to that lunatic before her match with Medusa, sent her tapes, even engineered a reversal of the top-rope power slam that she employed to perfection. Despite my help, she still got stretchered out. You’re worthless, Praecox. I’ve beaten you–SOUNDLY–before, and if you ever get in my way again, I promise I’ll make what Medusa did to you look like nothing. Consider yourself on notice–payback is coming, Syndicate-style.
And then there are the little opportunists, Bloody Mary and Keiko Mita. Pray tell, what did you POSSIBLY think you had to gain by intervening as you did? Two sub-par talents who haven’t even entered single-digit contention making nuisances of themselves at a Syndicate affair. Ladies, between me, Micki, Tiffany, and the Kingpin himself, you’ve just opened Pandora’s Box.
Lastly, and leastly, there’s ‘Jungle’ Radhi Ananda. I think you’ve got these fine people fooled! They honestly think you came down and attacked me because you’re–dare I say it–a GOOD guy! That it was just you doing the right thing. But we both know that’s not what it was about. You’re as much an opportunist as the other little fools that made the mistake of butting in. And do you think I have ANY intention of rewarding you by giving you a title opportunity? Don’t make me laugh! No, I’ve got two words for you, Ananda: ‘The Legend’. That’s right, you spastic little twit, Micki’s coming and she’s going to twist your limbs off one at a time. You got LUCKY the last time you fought her, but that won’t happen again. You have my WORD on that.
Oh, I just realized–I’ve spent all this time talking ABOUT Medusa Rage. I should spare a moment to talk TO her. Medusa, I know what happened before our match. You saw this blonde hair and these big tits and thought, “She’s just a pumped-up prom queen! She’s no match for the Age of Rage! I’ll stretcher her out like I did all the rest!” (She holds up her hands.) Didn’t happen, did it? You hit Grand Dragon’s immovable object–and ate the DASHBOARD. You KNEW you couldn’t get it done by yourself, so you brought out as many warm bodies as you could to help you out. And despite it all, YOU’RE the one on the mend. I almost respected you, actually. I thought we had the same intensity, the same fire. I was wrong. You’re nothing but a cheap-shot back-alley brawler with delusions of grandeur. Consider it a learning experience, Medusa. Get in the diamond lane again and I’ll mow you down once more.
In closing, I have a message for GDWA President Vessey. Week after week, you’re seeing these matches deteriorate into unseemly brawls, featuring the involvement of everyone in the local area EXCEPT the wrestlers in question. This is getting ridiculous. I was ROBBED last night of final glory because YOU don’t have the courage to level fines and suspensions where necessary. Why is Dementia Praecox still active? Why are Bloody Mary and Keiko Mita still allowed to participate? That was SUPPOSED to be a WORLD’S TITLE MATCH, but it became the same circus we’ve seen so often. If you don’t care about the state of things here in Grand Dragon, then fine. Resign. I’ll see to it that someone who KNOWS HER JOB is put in your place, you worthless bureaucrat.
(She sighs, then strikes a double-biceps pose, then teases her hair a bit. Smiling, she relaxes, and says,)
That’s all for now. See you at Founder’s Day!
(From behind her comes Mike Whalen, wearing boxer-style swim trunks.)[Whalen] Um, Andrea? Did you say we were deep-sea fishing later? [Andrea] Oh, Michael, we left the gear back at the dock. But don’t worry, we’ve had PLENTY of other things to do, haven’t we? (She winks, and he blushes. Andrea grabs some Coppertone, which she hands to him, then reclines on a chair.) Well? [Whalen] Oh! Right…. (He pours some on her, and begins oiling her down….)
Nina: Strong words from a strong woman.
Rod: And for once I find myself agreeing with her. -Something- needs to be done. In this last card, three of the five matches featured some type of outside interference or outside attack. It’s disgusting what is happening in the GDWA right now.
Razor: Whoa, ‘Hot Rod’. What you are seeing is the future of the sport. More extreme. More hard core. And this is just the beginning. Why, if they had just added some electrified barbed wire, a few exploding land mines, and some piranha we could have had a GDWA Death Battle Royal.
Nina: Well! On the subject of doing something, let’s here next from someone equally unhappy with the state of the GDWA, Officer May Order.
Shot opens showing Officer Order sitting at a desk piled 4′ high with paperwork, she is so busy filling out forms she doesn’t notices the camera at first. She looks up and smiles as she rubs her forehead.
