INT. KAN TAI’S APARTMENT
Kan Tai and Panda are sitting at the window
of their apartment. In the background, the television can be heard playing a
cartoon of some sort while the two stare out the
window.
PANDA
(sighing) I wish it would snow for Christmas.
KAN TAI
It will snow! The man on the radio said it is going to snow!
You should have faith, Panda.
PANDA
It’s clear as day outside, Kan. I’m pretty sure it’s not
going to snow.
The news interrupts their speaking.
REPORTER
This is a Special News Bulletin! During a visit down near CIty Hall, Santa was kidnapped in broad daylight! We have
this footage.
Video footage sees SANTA CLAUS handing out
candy to children down by City Hall. Suddenly, from the sky sliding down ropes,
two individuals reach the ground. They rush over and put a giant bag over the
head of Santa and scoop him up.
MYSTERY KIDNAPPER #1
We got him! Bring us up!
The two figures hold onto the giant sack as
they are lifted up into the air and get back on the helicopter.
MYSTERY KIDNAPPER #2
Let’s go go go!
The helicopter flies off and disappears into
the distance. We go back to Panda and Kan Tai watching this on TV.
PANDA
Someone stole Santa Claus! What are we going to do?
KAN TAI
It’s not stealing, Panda. It’s kidnapping! And I don’t know
what we’re going to do!
PANDA
Someone has to save him!
KAN TAI
Sounds like another job for Kan Tai and Panda, if you ask me.
PANDA
Are you sure this isn’t a job for the police?
KAN TAI
Get your things! Let’s go down to the scene of the crime!
KAN TAI PANDA ADVENTURES OPENING
(Theme Song: Jingle Bell Rock – Special Christmas Themed Open)
EPISODE 1: COVEN CHRISTMAS
Ext CITY HALL
KAN TAI and PANDA are walking towards City
Hall. There are police cars with lights flashing all around. Several police
officers are questioning witnesses to the event who are giving their account of
the incident.
PANDA
I don’t know what you think we can do here, Kan Tai. It’s not
like we are detectives or the police. We should just let them do their job.
KAN TAI
You never know what you can do until you try, Panda.
KAN TAI stops moving and PANDA crashes into
the back of her, falls backwards and rubs his nose.
PANDA
What’s the big idea?
KAN TAI
Look over there.
The camera moves over and speaking to an
officer is a tall blond haired woman.
KAN TAI AND PANDA
It’s Elysium World Champion, Stacy DeVille!
Cue applause track as a graphic for Stacy
appears on the screen, pauses for a moment and then fades away.
KAN TAI
Stacy DeVille! What are you doing
here?
STACY
I’m here like everyone else. I came down to see Santa Claus,
but then I saw what happened. I know you, you’re Kan Tai and Panda.
PANDA
And I’m Panda!
KAN TAI
She said that already.
PANDA
Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you.
KAN TAI
So, what did you see, Stacy?
STACY
Just like it was on the news. Santa was here giving out candy
and talking to children when a helicopter came out of the sky and two
individuals slid down a rope and bagged the jolly old man and took him up and
away.
PANDA
You couldn’t identify who they were?
STACY
Well, they were wearing masks but I did recognize one of the
Santa-nappers. I’d recognize those hips anywhere.
KAN TAI
Who was it? Tell us!
STACY
It was…
The sounds of police radios crackling. The
scene shifts to a business district where an appliance store has televisions in
the window and a voice is heard over TVs, radios, anything with a speaker.
VOICE 1
Now hear this! We have kidnapped your dear precious Santa
Claus and if our demands aren’t met, then we will hold him until Christmas day
is over!
There’s a bit of shuffling heard and a second
voice is heard.
VOICE 2
You hear that? You better do what we say or we’re gonna make
Christmas go away, just like that!
VOICE 1
I got this, thanks.
VOICE 2
I just wanted to make sure they know we mean business!
VOICE 1
Oh, they’re gonna know alright.
COP
This is LT Flannigan here with the police force and just so
we are clear, what exactly are your demands?
KAN TAI
You sure you know who that is, Stacy?
STACY
Sure do. That’s Jansen Myrrh and that means the other would
be War Queen Leah.
PANDA
That means the one flying the copter had to be Gabriel Ohio.
KAN TAI
All members of that evil organization known as Coven. They’re
always up to no good!
STACY
That’s right. Whatever it is they have planned or whatever it
is they want, it isn’t going to be easy.
