ICWF World Tag Team title defense as the Snake Sisters defend against the Apache Warriors
<Jessie, Lisa, Bob, and Chad stand at ringside, with an excited crowd waving and screaming all around. Colored lights flash over the arena as the latest show begins.>
Jessie: Good evening, everybody! Live from our beautiful studios here in Richter City, Florida, we bring you the ICWF Saturday Showdown! With me tonight are my esteemed colleagues, “Luscious” Lisa Madison, Chad “Romeo” Romero, and Bob Brodsky! We’ve got some big developments on tap for you tonight, right, Bob?
Bob: Absolutely, Jess! Tonight we’ve got a ton of belt action! Among others, you’ll be seeing Spanish Rose taking on “Rocker” Ray Radford for the United States title, and Gretchen Gwynne will be defending against the dangerous Bambi! And our singles main event features the one and only Arlechino in action against the powerful Kommando Karla!
Chad: Yeah, but you’re leavin’ out the best part! We’ve got two kick-butt tag matches, as the Dogs of War meet Fury for the Intercontinental titles, and then the big one–the Snake Sisters take on my big guns, the Mankillers, for ALL the marbles!
Jessie: What an exciting program. Coming up now we have Erik the Awful, who really hasn’t been doing very well here in the ICWF.
Chad: The man is just in a slump. And anyway, with a valet like that Johanna, who cares if he’s not doing so well in the ring. I’ll be he’s doing _just_ fine outside it.
Jessie: Chad, pull your mind out of the gutter for once, will you? However, now that you’ve brought up the matter of Johanna, do you think she may have aspirations to step into the ring herself? Seeing her actions last time Eric had a match. If you recall she went into a stare down with Erik’s opponent, Bambi, after the match was over…. Well, you have to wonder.
Lisa: Well, actually, I’ve been doing some digging, and it turns out Johanna has actually been involved in professional sports before she became Erik’s valet. She was in fact a gold medalist cross country skier for Norway. A sport which takes a lot of stamina and strength I might add. Maybe she has grown tired of being just a valet rather than an active competitor. Who can tell?
Jessie: Well, maybe we will see Johanna in the ring in the future. Maybe not. However, tonight it’s her man, Erik the Awful it’s all about. Let’s go to Michael Duffer who is ready at ringside.
Michael Duffer: Laaaadies and gentlemeeeeen! The following match is one fall, 20 minute time limit. Introducing first, already in the ring and weighing in at 240 pounds… Here is “DAAAAANGER”…. WILL… ROBINSON!
(Robinson jumps up on the second turnbuckle and pumps his fist in the air, actually getting a minor pop from some of the marks. Most of the people couldn’t care less what he did though)
Chad: Faaaaaantastic. First the WWF/WCW rejects, FutureShock, are resigned to fight here… And NOW you’re telling me I’m gonna have to watch THIS loser again? I mean, COME ON! He makes Bulk Hogan look talented!
Bob: Hey! The Bulkster is an amazing competitor! And a true American!
Chad: He’s a balding, no-talent, no-work rate former steroid freak. The only difference between him and Robinson is that Robinson still has his hair and is smaller than the Yellow One.
Bob: Why you no good….
Michael Duffer: Aaaand his opponent! Hailing from Scandinavia, and weighing in at 264 pounds. Escorted to the ring by his valet, Johanna…. The Viking Warrior of the ICWF…. ERIK… THE… AAAAAAAWFUUUUUUUUL!
(The fans boo the two as they walk down the aisle towards the ring. Erik wears black tights, fake animal furs, and a horned helmet, carrying a spear. He has long, red scraggily hair and a large red beard. Johanna wears a chain mail crop-top and bikini bottom, with chic knee-high fur boots. She’s well-muscled, large-breasted, and blonde. Erik threatens a fan with his spear and seems almost like he’s about to attack the man when Johanna glares at him and points towards the ring. Erik immediately forgets the fan and heads into the ring.)
Jessie: It would seem Johanna has her man under control, so to speak.
Chad: To tell the truth, I can understand why. That was one SCARY look she gave him. Somehow I wouldn’t want to get on this woman’s bad side.
Bob: Here’s the bell, and Erik attacks Robinson right off the bat! Those are CLOSED FISTS! Where’s the flag, ref?
Chad: Looks like Erik is tired of losing! HAH! Look at that! He’s mauling Robinson with those punches! This is GREAT!
Jessie: Will is backed into a corner with no way to escape, and Johanna is looking at Erik work and nodding approvingly. Knee to the gut by Erik. And another! Robinson is being manhandled here. Erik tries to lock him up for a DDT… NO! “Danger” Will Robinson just sunset flipped out of it! ONE… TWO… THR… NO, kickout by Erik the Awful! Nearly an upset here tonight.
Chad: Johanna is FURIOUS on the outside… She is shouting something at him in some language I can’t understand… Scandinavian probably.
Johanna: Din JAEVLA IDIOT! Stopp det tullet og DREP denne helvetes sveklingen!
Lisa: Norwegian actually, Chad. “Scandinavian” is not a language.
Chad: Uhm… yeah… That’s what I meant… WAITAMINUTE! You understood that? What did she say?
Lisa: Yes, I did understand it. And I’m afraid I can’t repeat it on TV.
Jessie: Whatever it was it worked. Erik is all over Robinson again. BIG clothesline! Kick to the ribs! He picks him up… SUPLEX! Picks him up again, and… BLOCKED BY ROBINSON! And Will is looking PISSED!
Bob: I don’t believe this! Erik doesn’t believe it! Johanna REFUSES to believe it! Will Robinson is SLUGGING Erik the Awful with lefts and rights worthy of Mike Tyson!
Jessie: Indeed he is. I’ve never seen Robinson so fired up before, and Johanna looks like she’s been stunned by what she’s seeing! Erik is in a daze as “Danger” Will lifts up Erik the awful…. BACKBREAKER! He picks him back up… SNAP SUPLEX! Robinson up again, and putting Erik in a Boston Crab! Look at the pain on Erik’s face!
Bob: CHAD doesn’t believe it!
Lisa: Will releases the crab…. Bounces off the ropes…. LARIAT BY ROBINSON!
Jessie: Now _I_ don’t believe this! When did Will Robinson learn moves like those? Erik has been reduced to a punching bag here! Robinson is back up…. Climbs to the top rope….. Erik is down and out on the mat… And finally Johanna is reacting! She’s chasing over towards Robinson from down on the floor, but it’s too late! Will is flying off the ropes towards the prone Erik! BIIIIG TOP ROPE SPLASH!! The cover! One… Two… THREE!!!
Bob: ROBINSON WINS!! ROBINSON WINS!! ROBINSON WINS!!!
Chad: But…. But…. But….
Jessie: Let’s get the official word from Michael Duffer.
Michael Duffer: The winner of this match, at 2 minutes, 34 seconds…. “DAAAAANGER”…. WILL….. ROOOOOOBI…HEY!!!!
Lisa: Oh my! It looks like this one’s not done yet! Erik is still down, but Johanna just stormed into the ring with murder in her eyes, and she’s ALL over Will Robinson! Clothesline! DDT! Short clothesline! Stomp! Another stomp! And another!
Chad: YES! YESYESYES!! Elbowdrop! Kneedrop! Legdrop across the throat! Will Robinson is squirming in pain! She picks him back up! She’s got him bent over! POWERBOMB! YEEEESSSSSS!!!!
Bob: This is a DISGRACE! She should be fined and suspended! OUCH!
Chad: ANOTHER POWERBOMB! YESYESYES! AND ANOTHER ONE! BWAAAHAHAHAAAA! I _love_ this woman!
Jessie: Control yourself, Chad! Johanna drags Will Robinson over the ropes and is keeping him on the apron…. She’s shouting something at Erik who’s finally back on his feet…..
Johanna: Din helvetes IDIOT! Is THAT how you deal with a _forbanna_ NOBODY like this guy? I vill SHOW you vhat to do!!
Bob: Oh no… It looks like she’s going to… NO! SHE CAN’T DO THAT!