ORDER: Hi there, sorry I haven’t been around much. Sometimes the work stacks up on you. I try and balance my life on the beat and my life in the GDWA, but lately I’ve been thinking that things in the GDWA are getting more and more like the streets. Tough and cold, without honor or a sense of duty.
The Camera closes in on Order’s face, as she leans forward.
ORDER: When I joined the GDWA, I wanted to bring a sense of Order to it, to make this a fed where playing by the rules didn’t cost you the match. And I was making progress, for a while. Now things are starting to get out of hand again. After that fiasco between Rage and Chandler, I’m beginning to think that I can’t do it alone, and that’s OK. There’s no crime in admitting that you need some backup. I’ve got a plan and I think that you fans are going to like it, so just hang on and trust me. I’ll bring Order back to the Grand Dragon, you can count on it!
The camera pulls back as Martial Law walks up and sets a cup of coffee on Double O’s desk, he smiles at the camera as he grabs a folder off the top of the stack and walks off.
ORDER: I was glad that I could get the night off to see the match last Saturday, I’m sorry that Rekka Sakura wasn’t able to take down Radhi Ananda, but I’m also glad because that mean I get to take her down myself on Founder’s Day.
Cherry Blossom, if you want to try out your martial arts against mine I’m willing if you are. Just remember that I had the privilege of learning Jeet Kun Do from the creator himself. ‘Jungle’ you’re a damn fine wrestler, a real force of nature in the ring, but remember I spend my days putting animals like you in cages.
Just then another Police man walks over and adds another foot of paper work to her stack, saying “Here you go May” and then walks off.
ORDER: I would also like to extend an offer to Lady Tiger, if you would like to try your savate style against my martial arts, I would be happy to oblige. I like you, you’re as good in the ring as you are outside and you seem to care a lot about the fans. That’s what makes a wrestler great, paying back the fans for the love they give us. I think that you will…
A Loud voice booms off camera “ORDER!”
VOICE: May do you have that report done yet?
A small balding Hispanic man dress in a dress shirt and a lose tie walks up. He wears a shoulder holster and a badge.
ORDER: Almost done LT., I just need to…
LT.: You just need to get back to work!
ORDER: Sorry guys but you heard the Lt, I’ll have more to say soon…
Rod: Now -that- is what the GDWA needs more of. Law and Order.
Razor: What you mean is one of the older than dirt women who a couple years ago were hot. But what has Double O done lately?
Nina: Speaking of the original generation of GDWA veterans, another of the Old Guard, Ma Porter was watching the championship match and had these words.
(Fade in on a room backstage at the last card; the same room where Ma Porter and Tony Angelo were seen scouting the championship match. There is a lot of background noise; the match has just ended)
Ma Porter: I’ll keep this short and sweet. Chandler, I’m glad you won. Now I get a chance to avenge La Cosa Nostra! If you think me an’ all the other founders of the GDWA are gonna let you reign over our fed, youse are sadly mistaken. What better time than Founder’s day to boot your miserable, upstart ass outta my fed? They call you the rich bitch. Who gives a *&$@#~! It ain’t about money, Chandler, it’s about turf…My turf, and some spoiled punks like you think it’s theirs. So bring down your entire cringing Syndicate trash to ringside with youse, it’ll be that much sweeter when I end your career like I have so many in the past. I’m outta here! (She leaves the room) (fade out)
Nina: Ma Porter has wanted the heavyweight title for years, since losing to ‘Fear Factory’ Lanny Manson in the very first GDWA title match. This does raise the question, who do you think will be the one challenging for Andrea’s belt at the PPV?
Rod: Andrea has not announced it yet, but the only real options are Medusa Rage, Dementia Praecox, and Ma Porter. And Porter only because she claims she is ‘owed’ that title shot. Sadly, no matter who it is, I think it is safe to predict outside interference.
Razor: No doubt in my mind, Andrea will face Dementia. Dementia is the #1 contender and she doesn’t have a huge entourage that might charge in at a moment’s notice.
Nina: And no doubt about it, Dementia is gunning for the Rich Bitch. Just listen to what she had to say…..