JANSEN
(On the radio) We’re going to tell you exactly what we want
and you better be ready to deliver if you ever want to have Christmas ever
again!
Dramatic music and a break.
As the show comes back from a commercial
break, KAN TAI, STACY DEVILLE, PANDA and LT FLANNIGAN are standing around
looking like they aren’t quite sure they heard what they just heard from
members of the COVEN. So, the show rewinds to what was missed during the break.
REWIND BACK TO:
KAN TAI, STACY DEVILLE, PANDA and LT
FLANNIGAN are outside of a squad car and FLANNIGAN has the radio in hand.
FLANNIGAN
We know that you three are Coven members. We are willing to
listen to your demands, so what are they.
INT. MYSTERY LAIR
JANSEN MYRRH, WAR QUEEN LEAH and GABRIEL OHIO
are standing around an old radio that seems to be emitting some electromagnetic
waves through the antenna. JANSEN MYRRH has the handset of the radio in her
hand as she looks at the other two.
JANSEN MYRRH
We got them jokers right where we want them. Let’s hit them.
Muffling noises are heard as the scene pans
over to SANTA CLAUS tied to a chair with a Christmas decorated handkerchief in
his mouth to keep him quiet.
JANSEN MYRRH: Shut up, old man or we’ll have BBQ
reindeer for dinner tonight.
WAR QUEEN LEAH
Let’s hit them with it.
JANSEN MYRRH clicks on the handheld.
JANSEN MYRRH
We hereby demand (whispers to LEAH and GABRIEL) see how I use
important words? (back to the radio) We hereby demand that every cease in the
creation of anything that tastes, looks, smell or sounds like Pumpkin Spice. We
don’t need pastries, cereal, air freshener, oatmeal, window cleaner, leather,
hand sanitizer…
WAR QUEEN LEAH reaches for the microphone.
WAR QUEEN LEAH
You all have gone too far this time. I accidentally bought some
TP that smells like pumpkin spice! Who would have ever come up with that crazy
idea?! You all need to stop and you need to stop right now or SANTA is
gonna get dunked in a big ol’ vat of pumpkin spice
tea!
GABRIEL OHIO grunts as he walks over and turns
a dial to SCORCHING HOT and steam starts to come out of the giant vat with
coincidentally has a giant label on it that says “PUMPKIN SPICE TEA” and a
smaller one that says, “DANGER: Contents could be hot. Handle with
caution.” As GABRIEL walks back towards the others, he is chuckling under
his breath.
WAR QUEEN LEAH
(into the microphone) GABRIEL OHIO just turned up the heat to
scorching hot, so if you don’t want to see SANTA turned into a pumpkin spice
flavored crispy critter, you better get on it!
JANSEN MYRRH grabs the microphone.
JANSEN MYRRH
(to War Queen Leah) It’ll be more like pumpkin spice stew,
but I think they get the point. (back to the microphone) You only have a few
hours left before it’s Christmas so if you expect the fat man to go deliver all
his dumb presents before it’s over, you better get us some answers quick or
SANTA is gonna be soup! Coven out!
EXT. OUTSIDE CITY HALL
Back to the original scene where LT
FLANNIGAN, STACY DEVILLE, KAN TAI and PANDA are standing there looking like
they cannot believe they heard what they heard.
STACY DEVILLE
I know Coven are a little odd, but even this is ridiculous.
KAN TAI
We have to do something!
PANDA
I guess we can go mourn Santa Claus.
KAN TAI
PANDA! We have to save him.
PANDA
We don’t even know where he is.
STACY DEVILLE
I have a good idea.
STACY points towards a large looming castle.
Around the castle there is dark clouds and lightning. Over the city, clear
skies, but over the castle nothing but bad weather.
PANDA
Man, only bad weather can tolerate hanging out with Coven.
PANDA starts to head in the opposite
direction.
KAN TAI
Where are you going?
PANDA
Back to the apartment. Where it’s safe. Warm. And there are
no giant vats of pumpkin spice tea.
KAN TAI reaches over and grabs PANDA by the
tail as he tries to keep walking.
KAN TAI
We have to save Christmas! (to Stacy) Are you in?
STACY DEVILLE
Oh, I’m in like a partridge in a pear tree.
PANDA
I’ve a feeling that it’s going to be three geese cooking before it’s all said and done.
STACY DEVILLE
Well, four if you count Santa Claus.
PANDA
Not helpful!