Chad: Oh yes she can! WATCH HER! She’s got Robinson bent over again…. And here we go! ROBINSON GOES UP AND ROBINSON GOES DOWN! SPLAT! Call the paramedics! BWAAAHAHAHAAAAA![Jessie: Johanna just POWERBOMBED Will Robinson from the ring apron and all the way down to the concrete! And now she’s kicking him! Finally the jobber squad gets between them. Sam is going to try and get a word from Johanna and Erik.
(The camera cuts to the aisle where Sam is waiting, blocking the way for Johanna and Erik who are walking back to the dressing rooms. The fans are booing like crazy.)
Sam: WAAAAITAMINUTE, lil’ lady! What in th’ name o’ God was that all about? Why would y’all do something like that to Robinson?
(Erik is about to say something when Johanna gives him a glare which looks like it could kill. She turns towards Sam and turns the glare on him. He immediately starts squirming and looks decidedly uncomfortable.)
Sam: Uh… Just a simple question, mind you. I certainly wouldn’t want ya upset or nothin’.. Heh…. Heh… Heh.
(Johanna just looks even angrier and suddenly levels Sam with a clothesline before she grabs Erik by the beard and pulls him with her back to the locker area)
Erik: Ouch! Ow! Ouch!
Jessie: My GOD!!! I’m going to check on Sam! We’ll be back after this!
(Bob stands in the locker room, wearing a black tux and a big smile.)
Bob: Fans, word has it that a major EWWA superstar has tested positive for substance abuse–and has been expelled from that organization! Could she be headed for the ICWF? Call my Insider Hotline at 1-900-555-INFO and get the whole story! Only 2.95 a minute, and kids–try to get your parents’ permission before calling! We’ll be back after this!
Jessie: Fans, Sam Wilson is going to be fine, fortunately.
Bob: Yes, he’s a big, tough Texan, and certainly took occasional shots like that when he hosted SCW, I’m sure.
Jessie: No doubt about it, Bob. Up next we have a match between two young ladies who do NOT like each other at all. Let’s get some comments from a woman who has charmed the socks off just about anyone she’s met with her manners and politeness.
Chad: She ain’t charmed Nabiki Yen, that’s for sure.
Bob: That Yen woman is nasty, evil and downright sneaky.
Chad: Yeah. Ain’t she great? Anyway, here are those prerecorded comments by that wimp, Yoshiko Kage.
<The screen cuts to an ICWF soundstage with a black background and the word SHADOW written across it in silver. Standing in front of the camera, wearing a black two-piece costume is a young, oriental woman. The costume leaves her midriff bare, and on the chest of the top the word KAGE is written in silver. She is _very_ beautiful, and with a somewhat slight, almost fragile seeming build for a wrestler. Her long, jet-black hair is tied back in a long ponytail, and she smiles a smile so sweet at the camera it could melt the heart of the most hardened cynic.>
Yoshiko: Good evening, everyone. I am very happy to be here tonight and to have the opportunity to speak to you all. I would like to thank the great people of the ICWF in particular and Richter City and the USA in general for the great welcome they have given me. You have all made me feel right at home here, and for that I thank you. It just proves my point that if you make an effort to be nice to people they too will be nice.
<Yoshiko gets a serious look on her face>
Yoshiko: However, Nabiki Yen, you are not a nice person at all. You say you left Japan to get away from good manners and polite people? Well, Nabiki-san, good manners are the sign of someone with the ability to control themselves and with the ability not to always put their own needs before those of everyone else. I guess you have none of those qualities, and this saddens me, because it seems to be an empty and hopeless way to live without friends.
<There is a pause where Yoshiko looks almost sad>
Yoshiko: Yes, I am sad for you, Nabiki-san, because it seems to me that you will never really know the joys of true friendship the way you carry on. Your life will continue to be empty and hollow, and in the end you will look back upon it and find that nothing you did really mattered at all since you had no one to really share it with.
<The camera cuts back to the broadcast team>
Chad: I think… No, I KNOW I’m going to throw up now. That was so sweet it was sickening! God, I hope Nabiki breaks every bone in her body.
Bob: Romero! You SCUM! Yoshiko is the nicest person in the ICWF, and I could only WISH we had more like her around here. You should be ashamed of yourself saying something like that about her.
Chad: Bah! Nice gets you nowhere. Now, EARN YOUR PAY, DUFFER!
Michael Duffer: Ladies and gentlemen. The next match is scheduled for one fall and a time limit of 25 minutes. Coming down the aisle, accompanied by her bodyguard, Andrew…. Here is NABIIIIIIKIIIIIII YEEEEEEENNNNNN!
<As “Money changes everything” starts up a young girl with brown neck length hair comes to the ring. She is dressed in a sparkling green robe. Following her is her bodyguard, Andrew, who is a rather big man. The fans are booing audibly, and Nabiki doesn’t seem to mind at all. In fact, she rather seems to enjoy the boos.>
Michael Duffer: Aaaaand her opponent, hailing from Tokyo, Japan and being led down the aisle by her manager, Susan James. Weighing in at 135 pounds…..
<Bachman Turner Overdrive’s “You ain’t seen nothing yet” blasts from the OPA system, bringing the fans to their feet as a beautiful, young Japanese woman enters the aisle with Susan James. She has long, black hair pulled back into a ponytail, and is wearing the same two piece black costume as in the interview. She is also wearing black boots with KAGE in silver on the sides. As she jogs down to the ring she smiles to the fans and give hi-fives all the way.>
Michael Duffer: “The Shadow” YOSHIIIIIIKO…. KAAAAAAGEEEEEE!
Jessie: The match is underway, as Nabiki Yen attacks Yoshiko before the bell rings! She goes for an atomic drop, but Yoshiko counters it and DRIVES Nabiki’s face into the mat with a bulldog! Yoshiko back to her feet and going for a handspring moonsault! It HIT! There’s a pin… One… Two, kickout!
Lisa: Yoshiko going for the pin a bit too early there. Nabiki is far too fresh for that yet.
Bob: Yoshiko pulls Nabiki up, and nicely executed DDT there!
Jessie: Nabiki is dazed as she gets back up, and Yoshiko bounces off the ropes and nails her with a flying sidekick! There’s that martial arts experience again. She climbs the second rope and comes off with a flying karate cho…. NO! Nabiki just drove a fist into the midsection of Kage as she was in mid jump! That took some of the steam out of the shadow!
Lisa: Kage whipped to the ropes, but she comes back off with an elbow which rattles the teeth of Nabiki Yen. She tries to lock Yen in a front facelock….. NO! Backdrop by Nabiki cuts that short.
Chad: Yen pulls Kage to her feet. Short clothesline by Yen is ducked! Kage off the ropes! Jumping sidekick ducked by Nabiki! Spinning kick by Kage, ducked by Yen! Whoa! These two girls are fighting with amazing speed! Nabiki pushes Yoshiko Kage to the ropes…. And she CHOKES the little girl on them! I LOVE IT!!
Bob: You’re a sick person, Romero. The referee is laying down the count… One, two, three, four… Nabiki breaks. She runs off the opposite ropes, and… MY GOODNESS! Yoshiko nailed Nabiki with an Enzuigiri as she came back off those ropes! And now a savate kick!
Chad: HEY! GOODY-TWO-SHOES! THIS IS A WRESTLING MATCH! NOT A MARTIAL ARTS TOURNAMENT!
Jessie: Sit DOWN, Chad! Nabiki whips Yoshiko into the corner, and follows up with a charge herself… NOBODY HOME! Nabiki rammed that shoulder into the turnbuckle! And Yoshiko is retaliating furiously! Big chop! Dropkick! She practically BOUNCES back on her feet again and another chop! Atomic drop attempt by Nabiki countered with a bulldog by Yoshiko! That’s the second time that has happened. Yoshiko now turns it from a bulldog to a front facelock.
Lisa: Nabiki gets to the ropes, and a clean break. Back heel kick by the Shadow, right into an Enzuigiri! And another Enzuigiri! Nabiki Yen goes down like she’s been shot after that barrage! She staggers back up, and MONKEY FLIP by Yoshiko puts her right down again! ANOTHER Enzuigiri puts Yen down again! Kage waits for her to get up…. Dropkick! But Nabiki sidesteps!