<Fade in on a dark room. Padding has been sloppily attached to the walls. There are posters of Charles Manson on the walls. Dementia sits in the middle of the bared room. A discarded straitjacket lies to her left.>
Dementia: Medusa Rage, Andrea Chandler, I owe you an apology. I raced to the stadium to prevent the injustice that the GDWA officials called a Royal Rumble. For my belt. But I was too late. And too wound up to leave without causing at least a little mayhem. Besides, you two are slimy. Each of you tried to recruit me to beat up your opponent. WELL I’M NOBODY’S HENCHMAN! NOT ANYMORE!!! (Screaming) EVERYONE THINKS THAT THEY CAN USE ME AND THROW ME AWAY!!!! (Begins hitting herself in the head, then calms down a little)
Staci X, winning that belt will be the greatest regret of your ill-begotten career when you have to defend against me, you obnoxious twerp. You’ve got something that’s mine, and I’m gonna take it back.
Rod: (In a quiet voice): Too wound up to leave without causing a little mayhem? That has to be the -worst- reason I’ve ever heard for interfering in a match!
Razor: Just another example of how hardcore the league is becoming. Besides, Dementia was hardly the only person interfering in the match for no obvious reasons.
Nina: Speaking of that! The Age of Rage assault on the Syndicate was joined by two wrestlers not really associated with Medusa Rage. Bloody Mary and Keiko Mita. Bloody Mary started at #1 in the Rumble and lasted more minutes than anyone else despite taking a vicious pounding. She could not be reached for comment after the card, but she had some interesting things to say in this tape recorded earlier in the day.
(Scene is office door opening into gym, Bloody Mary is carrying papers & seems upset & agitated as she approaches the camera & tosses the papers down)
Bloody Mary: (pacing, running hands thru hair) I just saw the Friday Tease & heard the comments made to me, The Dolls, others, GOT A FEW THINGS TO GET OFF MY CHEST! FIRST, (calms down) Radhi, I’m not upset with you, you’re creating tension where there shouldn’t be any. I respect you, you won fair and square. Yes, I was disappointed you didn’t accept my challenge for the Western Heritage Title. But I was an unknown myself just a short while back and you helped make a name for me, giving a title shot to a rookie is cool with me. We’ll meet again and that title will eventually be mine soon enough, but in the meantime don’t go saying things about me, don’t go putting words in my mouth. I know what I feel and I know what I want and I know how to go about getting what I want. (Starting to get upset again)
Keiko! You’re another one that assumes too much! Don’t worry about my health, I’m 100%, but that’s not your business unless you make it like in Japan, but that won’t happen again, be sure of that. I’ll worry about my health! MEDUSA! Like Radhi I probably respect you as much as any of the GDWA wrestlers! But NEVER, NEVER say anything about My High Flying Dolls, not MY Dolls, I don’t own them, my friends The Dolls. You may rule the roost with The Browne Girls & the Misfits & that’s your business, I won’t say anything that isn’t true about either of them. By now The Dolls & Misfits will have met, win or lose, one things for certain…I’ll stand behind The Dolls. Just a friendly word of warning…that’s one of the few things that really pisses me off, they can take care of themselves, though, don’t worry.
NOW! WHAT REALLY PISSES ME OFF! NOBODY…I MEAN NOBODY….has challenged me for Founders Day! I’m starting to feel like some schoolgirl waiting for someone to ask her to the prom…the days are getting closer & closer & no invitation….kinda makes me nervous…the idea of missing this big event because I wasn’t asked & nobody returned my calls. Keiko! You’re dodging me, smart girl, ha-ha. How about you Nikita Marx, HUH! A lot of you have had ample chance to challenge me or accept my challenges. I’m open, Micki Duran, Vonya, Lanny, Ma, Valkyrie, Daisy, where are you all? Sally McClane, here’s a chance to make a name for yourself or any of you other rookies, you’re as good for a fight for me as any of the veterans. Things are going to change around here (Mary shaking her head). Yeah! BIG things are going to happen….soon….wait & see.
Rod: I’m confused now. Bloody Mary certainly didn’t seem to have anything nice to say about Medusa, so what was she doing attacking ‘Legend’ Micki Duran of the syndicate.
Razor: (grinning): People lie? Both Keiko and Bloody Mary seemed to be attacking the Syndicate, but it’s obvious they were not on the same side. When it looked like Duran was out of the fight, Mary attacked the ‘Kyoto Crippler’. But before that Mary went out of her way to roll Medusa back into the ring.
Nina: Speaking of Keiko Mita, she was -not- a happy camper after the night was over. Let’s hear what she had to say….
KEIKO MITA[Scene fades in showing a Japanese bath house. The walls and floor are a hard, dark wood, and a pool of dark water is in the center of the room. All that is visible of Keiko is her head as she relaxes in the water, stream rising around her. The camera angle shifts, moving closer and behind her until she rolls over, folding her arms on the edge of the pool as she faces the camera and calmly speaks.]