FADE OUT to Commercial
FADE IN to STACY, KAN TAI and PANDA outside
of the COVEN Castle. They know this because on the entrance to the castle, is a
big sign that says “COVEN CASTLE” there is also another sign right under it
that says, “GO AWAY. NO SOLICITING” and under that one more that reads, “UNLESS
YOU HAVE GIRL SCOUT COOKIES”.
STACY
Not too subtle, are they?
KAN TAI
Not at all.
PANDA
Can we go yet? We obviously aren’t welcome.
KAN TAI
Panda! We have to save Santa!
PANDA
I mean really, how important is he that we should risk our
lives to save him?
STACY and KAN TAI
PANDA!
PANDA
Okay! Okay! So, we just waltz in the front door then?
STACY
That works for me.
The trio walks up the long, cement steps that
lead to the front door of the castle. Lighting is seen and thunder is
heard. There is, predictably, a long string that hangs down near the
door.
KAN TAI
What are the chances the door is unlocked?
STACY
Maybe 1 percent.
STACY reaches for the door and tries to open
it, but it is indeed locked.
KAN TAI
We could knock?
Just then PANDA reaches over and places his
hand on the rope to keep him from falling backwards and a loud GONG rings out,
startling both KAN TAI and STACY who leap into the air in suspended motion
before coming back down. Lucky for them, the gong allows for the door to creep
open just a tad.
PANDA
Ima go now!
PANDA starts to run away from the castle but
KAN TAI reaches out and grabs his tail as he continues to try to run, but goes
nowhere.
STACY
I guess we go in.
As PANDA continues to try and run, STACY
reaches over and gives the door a push and it emits a very loud creak that
causes PANDA’s hair to stand on end and make him run faster. STACY enters
the castle and KAN TAI follows dragging PANDA right behind her.
Int Coven Castle
JANSEN MYRRH is sitting at the table next to
the radio, tapping her fingers on the wood surface. WAR QUEEN LEAH is playing a
video game and GABRIEL OHIO is sitting in front of SANTA CLAUS who appears to
be sweating. Every once in a while, OHIO will reach over and touch a finger to
the forehead of SANTA while SANTA winces. Then for no reason, OHIO busts out in
laughter.
GABRIEL OHIO
Can I put him in the vat yet?
WAR QUEEN LEAH
(without stopping her video game playing) Not yet. They got a
bit more time. You know, I was thinking that we should have asked for some cash
too. We could use a few more things around the castle.
JANSEN MYRRH
What’s the point? We just steal what we want anyway.
WAR QUEEN LEAH
Truth.
The sound of a gong is faintly heard as
JANSEN MYRRH perks up.
JANSEN MYRRH
You invite that troll over again?
GABRIEL OHIO
You mean my mother?
JANSEN MYRRH
Shh.
Everyone stops what they’re doing for a long
moment.
JANSEN MYRRH
I think someone’s inside. Better not be any wrestlers coming
to try and save SANTA. I’ll make them wish they hadn’t.
WAR QUEEN LEAH
Who’d be dumb enough to not read our signs outside.
GABRIEL OHIO
Maybe it’s the Girl Scouts.
War Queen Leah
Oh snap! I need some of them Samoa Joes.
GABRIEL OHIO
I don’t think that’s what their called.
JANSEN gets up out of her chair and motions
for the others to follow.
JANSEN MYRRH
C’mon.
The trio begin to move out and disappear
through a doorway. As they move through the corridor, there are several
pictures of trio in goofy poses lined up in the hallway. For some reason,
they have torches to light the hallway instead of lights. The three tip toe in
a very ridiculous manner.
Scene changes back to STACY, KAN TAI and
PANDA moving down another corridor when the face of GABRIEL OHIO appears as he
growls! Panda’s hair stands on end for a moment.
JANSEN MYRRH
I know them! That’s Stacy DeVille,
Kan Tai and her annoying panda Panda. Get them!
Crazy chase scene ensues with JANSEN running
after PANDA, LEAH chasing KAN TAI and GABRIEL OHIO chasing STACY. The pairs run
back and forth across the screen several times with goody chase music playing
in the background. The chase ends when the COVEN trio run by chasing no
one. Slowly, the lids of three urns rise up, revealing STACY, KAN TAI and
PANDA’s heads peeking out.
STACY
I think the coast is clear.
KAN TAI
Let’s go find Santa.
PANDA
How will we get near them without getting Coven out of the
way?
KAN TAI
(excitedly) I have a plan!
FADE OUT TO: Commercial
FADE IN TO: STACY DEVILLE, KAN TAI and PANDA
are ducked down, hiding from COVEN as KAN TAI has just finished explaining her
plan.