Chad: Finally! Now we’re gonna see Kage in a world of hurt! Diving elbow smash by the rich one!
<The match swings back and forth between the two VERY equally matched opponents. Both show their technical skill by countering and reversing several moves in short order. Highlights include Yoshiko hitting Nabiki with an enzuilariato and Nabiki nailing a swinging neckbreaker on Kage. However, even though they are more or less equally matched Yoshiko seems to have an advantage, using her martial arts skill to keep on top of things, and Nabiki starts looking a little frustrated.>
Jessie: I cannot believe the pace of this match! I’ve hardly ever seen a match move faster than this one! They seem to string together impossible sequences of moves, both of them! Susan James and Nabiki’s bodyguard cheering on one woman each. Yoshiko is whipped to the ropes, but she comes back off with a chop that floors Nabiki. Kage pulls Yen up and whips her to the ropes… VICIOUS clothesline!
Chad: I can tell ya ONE thing from this match! These two do NOT like each other at ALL! Nabiki retaliates with a hotshot! Now she tries to whip Yoshiko to the ropes, but the goody-two-shoes somehow reverses it! Nabiki back off the ropes, and… OUCH!
Bob: Nabiki runs RIGHT into an enzuigiri to the face! That HAD to hurt! Kinda reminds me back when I played for the ‘Bucs and this quarterback stepped on my face….
Chad: Lucky for you you couldn’t get any uglier than you are naturally.
Bob: Why you….. I oughtta…
Jessie: Concentrate on the fight IN the ring guys! Yoshiko has Nabiki back up… DDT! OUCH! She climbs the ropes and waits for Nabiki to stagger back up…. FLYING LARIAT SENDS NABIKI BACK DOWN! Nabiki back up, only to meet ANOTHER enzuigiri to the face!
Bob: She goes for the pin! One… Kickout.
Lisa: This has got to be taking its toll on Yen. Both physically and mentally. Whatever she does Kage always seems to have some wrestling skill or martial arts maneuver to pull her out of it.
Chad: Nabiki is tough and smart! She’ll pull _something_ out of her hat! Trust me!
Bob: Elbowsmash! Dropkick! Flying Karate Chop! Yoshiko is on fire here! Another Dropkick! Drat, it missed! Yoshiko whips Nabiki to the ropes… Lariat, and Nabiki is down again! Double axhandle chop to the back of Nabiki! Nabiki is stunned, and Yoshiko gives the sign for the Shadow Tornado! She bounces off the ropes, and…. NO!
Jessie: Yoshiko bounces off the ropes and Andrew TRIPPED HER! Nabiki is distracting the referee, and Andrew grabs a chair! He slides into the ring with it! Susan James is frantically trying to get the ref to notice! Yoshiko gets back to her feet… ANDREW JUST NAILED HER WITH THE CHAIR! And now he’s sliding back out again! The referee turning around, and he looks suspicions, but he didn’t see what happened!
Chad: If ya don’t get caught then it ain’t cheating!
Bob: You are disgusting! Nabiki walks over to Yoshiko who is out cold! She leans her up against the ropes…..Cash kickback! This is uncalled for! Where’s the flag, ref??
Chad: I LOVE it! Nabiki puts her foot on Yoshiko’s chest…. One, two, three!! BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!! This is great!!
Bob: This is a DISGRACE!
Jessie: Nabiki and Andrew make a hasty retreat as the rest of Susan James’ stable show up to protect their friend! We have to go to a commercial, people, but we’ll be right back.
(Bob stands in the locker room, wearing a black tux and a big smile.)
Bob: Fans, I’ve just been informed of a parking lot altercation between “Iron” Mike Tyson and a member of the OWA! Can the ultimate “wrestling versus boxing” confrontation be far behind? If you’d like to hear more about which “Elite” grappler was involved, call me NOW on the Insider Hotline at 1-900-555-INFO and get the whole story! Only 2.95 a minute, and kids–try to get your parents’ permission before calling! We’ll be back after this!
Jessie: This will be a really good match for Spanish Rose’s U.S. title. I think Ray has a great chance at getting the belt.
Chad: Yeah, if he goes to Sears and buys a belt. He doesn’t have a chance at this title. Rose will take it in under 5 minutes.
Bob: No way, Chad. Ray Radford has this one all wrapped up.
Chad: Speaking of wrapped, you aren’t too tightly wrapped.
Jessie: Okay guys, let’s go to Michael Duffer for the announcements.
Duffer: Ladies and gentlemen. This match is for the ICWF United States Championship. (“I Love Rock And Roll’ blares over the PA system.) Introducing the challenger, accompanied by his manager, Susan James, from Los Angeles, CA, at 264 lbs. Rocker Ray Radford. (Rocker runs down the aisle followed by Susan James. He wears black boots, trunks and a black leather jacket with “rocker” written across the back; a lot of cheers and screams for the fans’ favorite; a lot of people yelling for him to kill Spanish Rose.)
(Flamenco music blares loudly over the PA system, Spanish Rose struts down the aisle with her belt, yelling and taunting the fans. She climbs into the ring and removes her matador cape, revealing a bright red leotard, with Rose written across her chest. She flexes her muscles and struts around showing off her body.)
Duffer: And now the champion, accompanied by her partner, Elena Quartermain, from Toledo, Spain, at 190 lbs., The Internet Championship Wrestling Federation United States Champion, Here’s the great Spanish Rose. The referee is Tim Wright.
Rose: Hey Radford. You are going to die tonight! You no can beat me.
Jessie: Well, they really look like they hate each other. This will be great! There’s the bell. They lock up and he quickly pushes her into the ropes. Wow, Rocker’s starting off with a bang, right into her kisser! A hard roundhouse right floors Rose. She’s down, but gets up quickly, still shaking her head. Radford moves in and grabs her for a bodyslam, but Rose nails him with a quick shot to his belly. She drives her fist in again and a third. Ray moves back, but Rose grabs his hair and puts on a front headlock, then smashes his face with a forearm. He’s dazed and she picks him up for a powerslam. Wow, she drove him into the mat; they both bounced. Here’s the count, 1……….2…, he kicks out and rolls away. Rose moves in and drops him with a big karate chop. She moves back and, oh my, she nailed him with a perfect flying dropkick. Radford falls into the ropes, really hurt. Rose grabs his hair and pulls him up.
Chad: Oh yeah, this clown has a real good chance at the title.
Jessie: She’s carrying him to a corner and places him on the top rope. Looks like, no, he headbutts her, and again, right in the nose. She’s stunned and backs off. Ray jumps off and grabs her, tossing her into the corner. She slams hard into the turnbuckle and Ray follows in with an elbow. No, Rose puts up a leg and drives it into Radford’s belly. Oooooh that hurt, and Rose puts on a front headlock and slams a big forearm into his back, Rose is pummeling Radford with forearm smashes into his back. He drops to one knee as she keeps bashing his back. Rose hauls him up and slams a big fist into his kidneys.
Chad: Well, that should finally end it. This is really boring.
Jessie: Ray is holding his back in pain, and Rose throws him against the ropes. He also runs into the ropes and drives a foot into her belly as she comes off. He’s taken a lot of punishment, but still comes back with more wrestling action. He picks her up slams her across his knee. Rose rolls off in pain. He should hit her with another, but he picks her up and throws her against the ropes. Radford flies at her with a football tackle, but she moves and he rams White, sending him through the ropes and to the floor.
Chad: Good, no ref to get in her way.
Bob: Maybe he’ll finish her now.
Jessie: Radford gets up more concerned with White, but he should be looking at Rose. She drives a shoulder into his belly. She lifts him for a chokeslam. But he jabs her face and she drops him. He clamps on a side headlock and bulldogs her. Wow, that had to hurt! She gets pulled up and tossed into the ropes. He drives a big forearm into her throat as she comes off the ropes. She’s down and really hurt. That was a perfect clothesline. Rose has fallen out of the ring. This could be over soon.
Chad: Go wash your mouth out!