To say I’m disappointed is an understatement. I thought my focus was pure, my strategy perfected through hours of watching tapes. Then I entered the ring and lost my focus when I say Bloody Mary. The great Miyamoto Musahi wrote constantly in his ‘Book of Five Rings’ how important it is to remain calm. I failed too, and so I lost. It is not a mistake I will repeat again.[Keiko shifts in the pool, the water rippling around her as she gets comfortable.]
Now as the aches and pains from the battle fade two names dance before my eyes in letter of blood red. Two wrestlers still fill my thoughts, issues unresolved. ‘Brilliant’ Tiffany Chandler! Do I have your attention now? Do you finally consider me worthy of notice? If not for someone else choosing to save you, you were just a couple of seconds from the Kyoto Crippler changing your name to ‘Bloody’ Tiffany. Once again I’m challenging you. One on one, in the ring. Andrea Chandler has warned me to sleep with one eye open. Does this mean she doesn’t believe you can handle me in the ring so you will have to resort to sneak attacks while I sleep? You will find a warrior is always prepared for battle, Tiffany. -Always-.[Keiko’s eyes narrow and her lips curl back in a sneer before with visible effort she calms herself, taking a deep breath before continuing in a cold cold voice.]
Bloody Mary. How did it feel to be busted open by the Kyoto Crippler? How did it feel to be helpless in the corner, only to be saved by the Supermodel entering the ring? It must not have felt good, because later that night you -attacked- me from behind! While I was -destroying- the younger Chandler. Is that the only way you feel you can take me, Mary? I hope not because I’m challenging you! Anytime. Anyplace. When you blindsided me, you made a -big- mistake, Mary. Until then I thought you at least knew a little of honor. I thought you would at least have the courage to fight me face to face. Obviously, I was wrong.[It looks like she is about to say more, then she just shakes her head, sliding back into the steaming water of the pool as the scene fades.]
Razor: No doubt what Keiko Mita is thinking! I doubt Bloody Mary will fight her right away, she is too badly injured. But when they do meet, watch out!
Rod: I’m still wondering what both of their relationship with Medusa is.
They joined in jumping the Syndicate for a reason, but no one yet has said why.
Nina: Keiko had some strong comments about the Chandlers, especially the younger Tiffany Chandler. Let’s see what she had to say following the match.
TIFFANY CHANDLER[Reporters are in the lobby of Tiffany Chandler’s office. Murmurs of “Where is she?”, “We have a deadline”, “Where is the bitch anyways?” are heard. The door opens and finally she steps out. Two men on each side of her. She’s dressed up very fashionable, but also very businesslike. She sports a small bandage on the upper right part of her forehead.] [Tiffany] If we can have it just a little quiet in here, I’ll make a statement. [Everyone hushes and the rooms becomes somewhat quiet.]
First, I will let everyone know that I stand behind my comments regarding the “So-Called Supermodel” Eleanor Royal. She’s a fake and a fraud and she knows it. She can deny it all she wants, but she knows that I know the truth.[Reporter] Miss Chandler… [Tiffany] Shut up! Did I say you could utter a word? Boys… throw him outta here… [The two gentlemen pick up the ‘insolent’ reporter and proceed to eject him from the room] [Tiffany] Can I continue? Fine. Now, let me make one other thing perfectly clear. Keiko Mita. I heard your challenge, but you see I was rather busy at the time. I didn’t have time for any of your foolishness. However, since you made it your business to get into my business this past weekend, I’ll accept your silly challenge for the next card. It’ll be another reason to prove why Tiffany Chandler is the “next big thing” in the GDWA. Are there any questions now? [The reporters start to throw out questions, but Tiffany waves them off] [Tiffany] I didn’t think so. [Tiffany turns and walks back into her office, slamming the door behind her.]
Rod: Tiffany obvious not in much of a mood to talk about this.
Razor: Give the junior Chandler time. She’s not off to the type of start she wanted in the GDWA and has to be feeling the pressure from Andrea to win. If she has half the ability of Andrea, she’ll still be a star.
Nina: And Tiffany is not the only rising star in the GDWA off to a rough start. Rekka Sakura was -squashed-! by ‘Jungle’ Radhi Ananda and was lucky to come away from that unhurt. It’s obvious she’s not given up on defeating the W.H. Champ, as these comments show.