STACY DEVILLE
That can’t possibly work. Where are we going to find…
Before she can finish that sentence, KAN TAI
pulls a large chain of Christmas lights out of her pocket.
STACY DEVILLE
How did you…
PANDA
(interrupting) Don’t ask, okay? What I want to know is
why’s it gotta be me?
KAN TAI
Because you’re the smallest and it’s either you do what I
said, or you have to be the bait.
PANDA
Good point. Alright, give them to me.
Meanwhile, elsewhere in the castle.
WAR QUEEN LEAH
See where they went?
JANSEN MYRRH
No. They just vanished.
JANSEN pauses for a moment and looks at the
three of them for a moment.
JANSEN MYRRH
If we’re here, who’s watching Fat Christmas?
KAN TAI
(from a distance) I found Santa!
WAR QUEEN LEAH
Let’s go!
The trio run towards the voice down the hall.
KAN TAI and STACY are standing there waiting.
JANSEN MYRRH
There they are!
STACY and KAN TAI begin to run with the COVEN
on their heels when suddenly flying down from on high, PANDA with a trail of
Christmas lights fly in and then circle around and around and around and around
the three COVEN members, tying them up nice and neat.
STACY and KAN TAI
We got them!
PANDA
Who got them?
PANDA reaches over and plug in the lights and
they begin to flash.
FADE OUT TO: Outside of the castle. The police have handcuffed
members of the Coven and are taking them away.
LT FLANNIGAN
Well, I can’t believe you saved Santa. We were about to storm
the place, but at least we know he’s safe and sound. Where is the jolly
man, anyway?
STACY, KAN TAI and PANDA all exchange looks.
ALL
We don’t know!
SANTA
(walking out of the castle) Oh ho ho!
I’m right here.
KAN TAI
SANTA!
PANDA
How did you get free?
SANTA
Oh, I could have left anytime I wanted, but I thought I’d see
if anyone would be willing to save Christmas.
PANDA
Wait, so we went through all of that for nothing? And still
no snow.
SANTA leans over and touches PANDA on the
nose and then gives him a wink.
SANTA
Thanks to you three, Christmas is saved! I’ll make sure to leave something special for you at your homes.
STACY DEVILLE
Well, we couldn’t let Christmas get ruined by those three
scrooges.
JANSEN MYRRH turns around.
JANSEN MYRRH
(snarling) You think you’re so smart. One day, everything
will be pumpkin spice and you’ll be wishing that you had let us finish our
plan. Both of you and your stupid panda too.
WAR QUEEN LEAH
Who runs around with a dumb panda anyway?
COP:
Let’s go.
GABRIEL OHIO is the last to be placed into
the van and he manages a grunt before finally going inside and the doors are
closed behind them and the van takes off. Focus on Panda as a single snowflake
falls and lands right on his nose. He jumps around for joy as more snow begins
to fall.
SANTA
I should be getting on my way though, so many presents to
deliver.
SANTA starts to walk off the screen when he
turns back.
SANTA
You haven’t seen my sleigh around anywhere, have you?
FADE TO: Live action KAN TAI with her stuffed
Panda
KAN TAI
Hi everyone! Today you saw what scrooges
people can be if they don’t believe in the Christmas Spirit. Stacy DeVille, myself and Panda put the Christmas Spirit in
action. It’s not just important to behave yourself all year around to get
presents from Santa, but because it’s what the Christmas spirit is all about.
So, take it from Panda and me, always do the right thing and display the
Christmas Spirit all year around.
KAN TAI holds up Panda in one hand and waves
the with other.
KAN TAI
We will see you next time!
FADE OUT TO AN ANIMATED WAREHOUSE
The doors of the warehouse open up and with a
thunking sound effect, rows of lights come on.
Someone leads eight reindeer into the warehouse and into a stall that is
labelled for them.
Scene switches to an office scene where a
mysterious individual sits behind a desk, watching the warehouse on a monitor.
MALE VOICE
One down, many to go. Very soon I will own all of these precious things. (laughing) Including that talking Panda. (more laughing)
CREDITS
KAN TAI as
Herself
PANDA voiced by
Cash Mack
STACY DEVILLE as
herself
JANSEN MYRRH as
herself
WAR QUEEN LEAH
as herself
GABRIEL OHIO as
himself
SANTA voiced by
Jeff Moore
LT FLANNIGAN
voiced by Nip Sails
END EPISODE