Jessie: Radford jumps out of the ring after her. She’s up, but staggering around and the Rocker throws her into the guardrail. She really slammed into the rails, right into her back. Ray grabs her again and whips her into the rail. She won’t be back anytime soon. Radford climbs back in, but Rose doesn’t look good. Elena is helping her and gets her to the ring, lifting her up. Rose climbs back in, but she needed a lot of help. It’s a good thing White wasn’t here to count her out. Radford waits and runs to her, swinging a right. She ducks and catches him as he swings, grabbing him and driving a fist deep into his kidney. Where did she get that strength after the beating she took? She nails him again and then lifts him up high. Rose literally dropped him from 6 feet onto her left knee. Here comes White, back to consciousness.
Chad: Baloney! He’s never been conscious.
Jessie: Rose pulls him up by the hair and whips him into the ropes. He flies off the ropes and she just decked him with a big right to the jaw. White yells at her, but she just brushes him aside and hammers Ray with a backward kick. She yanks him up and clamps on a bearhug. Look at her! She’s got him up and off his feet. That’s six and a half feet of man off the mat. Rose is shaking him like a ragdoll.
Chad: Yup, he’s gonna win real soon. Take that to the bank.
Jessie: Rose runs him into a corner, slamming his back into a turnbuckle. She drops him and he falls like a rock.
Chad: Yeah, he’s the Rock—er.
Jessie: Rose picks him up and lifts him for a big powerslam. She drove him into the mat. This isn’t too good for Radford. Another hair pull and lift and she has him up in another bearhug, holding him high, and running into a corner, slamming his back into the turnbuckle. She’s just playing with him now. Rose pulls him up for another powerslam and slams him into the mat. He’s finished now, as Susan James is going nuts in his corner. He’s barely aware of what’s going on as Rose climbs high and leaps off the top rope, high into the lights and splashes him with her world-famous Spanish Matador, her splash from the lights. White’s down with the count, 1……….2……….3, and it’s all over. Rose has retained her title belt.
Chad: Alright! Good goin’ Rose.
Duffer: The winner at 4:47 and still ICWF United States Champion, Spanish Rose.
Jessie: What a comeback from Spanish Rose. Let’s go to Danny Lopez.
Danny: I’m here with the reigning U.S. Champion, Spanish Rose. Congratulations on your successful defense of your title. Did you feel like you were in trouble at all?
Rose: Never! He thought he hurt me, but I was just funnin’ with him. He ain’t no good. Hey, Radford, you go practice for a long time, then come see me. Maybe you can last for more than five minutes.
Danny: It looked like he hurt you a couple of times.
Rose: Hey, stupido! I am okay. Do I look like he hurt me? Look at him. Does he look like he could hurt me? I need some better wrestlers up there.
Danny: What are your plans now?
Rose: I want another title, but I think I have to defend this first. There are so many bums here that I could beat. Maybe Elena and me will go after a tag-team belt. That will be great fun. Now I must get ready for Chad; we’re going out to celebrate. Bye bye, muchacho.
Danny: That’s all from here! I hear Bob has Ray Radford in the back, let’s get his comments.
(The camera is back in the locker room of Ray Radford, Ray is sitting on a bench, holding an icepack on his head. Next to him is Bob Brodsky.)
Bob: Well, Ray. How do you feel after that match against Spanish Rose?
Ray: To tell ya the truth, Bob…. I thought Jax was a tough wrestler, but Rose gives a new meaning to tough. That’s one DANGEROUS woman!
Bob: So, are you disappointed at this loss? And how will it affect your future here in the ICWF?
Ray: Well, I’m always a little disappointed when I lose. That’s only natural. I’m not gonna bitch and moan about it though. Rose won and that’s that. End of story. As for my future here… Nothing’s changed. I’ll take on ANYONE, ANYWHERE, ANYTIME! Including Spanish Rose! You win some, you lose some. That’s life. I’m not giving up because of a loss. You can still keep lining those opponents’ up, and the Rocker will KEEP knocking them down. So, Rose. Any other wrestlers out there! The party’s just started, and “Rocker” Ray is gonna see to it that there will be a crash and burn in store for all who take me on!
Bob: Thanks, Ray. We appreciate those comments.
Ray: My pleasure, Bob. Now, I could use some peace and quiet to nurse these bruises and this headache.
Bob: We’ll be back after these commercial messages.
(Bob stands in the locker room, wearing a black tux and a big smile.)
Bob: Fans, word has it that a noted figure here in the ICWF will be announcing intentions of running for nothing less than the presidency of these United States! Want to find out who he–or she–might be? Call my Insider Hotline at 1-900-555-INFO and get the whole story! Only 2.95 a minute, and kids–try to get your parents’ permission before calling! We’ll be back after this!
Jessie: Huge matchup coming up here….Bambi taking on the psychotic starlet, Gretchen Gwynne. [Chad: Gretchen’s coming off of a big win against Yakuza, and they just keep mandating her to face people. She really wants to get her hands on the Masked Marauder though. [Jessie: Well, she’s working her way up to the #1 contender slot, and a win over Bambi tonight would certainly bump her up a notch. Let’s go to the ring for the introductions… [Duffer: Wrestling fans, this bout is two out of three falls with a sixty minute time limit…it is for the ICWF World Television Championship…. introducing first, the challenger….BAMBI the cheerleader!!! And her opponent….from Wherever She Damn Well Pleases….(The opening chords of “Sweetest Perfection” by Depeche Mode ring out and the crowd erupts into a chorus of boos.) Led to the ring by The Manager of Champions, The Kingpin……representing the Soldiers of the First World…. weighing in at 122 lbs….this is “Gorgeous” Gretchen GWWWWWWWYYYYYNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! (Gretchen walks out behind the Kingpin dressed in a red singlet with matching boots and headband. The World TV Title is firmly around her waist. She looks into the camera, files her nails, and says, “I can’t believe I have to wrestle THIS tramp….Marauder, what are you? Afraid of a little girl?” She rolls her eyes, smirks, and heads to the ring.) [Chad: Well, she’s calling out the Marauder…we’ll see what happens there. [Jessie: The Marauder really wants to get his hands on the Kingpin’s stable… and…WHOA! Bambi attacks Gretchen Gwynne before the bell! She’s drilling her with big right hands! [Chad: C’mon ref….those are closed fists…
Jessie: Bambi goes for an inverted backbreaker, but Gretchen Gwynne counters it with a backdrop, and Bambi hit HARD. Gwynne with a European uppercut. NO! Bambi counters it with a backslide!
Kickout by Gwynne….they’re getting it started right out here tonight! [Bob: Nothing but the best from the ICWF! [Jessie: Bambi into the ropes….she misses with a clothesline…Gretchen with a leapfrog…Bambi with an armdrag takedown! A second! Bambi whips Gretchen into the ropes…and hits Gwynne with an elbow.
Chad: Gotta hand it to this Bambi bimbo…she’s taking it right to Gretchen. [Bob: I know how much that upsets you, Chad. [Jessie: Bambi runs into the ropes…jumping side kick…Gwynne ducks…and BAMBI NAILS REFEREE JAMES BEARD! He’s out of it! [Bob: Uh-oh…. [Jessie: Gwynne with a boot to the head, and Bambi is down….get the Kingpin off the apron! [Chad: Who’s gonna do it, Jessie? The ref is out cold! [Jessie: He’s got the TV title belt! He’s tossing it to Gretchen! [Chad: Turn out the lights for Bambi! [Jessie: OH NO! She’s got Bambi up for the piledriver…. [Chad: FIVEDRIVER ON THE BELT TIME!!! [Bob: Look at Bambi kick her legs! Gwynne’s losing her balance! [Jessie: BAMBI REVERSES IT! She’s got Gwynne up for a piledriver! BAM! Right on the belt! Gretchen looks like she’s out cold! [Chad: NO! [Jessie: Bambi’s covering Gwynne, but the ref is still out! She’s over trying to pull him to his feet now…. [Bob: What the hell is going on here? [Chad: It’s VIXXXEN!!! ViXXXen is barreling down to ringside….she’s on the top rope…. [Bob: Turn around Bambi! [Jessie: WOW! ViXXXen just PLANTED Bambi with a bulldog from the top rope! She’s picking Gwynne up….ATOMIC LEGDROP! Gwynne’s covering Bambi and ViXXXen’s up the aisle to the dressing room! [Bob: This is atrocious… [Jessie: Beard is coming to….no! He sees the cover…. *one* [Bob: This is horrible…. *two* [Chad: The Kingpin is a genius…. *three* [Duffer: Here is your winner…..and STILL World Television Champion…..”Gorgeous” Gretchen GWWWWWWWWYYYYYYYYYNNNNNNNEEEEEE!!!!! [Jessie: That’s just wrong… [Chad: Bambi’s fault for kicking the ref. She should’ve been disqualified. [Jessie: Chad, that’s ludicrous….let’s go down to Kris Erickson, who is with the Kingpin and company.