REKKA SAKURA[Open camera on the locker room after the card, Rekka Sakura is lying down getting a good back massage from Yukio]
Yukio: [mocking Rekka] ‘Oh, I’m ready, I’ve been training and Radhi Ananda doesn’t stand a chance! Wildfire!’ What the hell is that crap? Dammit Rekka you weren’t prepared!! You went to a match with head screwed on backwards and look what it got you!!How’s the back? [Slaps Rekka’s back HARD]
Rekka: OWW!! OK, I was cocky but Radhi isn’t a wrestler, she’s a savage!! If she would bother to wrestle me and not ravage me maybe we could put on a great match. It’s not my fault she’s the Hulk Hogan of women’s wrestling when it comes wrestling skill!!
Yukio: [smacks Rekka upside her head] FOOL!! Have I wasted precious hours of my life just to hear cry that you lost? The only way to prove yourself is to get the ring with Radhi and become twice the savage she is!! You didn’t think and that cost you!!
Rekka: [Shocked] I… I… [Her eyes narrow and the glint in her eyes return] You’re right Yukio!! RADHI!!! YOU THINK THIS IS OVER? THINK TWICE BECAUSE I DON’T GIVE UP THAT EASILY!! [Lowers a voice and laughs] you think some minor back injury is going to slow me down? THINK AGAIN!! Let me make this perfectly clear… from this point on you are the reason why I compete, I don’t want to take your stupid title… I just want everyone to know that a REAL WRESTLER can beat a savage like you. I’m not saying it will be easy, but one way or another I will beat you!!
Yukio: [chuckles] FINE!! You want to beat her? Then tomorrow 5 am we begin training, you want to beat Radhi Rekka? FINE!! Then you do exactly as I tell you from this point on ne?
Rekka: [bows her head] Hai sensei!!
Yukio: When I’m done with you Radhi won’t know what hit her!!![Fade out]
Rod: You know, I’m not a wrestler, but I can’t help but think that Rekka’s best way of beating the savage Radhi Ananda might not be to try and out savage her. That is Ananda’s game.
Razor: Her trainer has the right idea. The kid needs to toughen up, quit worrying about how she looks and what the fans think. Hey, if she shows promise, maybe I’ll even show her my old trick of taping the hands so they don’t notice the razor blades hidden in the tape until it is too late.
Rod: (looking pale): Razor blades?
Nina: Before this sinks any lower, let’s move onto our next clip. Rekka Sakura still has the Western Heritage champ on her mind and it’s obvious Radhi Ananda has not forgotten the Burning Cherry Blossom either!
(SCENE: A tranquil, yet eerily aged large stone fountain. A statue depicts an elephant-headed man, spitting water from his trunk into the basin below. He sits cross legged and holds one hand out, palm exposed. Dwarfed by this fountain and standing in its shadow is “JUNGLE” RADHI ANANDA, the GDWA Western Heritage championship on her shoulder…)
Radhi: Sakura, you proved yourself even more foolish than I had originally thought. You speak of your vaunted skill, yet you decide the path to the kingdom would be to abandon your rationality and attempt to out-savage this one. You cannot defeat me through a blind instinct you have never honed. You’re fortunate that I was blessed with peace on that evening and that the officials decided to stop the carnage. You had unearthed a rage within me that would have ended any dreams you ever had; yet when I saw Officer Order sitting among the people, I instantly bottled my anger. Sakura, you will be a champion one day. But not today, not with my kingdom. There is but one woman that can stake such a challenge. Officer May Order.
Order, you have presented me with a dilemma that I have not prepared for. TRUE combat with a TRUE warrior. One who holds an equal passion as I for the Western Heritage title. You cannot fake such things that I hear in your voice and see in your eyes. Come Founder’s Day, we will battle again and I will do all I can to retain my empire. May the Black Mother be with me, but should you prove to be a better woman that night I will pass my belt to you with the same honor that I carried it with.
Razor: Talk about honor all you want, Radhi, but some of us know what -really- motivates you and it’s -not- honor.
Rod: I disagree. Radhi is the only champ in the GDWA talking about honor and actually respecting her opponent. I think Order v. Radhi at Founders Day could be a classic.
Nina: Wow! And speaking of Double O, I understand that following the MVP, Martial Law, May Order’s manager, will be appearing on SFPD – Life on the Beat. We were lucky enough to get a clip from the show.
The camera opens on a shot of the front seat of a patrol car, shot from the back seat. Martial Law is driving, and talking to the camera men.