Kris: Action hot and heavy in the ICWF, and Gretchen Gwynne is part of…. [Gretchen: (snatching the mike) Bambi, don’t you EVER try to use my move, you hear me?! You found out what happens when you jump on the S1W’s! (pointing at the camera) I WILL *KILL* YOU! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? NEXT TIME, I WILL *KILL* YOU! [Kris: Uh… [Gretchen: Masked Marauder, oh baby…. (she falls to her knees) I’m beggin’ you….bring your ass to the ring….(she lays down) Come on! I’ll just lay here! (Gretchen is really ranting now.) Come on! Come on! You don’t want none of me, boy….I’ll beat your ass into the ground….(she leaps to her feet and points at the camera) MARAUDER, IF YOU SHOW UP TO THE RING, I’M GONNA KICK *YOUR ASS*! You (censored) (censored) mother (censored), come on! I know you’re afraid of me, girly boy! Come the (censored) (censored) out here….come on! (Suddenly, the curtain bursts open and the Masked Marauder comes charging out. He tosses the World title aside, and leaps at Gretchen. The two roll around on the ground, trading swings until ViXXXen comes out from the back and starts hammering the Marauder. Rob Foster rushes out, and gets into it with ViXXXen, and a wild melee ensues until security mobs the four grapplers, breaking it up. The Marauder and Foster are led back to the dressing rooms, and Gretchen picks up the microphone.) [Gretchen: Boy, don’t EVER touch me! Marauder, oh, Marauder….you better sleep with one eye open! You better triple lock your door at night! I’m coming for you, (censored)! I’m coming for you! (She throws the microphone down, and raises her hands to the crowd, who boos her heartily. She and ViXXXen parade around a bit, then disappear into the locker rooms.)
(Bob stands in the locker room, wearing a black tux and a big smile.)
Bob: Fans, strange and disturbing reports are coming in about the nocturnal practices of certain UWF wrestlers. The details are too gruesome to go into here on camera, but I can drop a few hints: cattle mutilations, animal sacrifices…AMWAY!!! Want to know more? Call my Insider Hotline at 1-900-555-INFO and get the whole story! Only 2.95 a minute, and kids–try to get your parents’ permission before calling! We’ll be back after this!
Bob: We’re back, here on the Saturday Showdown. And we’re just in time to see Arlechino defend his title against Kommando Karla. Lisa, what do we know about these two wrestlers?
Lisa: Well, not much is known about Karla, but her strength and ability speak volumes. Arlechino has trained in several martial arts, as well as gymnastics and acrobatics. He has a fast, reckless style that has beaten many an opponent, but we’ve yet to see him match up against a wrestler like Karla. In my opinion, Bob, this is anybody’s game.
Chad: As much as I hate to disagree, Lisa, I think Arlechino’s going to get his clock cleaned tonight. Maybe, if we’re all lucky, Karla will put him in traction and we won’t have to listen to him for a while.
Bob: Let’s go down to Mike Duffer for the ring announcements.
Duffer: This bout is scheduled for one fall, with a thirty minute time limit. It is for the ICWF Intercontinental Championship! (Large Crowd Pop) Introducing first, the challenger. Accompanied by her manager, the former German Women’s’ Champion, Karin Kleger. Weighing in at 179 lbs., from New York City, here’s Kommando Karla!!
(Karla sneers at the crowd as they boo her. One fan, holding up a poster of Arlechino, gets a shove.)
Duffer: And, the champion. Accompanied to the ring by Taskmaster, he comes from Brooklyn, New York, and weighs in at 243 lbs. ARLECHINO!
(Huge crowd pop. Jimi Hendrix’s “Purple Haze” comes through the loud speakers as Taskmaster comes through the curtain. She seems to be leading Arlechino, who is dressed in a 60’s hippy outfit, complete with bell-bottomed wrestling tights and peace signs all over him. He seems disoriented, and keeps giving the peace sign to fans in the crowd.)
Bob: Looks like another great psychological warfare move by the champion.
Chad: I knew they froze your brain when you went in to have those wisdom teeth pulled, Brodsky. All Arlechino’s doing is guaranteeing himself a quicker beating!
Lisa: The bell rings, and we’re underway. Starting it off with a collar and elbow…and Karla shoves Arlechino, and follows up with a running forearm! A pin! 1…2…shoulder up by Arlechino!
Chad: And seeing that just made my night. Karla’s gonna make a fool out of this chump champion! Karla up and in the ref’s face about a slow count…
Bob: And Arlechino comes up from behind…German bridge suplex. Davis counts, 1…2…kickout! What was that you said about making a fool out of someone, chump?
Chad: Watch it, Brodsky, or you’ll wish all you had was an old football injury!
Lisa: (Giggles) I just love it when you two get into such meaningful arguments. It just make the match so much more interesting!
Bob and Chad: ….
Lisa: Arlechino going to the top rope, might be a little early…and pays for it as Karla slugs him on it the gut! Arlechino falls to the top turnbuckle, Karla up on the second rope. She’s got him…up in a power choke! Now she spins…reverse choke slam off the tope turnbuckle!! A pin…1…shoulder up!
(The match continues much like this for ten minutes, Arlechino getting pretty much tossed around the ring.)
Bob: It looks like Karla’s sensing a victory here! She’s sending Arlechino to the ropes…big power slam! Now, Karla off the ropes herself…legdrop!
Chad: A Hulkbuster on the braindead moron in makeup!! I’m loving it! Karla down for a pin, 1…2…she pulls him up!
Bob: Bad move on Karla’s part! This is the championship we’re talking about!
Chad: I get to see her punish that moron even more?!? YES!!
Lisa: And Karla picks up Arlechino, looks like a setup for a power slam, she picks him up and …no, Arlechino with a reversal! Small package!! 1…2…3!
Chad: WHAT IS THIS B%%%S%%T?
Bob: What your language, Chad! This is a family show!
Duffer: The winner of the match, and still Intercontinental Champion…ARLECHNINO!
(“Purple Haze” plays as Arlechino takes his belt from the ref.)
Bob: And Karla getting in both Arlechino and the Ref’s face about that count!! Seems like she’s not happy with the outcome of the match. Arlechino yelling something…Karla yelling back…whoa, swing and a miss by Karla! Looks like she wants the match to continue!! Arlechino backing up…and over the ropes!
Chad: A freak and a coward! I’m not surprised!!
Bob: Hey! Arlechino won the match, fairly! That’s something a lot of the champions now can’t say!
Chad: Ahh, go choke on a turkey bone, you ham! Let’s go to Jessie, who’s got an interview with…the freak!
Jessie: Arlechino, how are you feeling after that grueling matchup?
Ar: Like I want to go straight home to bed. (Grins)
Jessie: What do you think about Karla’s actions after the match?
Ar: (Face becoming grim) Fast count my butt!!!! We both know I pulled it off in the end, Karla. But hey, you want another piece of me!! Fine, I’ll send the contract to Big Jim tomorrow. We’ll go it again, if you’ve got the nerve!
Jessie: That’s it from the champ, guys. We’ll be back after these important messages.
(Bob stands in the locker room, wearing a black tux and a big smile.)
Bob: Fans, firm word has come down about the demise of a great former champion. This is truly a sad day in the world of e-wrestling, to be sure. To get details on which one, call my Insider Hotline at 1-900-555-INFO and get the whole story! Only 2.95 a minute, and kids–try to get your parents’ permission before calling! We’ll be back after this!
Bob: And this next one should be exciting, folks. We’ll be seeing two of the most violent teams in the ICWF lock up, for the Intercontinental Tag-team Championship! Let’s go down to the ring, and Mike Duffer, for the introductions.
Duffer: Ladies and gentlemen, LET’S GET READY TO SCUFFFFFULLLLLLLLLLEEEEEE! This match is scheduled for one fall, with no time limit, and is for the ICWF Intercontinental Tag-team Championship! Introducing first, the challengers. Accompanied to the ring, by their manager, Soultaker. They hail from The Ninth Level of Hell and Valhalla, and weigh in at 512 lbs. Here are Cerebus and Fenris…The Dogs of War!!
(The fans scream abuse as Soultaker leads the two wrestlers down the aisle.)
Lisa: The Dogs look rather docile tonight.
Jessie: Might be because of the dog collars and chains they’ve got around their necks. Soultaker leading both men to the ring…wait, they’ve stopped. Soultaker seems to be removing the collars, half way to the ring. The Dogs are released…and they’re charging the ring!
(The two men rush both Mike Duffer and the referee, who decide to vacate the ring. Fenris growls and snaps at them while Cerebus grabs the abandoned microphone.)
Cerebus: Bring those two punks out here, right now!! I wanna give them a piece of their minds!!
(Fury’s theme music starts up as the two men from rush to ringside. The Kingpin follows close behind, and none of the three look very happy.)
Cary Zents: Punks, huh? I’ll show you punks, you lousy s%^t!
Jessie: And Cary Zents and Cerebus lock up as the bell rings to start the match. Zents tosses Cerebus to the ropes…and an elbow from the champ! The fans are strangely quiet tonight, Chad.
Chad: They have the same problem I do, they don’t know who to boo. Of course, the humanoids usually don’t know that anyway, so why should tonight be different?
Bob: And Stewart Zents in to help his brother out! Fury already breaking the rules, and we’re not even a minute into the match. I’d say they’re scared, wouldn’t you, Chad?
Chad: You’ve inhaled too much oxygen, Bob, you’re trying to think again. Fury’s just anxious to get this match over with and get on to the real business.
Lisa: The Zent twins tossing Cerebus into the ropes…and a double boot from the champs! Caray picking Cerebus up…and Fenris in to make it two-on-two! Fenris attacking Steward from behind…and a toss out to the arena floor! The ref forces Fenris out, but the point was made. The Dogs can get as nasty as Fury if they want to.
(The action continues for another five minutes, with both teams using dirty double teams to try and get the upper hand.)
Jessie: And now, a whip to the ropes by Caray Zents… and a reversal by Cerebus! Cerebus with a clothesline on the champ! Steward Zents in the ring again!
Bob: That’s hardly surprising. These teams have hardly made a tag all night.
Chad: Of course not! That’s what the rules are for, breaking!
Lisa: Stewart with a clothesline of his own from behind on Cerebus. Now, the Zents have their opponent up…a whip to the ropes, and two feet to the mid-section. Stewart now leaving the ring, and his brother in control.
Jessie: Caray now with a suplex on Cerebus…and he gets him over. Cerebus can’t take this punishment for much longer, that much is certain. Now, Caray with a tag to Stewart, the two of them send Cerebus to the ropes…powerslam by Caray, and a legdrop by Stewart! And Fenris back in the ring!
Chad: It’s Chaos time!
Bob: Chad’s right, for once. Fenris attacking Stewart, who hits back with closed fists. Caray in there, and now Fury’s bashing on Fenris in his own corner. Soultaker up on the apron, and The Zents with a double headbutt! All three members of the dark pact are down and the ref has lost control! The Zents come back to Cerebus, who looks like he’s out cold. Caray picks him up, holding him for his brother. Stewart with a karate kick…and Cerebus drops down! Stewart nailed his brother!
Chad: Now, that’s gonna start a family feud!
Lisa: Caray’s down on the mat, and his brother’s seeing if he’s alright. Fenris in the ring, and he nails the ref from behind! Now, he’s coming off the ropes…Norse Hammer on Stewart! Fenris pushes Caray out of the ring, and rolls his partner on top of Stewart! The Kingpin moves to break it up, but Soultaker grabs him! Now they’re trading blows outside the ring!
Bob: Now THAT would be an interesting match!
Chad: I’m not sure if I should be indignant or proud of these guys! Fenris pulls off a sneak attack as he tries to shake the ref awake. The ref sees Cerebus on Stewart. He lays the count, 1…2…3!
Bob: What a disgusting turn of events! I can’t believe that just happened!
Chad: What, you’re cheering for Fury?
Bob: No, but I don’t believe any team should be beaten like that, especially not when a championship’s on the line!
Jessie: Kingpin has broken off to check on his men, while Soultaker moves to congratulate his new champions. Let’s go down for the official word.
Duffer: The winners of the match, and new Intercontinental Tag-team Champions, The Dogs of War!!!
Jessie: Cerebus and Fenris have grabbed chairs from ringside, and now they’re standing guard while Soultaker kneels over Fury…here comes the cavalry! Vixxxen, Gretchen Gwynne, and the Kingpin have charged into the ring, with chairs of their own! The rest of the Dark Pact is coming, but Soultaker and his bunch have been chased off! Kingpin’s got a mic!
Kingpin: You #@!@$&! Idiots maybe got lucky, but it’ll be a cold day in wherever you come from before you get to mess with my boys! If you’ve got any kinda balls whatsoever, you’ll give us a rematch next week!
(The Kingpin slams the mic down, and he and his stable exit the ring.)
Lisa: Folks, we’ve got to go to commercial, but we’ll be right back!
(Bob stands in the locker room, wearing a black tux and a big smile.)
Bob: Fans, I know how bizarre this is going to sound, but a prominent VCW wrestler is–get this–claiming he was abducted by ALIENS! He claims that small grey beings took him into their craft and performed unspeakable experiments, but they’re too explicit to recount on the air! To hear his provocative and disturbing account, call my Insider Hotline at 1-900-555-INFO and get the whole story! Only 2.95 a minute, and kids–try to get your parents’ permission before calling! We’ll be back after this!
Jessie: Well guys, this should be the match of the century. The ICWF World Tag-team Championship is on the line as the Apache Warriors challenge the Snake Sisters, Jennifer Sanders and the Python Princess.
Chad: This will be a tough match. I think The Snakes will take it because of their experience and they’ve been here before.
Bob: You’re right. They will win and it may not be so tough. The Apaches haven’t faced really tough competition, so they may not be up to the task at hand.
Chad: If he agrees with me, then I wanna change my mind.
Jessie: You guys are amazing. All I know is they will fight to the death. The Apaches are very hungry and want this match. But the Snakes won’t let go without one heck of a fight. Let’s go to Mike Duffer.
Duffer: Ladies and gentlemen. This match is one fall with a 60 minute time limit for the Internet Championship Wrestling Federation World Tag-team Championship. (“Another One Bites the Dust” plays over the PA system. The Apaches strut down the aisle, ignoring the fans. They enter the ring amidst loud jeers and boos.) Introducing the challengers, from Bisbee, AZ, at a combined weight of 355 lbs., here are the deadly Apache Warriors. (They stand staring at the opposite corner. Both women slowly remove their buckskin jackets and reveal black thong bikinis, fringed crop tops, and knee-high moccasin boots.)
Duffer: Now entering the ring, the World Champions. (The Snakes walk slowly down the aisle, slapping the hands of the fans, who boo them loudly.) Accompanied by Prince Percival DeGage, from Europe and Rattlesnake Gap, AZ, at a combined weight of 360 lbs., the World Tag-team Champions, the Python Princess and Jennifer Sanders, the Snake Sisters. (They slowly strut around the ring, glaring at the Apaches. They take off their capes, Jennifer reveals a snakeskin posing suit and snakeskin boots; Princess wears a thong snakeskin leotard and matching boots.) The referee is Tim White.