LAW: yea, usually it’s quite this time of night except for the domestic violence calls, and the drunk driving calls, and the muggings and the robberies, and the drive by shootings, and the …
Just then a large Red Caddy runs a red light right in front of the police car, Martial Law turns to follow and as he closes we can see the license plate reads “MUTT1”. We can also see a GDWA bumper sticker on the back.
LAW: This is too good to be true … hold on boys he may try and run.
Martial Law hits the lights, and the car pulls over, inside we can see a large slightly balding man, as he looks back over his shoulder we see it’s none other than Sam Mutt, color commentator for the GDWA. Law gets out of the car and the camera follows.
MUTT: Ah man what’s this SH**T! You got nothing better to do but hassle me?
LAW: License and registration please…
MUTT: WHAT? You ain’t got no reason to be…
LAW: LICENSE AND REGISTRATION PLEASE
Mutt grumbles as he fishes both out and hands them over to the Man.
LAW: Mister Mutt do you know why I stopped you?
MUTT: ’cause you ain’t go nothing better to do?
LAW: no Sir, more like you ran a red light. Have you been drinking tonight?
MUTT: I’m over 21, so what?
LAW: Please step out of the car sir.
MUTT: ah MAN, you ain’t got nothing better to do that hassle me?
Mutt slowly get out of the car and runs through the DUI tests. A montage of him walking a straight line, touching his nose with his head tilted back, saying his ABC’s.
LAW: Ok Mr. Mutt, I just need you to sign this and you can be on your way.
MUTT: but I passed all your F**kin’ tests
LAW: You did run that light sir
Martial Law finishes filling out the ticket and hands it to Sam Mutt to be signed.
MUTT: geeze I can’t believe you ain’t got nothing better to do
LAW: Like hone my managerial skills?
Mutt looks up at Martial Law and the camera with rage his eyes as he hands back the signed ticket. Law just grins at him.
LAW: Have a nice day Sir.
Razor: Great….How much you wanna bet I’m next on the list of GDWA announcers to get harassed or arrested.
Rod: (muttering): If we could only be so lucky….
Nina: Officer Order issued a number of challenges, mostly to young fan favorites. One of those was Lady Tiger, but the young French woman’s mind seems to be on someone else, as we can see here….
LADY TIGER[The scene opens up inside a small corner store. A few customers are scattered about the store, buying various food items, magazines, etc. The store owner is standing behind the counter, a nervous look on his face. He keeps glancing over to the magazine rack, where GDWA’s masked lady is flipping through the latest issue of Sports Illustrated)
Lady Tiger: “Sexy” Sally McClane. Nice photo shoot. I would like to know the strings you had to pull to get yourself in Sports Illustrated this early. Regardless of any oversees experience, you are a rookie to Grand Dragon, as am I.[She throws the issue into a shopping bag and heads to the counter]
LT: Sexy, I would avoid badmouthing Charlotte LaMancha if I were you. She has accomplished more in her career here at Grand Dragon than most wrestlers could possibly dream of. She inspired me to come to America. But, malheureusement, she has wrestled her last match in Grand Dragon. Let her, and her legacy, be. It is pretty easy to insult someone who no longer wrestles here.[She puts her items on the counter and continues speaking]
LT: As for me being a “Timid little damsel in distress”; well, I doubt Nomad would agree with you. You may respect me for what I have done in Europe, Sally, but as for Grand Dragon, wait until I have been around for a while. Wait until we meet in the ring. Then, you can talk about respect. [To the cashier] How much does all of this total?
Cashier: (nervously) Oh, nothing, you can have it!!
C: Yes, I mean it! In fact, is there anything else you’d like? You can have anything you want! Just don’t hurt me, ok?
LT [Realization setting in]: Look, the only reason I am wearing a mask is because he (pointing to the camera) is following me around! I am not going to rob you; please, how much do I owe you?
C: I told you, nothing! Have a nice day!
LT [sighing]: Look, here. (Leaves a few bills on the counter) That should pay for everything.[Lady Tiger leaves the store, to the pleasure of the cashier)
LT: Vonya, I still have not forgot about our rendezvous at Founder’s Day Tradition. Needless to say, I have been preparing myself for this occasion to show my fans what I can do! And Vonya, expect to be surprised by the Tiger; that, I promise!![Fade to Black]
Razor: Where are the police when you need them! Lady Tiger almost caught in the act of robbing a store and so called cops like Martial Law are only worried about GDWA announcers running red lights. If our camera had not come along I bet she would have made a few hundred off that place.
Rod: Come on, it’s not that uncommon for wrestlers to wear their masks all the time. Down in Mexico it’s traditional. The great El Santo was even buried in his mask.