Jessie: These two really don’t like each other. Tim White will have his hands full because this could get rough and bloody. Here’s the bell. The Princess and Maria start off and lockup. Princess pushes her into the ropes and knees her belly, then slams her chest with a mean forearm smash. White moves in and gets Princess off her. They lockup again and Maria slips out, grabs an arm and throws her against the ropes. Maria drops here with a wicked clothesline, then pulls Princess up by her hair and lifts her with a chokeslam. Wow, what strength! Sanders tries to come in, but White stops her. But now Tanya comes in and they whip Princess into the ropes and nearly take her head off with a double clothesline. Princess is down and hurt. Tanya runs out and White never saw her. Maria picks up Princess and tries to lift her, but the Princess slams her fist into Maria’s belly, making her release. Princess takes advantage and tags Jennifer Sanders.
Chad: Things should change some now. They lockup and Sanders clamps on a headlock and flips her to the mat. She’s really pulling hard on her head and neck. Maria pulls her hair and gets her off. Both quickly gets up, but Maria kicks her head with a hard backward kick. She pulls up Sanders and throws her against the ropes, Maria running to the opposite ropes and running into her with a knee to her belly. Sanders down and not moving too well. Mankiller picks her up for a backbreaker, but Jennifer counters with three quick fists to Maria’s belly. She pulls her hair and stands her up, then whips her into the ropes and powerslams her, then drops on her for the pin. White’s counting, 1……….2…., Maria kicks out and rolls away. Sanders runs at her with a forearm smash, but Maria ducks and rolls to her corner for the tag.
Jessie: Here comes Tanya, but Jennifer meets her with a spin kick, dropping Tanya like a rock. Tanya gets pulled up for a backbreaker and is slammed on Jennifer’s knee. A couple more of those and this will be over. Sanders whips Tanya into a turnbuckle, then jumps her with a knee to her chest. White tries to get between them, but Sanders slaps Tanya, then knees her gut, and monkey-flips her. This could be over soon as Tanya stands and Sanders nails her with a dropkick to her head, sending her falling out of the ring. Sanders jumps to the floor and here come Princess and Maria. This is a battle royal down there as the four are punching and kicking. Princess kneedrops Tanya’s neck, then kicks her back. White finally breaks it up and Jennifer throws Tanya back into the ring and climbs in herself. She kneedrops Mankiller, then pulls her up and puts on a front headlock. She’s choking and White counts, but Jennifer breaks with a big kneelift. Tanya falls back and Sanders drops on her for the pin. White counts, 1……….2…, and a kickout. Sanders pulls up Tanya and throws her into the ropes then nails her with a shoulder block. Tanya’s taken a lot of punishment and still comes back. But Sanders drops her with a chop to her throat and quickly jumps on her back, pulling back on her chin. Tanya’s screaming, but won’t quit. Hey. Here’s Maria, kicking Sanders off Tanya. White chases her out, but Tanya gets to her sister and tags her.
Bob: These people really are punishing each other. How much can they take?
Jessie: I don’t know, but if this continues, we may have four dead wrestlers tonight. Maria comes in, locks up and throws Jennifer into the ropes. She drives a foot into Sanders’ gut and then stands her up for a mean chop to her throat. Maria kneedrops her, then pins her, but Sanders quickly kicks out. Maria then pulls her up and bodyslams her. That was a big slam, really driving her into the mat. Maria kicks her and shoves her out of the ring. She jumps on Jennifer, but Princess is there with a double ax-handle chop to Maria’s neck. Tanya runs over, but Princess hits her with a solid left to her chest. White is counting so Princess rolls her partner back in and Maria barely climbs back in at 19. Sanders greets her with an enzuigiri, dropping Maria. She dives on her for the pin, but Maria kicks out at 1. Tanya’s climbing in, but White stops her. He’s busy yelling at her so Princess runs in and she and Sanders throw Maria against the ropes and both drill her with a double fist to her belly. Maria drops and Princess runs out. White’s now yelling at her and Sanders chokes her with a front headlock. Maria’s gagging and trying to get to her sister, but Jennifer’s just playing with her. White’s checking the hold, and starts counting. Jennifer breaks with a kneelift. Maria looks like she’s out of it; really dazed.
Chad: Don’t count her out, she’s a tough one.
Bob] Not anymore she isn’t.
Jessie: She’s tough, but how much more can she take? Sanders slams Maria with a left to her jaw, then drops her with a kick to her gut. Maria’s on one knee, but Jennifer pulls her hair back and slams her head on the mat. She drags her by the hair to her corner, tags Princess who jumps off the top rope with a kneedrop to her chest. Princess stomps her body and pulls her up and throws her into the corner where Sanders grabs here hair and holds her while Princess runs into Maria with a knee to her chest. White separates them, but Maria’s nearly out. She staggers out as Princess runs at her. Maria drops and rolls to Tanya and tags her. She still had the presence of mind to tag out. Tanya runs in and threatens Princess with her fists.
Bob: Hit her! Show no mercy!
Chad: Hey, take it easy. You’re an announcer.
Jessie: Princess begs for mercy, but Tanya moves in and drives a fist into her belly, a kneelift to her chest and Princess falls back against the ropes. Tanya grabs her hair and tosses her across the ring. She grabs her again and another snap mare. Princess sits up and catches a foot to the back of her head. Tanya’s going for the kill as she picks up Princess for a bodyslam. Princess bounces off the mat and just lays there. Tanya drops on her with an elbow to her chest, then lays across her for the pin. The count, 1……….2.., and Princess kicks out. These battlers are too tough for a mere pin. It’s way too early.
Chad: Yes, it is. This will go on for some time yet.
Jessie: Tanya pulls Princess up and throws her to Maria who rams a boot into Princess’ gut. These women are just plain beating each other. Maria holds her while Tanya moves in and slams a forearm smash to Princess’ head. Here comes Jennifer, around White and hammers Tanya with a fist to her kidney. Tanya folds, clutching her left kidney. Jennifer keeps hammering her with more fists, then a knee to her head. Maria is smashing Princess with punches and a chop. Finally White counts and the women split up. But Princess grabs a hurt Tanya and chops her throat. She stands her up and puts on the abdominal stretch. Tanya’s hurt and Princess really twists her. But Tanya is moving to the ropes and, yes, she grabs them. But Princess won’t let go. White’s yelling at her, then starts counting. At 4, Princess backs off. Tanya slowly moves off the ropes, but Princess grabs her, spins her around and clamps on the full nelson. Tanya tries to power out, but Princess is no slouch. She has that hold on tight and Tanya is squirming. Her head is pushed forward, really straining her neck. Tanya tries to get to the ropes, but Princess has her under control. She moves her to her corner and Jennifer slams a fist into Tanya’s chest. White stops it, but Tanya’s trapped there and both women beat on her. Finally Princess tags Jennifer and she comes in with a big elbow drop off the top rope. Tanya needs to get out of there, but can’t.
Chad: She will now. Here come Maria and she dropkicks Princess into the corner, then grabs her sister and throws her to their corner.
Jessie: Tanya’s catching her breath after tagging Maria. I’m not sure Maria’s ready to come in. Wow, look at the clock; it’s been over 15 minutes. I haven’t seen the Snakes taken this far in a long time. Maria goes after Princess and pushes her into the ropes. A big knee and a front headlock, maybe choking Princess. Maria twists Princess’ head away from White. That’s it, he’s counting and Maria releases at 4. Princess is gagging and Maria moves back in with a side headlock and hip toss. She’s got her down and straining on that neck. Look at those arms bulge from squeezing Princess’ head. These are some strong women. Princess is looking for the ropes, but Maria has her positioned in the center. Finally Princess pulls Maria’s hair and flips her over, nearly pinning her. She gets out of the hold and manages to roll away from Maria. Before Princess can tag out, Maria grabs an arm and tosses her against the ropes. A clothesline drops Princess, followed by a bodyslam and kneedrop. Maria stands and looks at her work.
Chad: She better pay attention to the match. Look, Princess is rolling away and tagging Jennifer.