Razor: I wonder if we can arrange that for Lady Tiger…soon….
Nina: Ahem! Not to be accused of neglecting the tag teams, the action has really heated up there. And just who is on the minds of the Misfits, the GDWA tag team champs? Let’s find out!
THE MISFITS[FADE IN:
The Misfits watch a rebroadcast of the Suicide Blonde’s House of Styles spot. They are not happy. Not happy at all.]
Dalbello: Blondes, you want to make fun of our family? You want to make fun of our dad? Let me tell you something. You think pushing our buttons will get you somewhere in the GDWA? You’re right. It’ll get you a title shot right here next week. Denmark Vessey, don’t even try to stop this from happening, because we’ll defend whenever, wherever and however. Do you understand that? Blondes, you don’t mess with a memory and you don’t mess with a legacy. All right, now that’s your ass.
Godiva: Right, you dolly birds think you’re so ruddy clever, don’t ya? Well, I’ve got to disagree. You’re walking into a world of ‘urt now at the ‘ands of the Misfits. And you won’t even make it to Founder’s Day, you know. At least not walking. There’s something you must know about the Misfits. We’re the baddest wrestlers there are anywhere. And we’re gonna prove it to you once and for all before we go to Founder’s Day and take on STRIKE and the Hyena Queens and the Browne Girls all at once! This is going to be our crowning glory as the tag-team champions. And you ruddy well Hollywood rejects won’t be but scraps for somebody’s table.[Fade out]
Nina: Wow! The Misfits are really out to prove they are worthy champions.
Razor: Bet on them to win that 4 corner match also. Nothing has been heard from STRIKE and the Hyena Queens at all, and the Browne Girls barely survived their meeting with Hollywood’s heroes, the Suicide Blondes.
Rod: Unfortunately, after that disgusting display with that man pretending to be the Misfit’s dad, they have yet more to say.
(SCENE: SUICIDE BLONDES, standing side-by-side in front of the camera before a stark white background)
Taylor Monroe: Godiva, sweetie; how absolutely EGOTISTICAL of you to assume that I want to be like you. As if, SISTA. NEVER assume that we are ANYTHING like you. You see brown skin and blonde hair and you jump to these crazy extreme conclusions. Support this thesis, girl. Why on Earth would I desire to be like you? Dirty blonde hair, that fake bothersome cockney accent. Those fat arms and calves. Try boots, dear. Those ankles of yours are very unsightly.
Baby Jane Ross: Misfits, indeed ladies. Those belts are a mis-fit around your waists. Dalbello, girl–you have not impressed me as of late. You talk about all the skill that you have in your pinky, yet you looked absolutely sloppy against the High Flying Dolls! The Dolls! The same two tramps we took apart LAST WEEK with NO EFFORT. A question for you, Mrs. Robinson–can you even WIN a match without having two or three ringers in your corner? Can anyone in your Babysitter’s Club? Now, I had these Brownes pegged as true competitors, but they’re frauds just like yourselves. Anyway, Dal, sweetie–enjoy the backburners while you’re on your “vacation.” You cowardly old goat.
Taylor Monroe: Sweetie, hush! Such venom you speak! The Misfits aren’t a worry of ours. We’ve got these “Burning Rain” dames to wrestle. Now, that’s quite a campy name. Are you sure this is even a team?
Baby Jane Ross: In the loosest sense. They seem more like a bad puppet show. Did you notice the way that seemed to finish each other’s sentences? Is that a good sign of teamwork? As if!
Taylor Monroe: And what was the deal with the green stuff that Fatty was putting on her face? Some sort of mask, perhaps?
Baby Jane Ross: Hon, a mask wouldn’t help that beast’s skin in the slightest. Maybe a few Slim-Fast shakes and a flannels shirt and she could maybe pass as a TRUCK DRIVER.
Taylor Monroe: For real, dear. And what’s with this “most beautiful girl” spiel that her little friend pitched? Is she for real? Does she really think that she’s in some sort of beauty pageant here? Girl, we’ve got a title for you if you want it. MISS BOTTOMFEEDER. That and fifty cents could get you a cup of coffee in the GDWA.
Baby Jane Ross: True, girlfriend. If you two really have “Burning Rain,” you might need to get that checked out. In fact, I refuse to wrestle these tramps unless they get medical releases. It’s sickening; this is not a leper colony for common street trash. You’re in the same league with the Suicide Blondes, and whether you hate us or loathe us, you DAMN WELL better stay away from us or you all will catch a particularly nasty case of “ass-in-a-sling-itis.”