Jessie: Sanders is mad and quickly grabs Maria, kneeing her belly, then drops a double ax-handle chop onto her neck. She kicks Maria as she tries to cover up, then pulls her hair and stands her up. A hard chop to Maria’s throat and the Apache is gagging, trying desperately to breathe. Sanders pulls her hair, holding her head up for the crowd to see and drills an elbow into her head. She throws Maria against the ropes and jumps on her, driving her backwards to the mat for a pin. The ref counts, 1……….2……, and Maria just gets out. Sanders thought she had her and yells at White. Maria tries to get away, but Sanders grabs her hair and holds her while chewing out White for a slow count. She turns and kicks Maria’s head, sending her sprawling. Jennifer’s pulling her up. Looks like a big suplex coming up. Yes, she has her up, but Tanya runs in and punches Jennifer’s belly. She loses her balance and falls backward with Maria landing on top. They’re both dazed, but Maria tries for a pin. No good as Sanders kicks out. She slowly stands and grabs Maria’s left arm. She twists it and applies an armbar. This will wear down Maria as Jennifer keeps the pressure on. Oh my, a big kick to Maria’s belly, then another, as Sanders is trying for an end to this match. She throws Maria into a corner and follows with a flying elbow. That shot snapped Maria’s head back, nearly taking it off. Maria’s just slumped to the mat, all done in.
Chad: I’ll bet she’s faking. Yes, here comes Sanders and Maria rolls into her, taking out her legs, and then running to tag Tanya.
Bob: Good call, but these teams must be pooped.
Chad: Don’t confuse these wrestlers with Bulk and Savant.
Jessie: Tanya comes in, but Sanders tags out and Princess comes back in. They lockup and Princess pushes Tanya into the ropes and chokes her. White counts and Princess releases, then grabs her hair and rubs her eyes along the top rope. That should feel good. Tanya’s rubbing her eyes and can’t see Princess. A big dropkick sends Tanya to the mat. Princess follows with a kick to her head, then pulls her up for a bodyslam. Princess has her up and carries her around, then drops her across her knee. Tanya just lays there, unable to move. It’s been 20 minutes and these two are still going at it. Princess pulls her up and moves behind her for the belly-to-back suplex. She lifts her and easily throws Tanya over her shoulders, onto the mat. She bridges to pin Tanya, but it doesn’t work as Princess slides over, losing the leverage. But Tanya is hurt and can’t move. Princess lifts her, but Maria runs in and tackles her, allowing Tanya to get away. She gets to her corner and tags Maria who comes in and stomps on Princess’ back and head. Now the Princess tries to get to Jennifer, but Maria pulls her arm and twists it up high behind her back. That hammerlock will help her disposition. Maria pushes it up her back and pulls her hair. The Princess suddenly rams an elbow into Maria’s ribs, then another and Maria lets go. Princess trying to get the arm back while Maria coughs from the elbows. Princess grabs Maria’s hair and slams a fist into her face. Maria’s head snaps back and she drops. But the ref warns Princess about closed fists and she loses Maria who gets to Tanya. They aren’t tagging, just resting. Princess yells for them to come out and finally Maria comes out. She holds up her hands for a test of strength and princess goes for it. Maria and Princess lock fingers and push. Maria has the Princess going down, but now Princess is coming back. She’s bending Maria backward, but now the Princess is getting it. Maria is rising and forcing Princess back. She nails her with a kick to Princess’ belly, then another. White breaks it up, but Princess is hurt. Maria moves in and puts on a headlock, then bulldogs her. Another headlock and a bulldog. Princess is stumbling around the ring. Jennifer runs in and pushes her to their corner. Maria tries to get Princess, but can’t and Sanders jumps in with dropkick to Maria’s head.
Bob: Look at this! Sanders can still lift her for a bodyslam.
Chad: I told you they weren’t Bulk or Savant.
Jessie: Sanders throws Maria into the ropes, but misses with a clothesline as Maria ducks and stumbles to Tanya. Tanya comes in and pushes Sanders into the ropes and grabs her hair, tossing her across the ring. Sanders tries to get up, but Tanya runs at her and clotheslines her, then follows with an elbow drop and choke. Sanders can’t move, but White breaks it up. Tanya Picks up Sanders and lifts her into a bearhug. She lifts Jennifer off the mat and shakes her like a doll. Sanders pushes back on Tanya’s chin, but can’t get away. Finally she jabs her throat and Tanya lets go. Sanders pushes her into the ropes and hammers her with fists, then runs to tag Princess. Princess runs at Tanya, driving an elbow into her head. God, how much longer can this go on? Princess whips Tanya into the ropes, but misses with a clothesline as Tanya ducks. Princess turns just in time to catch a dropkick in her head. Princess is lifted off her feet and lands on her back. Tanya kneedrops her, then pulls her up for a bodyslam. Wow, that had to hurt, especially in their condition. Geez, we just passed 30 minutes. Tanya hauls her up by the hair and lifts her, no, Princess blocks her with a couple of quick shots to the belly. She drives her knee up into Tanya’s chest. Tanya falls into the ropes and Princess grabs her head, rolling back, taking Tanya over her into a small package. White counts, 1……….2…, and Tanya rolls out taking Princess with her as she reverses it. The count, 1……….2……….3, and it’s over! We have new World Tag-team Champions! This is really something! Let’s go to Mike Duffer.
Duffer: The winners and new ICWF World Tag-team Champions, in 31:44, the Apache Warriors.
Jessie: I still can’t believe this. The Apache Warriors have beaten the Snake Sisters for the title.
Chad: It was one great match.
Bob: No! Not much wrestling, just hitting and kicking, like school kids.
Chad: Some school kids.
Jessie: Let’s go to Danny Lopez with the winners. Wait, up in the ring, the Apaches are helping the Snakes, Tanya helps the Princess up and they shake hands. This really is a first.
Chad: Not really. These teams are very similar. Both rough and take no prisoners.
Danny: Congratulations on your great win. The belts look great on you.
Tanya: Thank you, Danny. We like the looks, too. We want to bring in the Snakes to share this. They put up a hell of a fight. Oh, can I say that? Oh well, too bad. Come in here girls.
Princess: Thanks Tanya. Danny, these two are damn good wrestlers and deserve the belt more than any others. We don’t like losin’ the belts, but at least it was to the Apaches.
Danny: That’s a very nice thing to say. What’s next Maria?
Maria: We’ll rest for a little while, then start defending the title. I guess there’ll be some buttheads out there thinkin’ they can get it. Well, think again!
Tanya: Of course, the Snakes can get a shot at it. They may be the only team able to win it. Well, maybe Bulk and Savant, too. (All four women break up laughing)
Danny: Will you remain as a team or wrestle as singles?
Tanya: We’ll do both, but like being a team for now. Maybe next week we’ll hate each other and go single, but for now we’re champs. Maybe we’ll go for singles titles, maybe Arlechino or Spangles.
Danny: Are you thinking of going on tour, say to Japan or Europe?
Maria: We were, but this title shot came up and now we’ll stay and defend it. This’ll be a lot of fun, seein’ some of these bozos tryin’ to get our belts. Besides, we’ve already destroyed Japanese and European wrestlers. They can’t hold a candle to the ICWF. We gotta go now. Thanks for the time. See ya, Danny.
Jessie: Well, there goes one sky-high tag-team. They should hang on to the title for a long time, unless the Snakes come on strong and win it back. And speaking of teams, now is a great time to announce our next pay-per-view spectacular, Spring Slaughter!
Lisa: That’s right, Jessie! And not only will it feature some major singles action, it will be the debut of an exciting new tournament–our first random-pairings tag team cup!
Bob: Yes, and a true test of skill and courage it will be. You’ll have no idea whom your partner will be until the moment of the first match! Will the parties in question be able to put aside any possible differences to contend for this coveted prize?
Chad: Me personally, I’m lookin’ forward to seein’ some of these goody-good teams get broken up–and having to face one another! I wonder how the Vision in Violet would feel havin’ to slap her good buddy Kelly around?
Jessie: That is one possibility, Chad! So look for the Spring Slaughter soon– and call your cable company for availability! Anyway, that’s our show for this week! For Bob Brodsky, Chad Romero, and “Luscious” Lisa Madison, I’m Jessie James saying, “So long!”