Taylor Monroe: Undefeated and telling it like it T-I is…
Nina: Strong comments again from the Blondes. They have to be the most controversial team in the GDWA right now.
Razor: Maybe, but they are -tough-. They rolled right over the High Flying Dolls, had the Browne Girls on the ropes before the Misfits ran in to make the save. And now they are going to take on Burning Rain? No contest if you ask me.
Rod: I’m not so sure. Gojira is a lot more than a ‘fatty’ in face paint. Burning Rain are far from beginers, though they are new to the GDWA.
Nina: And the Suicide Blondes are not the only team thinking of Burning Rain, we have another new team making their debut in the GDWA, the Double Otanashi.
DOUBLE OTANASHI[Scene is an airport] [Announcement over the PA] Flight from Tokyo now arriving at gate 3A. Flight from Tokyo now arriving at gate 3A. [Scene switches to passengers unloading, two Japanese women are practically accosted by reporters] [Reporter #1] Welcome to America… how long do you plan to be in America? [The two exchange glances and shrug. The taller of the two doesn’t appear to be very happy, while the shorter smiles politely.] [Reporter #2] Do you speak any English? [The two once again glance at each. The elder rolls her eyes, as the younger giggles and smiles and says “Melrose Place”] [Reporter #3] You’re planning on wrestling for the GDWA… is that right? [The elder of the two, nods, “Hai” and speaks some Japanese. The names, “GDWA”, “Andrea Chandler” and “Sonya Blade” are heard. The younger looks curiously at the elder sister and speaks more Japanese mentioning names like “Suicide Blondes”, “Misfits” and “Strike”. She speaks a little longer, then says “challenge Burning Rain”. The younger smiles politely, while the elder sighs and glares at the younger.] [Reporter #1] So you’re challenging Burning Rain? [The younger] (Enthusiastically) Hai! Hai! [The elder] (More annoyed than anything) Hai… [The elder, not looking to happy, grabs the hand of the younger and pulls her out of there. The younger waves ‘Bye bye’ to the reporters as they hop into a taxi and it pulls out]
Razor: Double Otanashi, word of advice, get a translator.
Rod: They seemed nice enough. I understand they are fairly popular in Japan.
Razor: And get a new name. ‘Double Good’ my a…
Nina: AHEM! This is a prime time show here. WE have one last clip to run, from a very special….
Razor. Hold on just a minute!
Razor: Coming next week, I’m getting my own segment of the MVP. What a rush! Sonya Blade eat your heart out, because Razor Tsuruta’s ‘Cutting Edge’ is going to make your old segments look like $#!T. The Cutting Edge of wrestling, just like the hard core revolution is the cutting edge of the GDWA.
Rod: Are you quite finished?
Razor: (smugly): Oh yes….
Nina: Good, because our last guest hates to be kept waiting. You all at home didn’t think the ever outspoken Medusa Rage would have nothing to say about her match with Andrea Chandler, did you? Roll the clip!
MEDUSA RAGE[Fade in:
Medusa sits curled in her Serpentine. She stares glassy-eyed into the camera.]
Medusa: The battles are still stalemates. Still fought to draws. What is it going to take to beat me, Andrea? What is it going to take? See, the Syndicate may protect you, but I’ve got the world on mine. This is an open call. My Serpentines, my Age of Rage, and all newcomers out there, this is a call to put an end to the Syndicate. Chandler, even injured I could come and take you down. Imagine me at full-strength. Imagine that. You’re going to have to contend with that at some point, you know. You’re going to have to contend with that. That won’t be good. No, it can’t be good. GDWA, I’ve sacrificed my body and soul to the snake and I am going to get a return on my investment. I promise you that. I am going to take the lead in the GDWA and finish Andrea Chandler once and for all. It all started as a game. Now, it’s a hunt. Andrea, I’m the only one who could withstand you. I’m still the only one who knows how to defeat you. Sell my secrets maybe. Maybe. Chandler, the only thing I want is to see you beaten and humiliated. The only thing. Hugs and hisses.[Fade out]
Rod: That woman worries me sometimes.
Razor: For once we agree. Hopefully Medusa is taking some time off to heal. She’s not wrestled at full strength for the last few weeks and it has really shown in the ring.
Nina: Well, that’s it for tonights Grand Dragon MVP. This is Nina, for all of us here at the MVP, have a great night, see you again next week.