Ext opens at the City Park. There is a crowd
of individuals standing around and in the gazebo
stands the Mayor of the city and beside them are professional wrestling Arley
Kirk and Super Tiger, better known as the Kawaii Trash Pandas. There is a
banner over the gazebo proclaiming it “Kawaii Trash Panda Day” and the Mayor is
giving a speech.
MAYOR
And furthermore, in remembrance of their great service to our
community through outreach and acts of kindness, we dedicate this day as Kawaii
Trash Panda Day.
He steps back and the team step forward to
the microphone and Super Tiger begins to speak.
SUPER TIGER
We would like to thank the Mayor and the city for this
recognition! We are truly honored to be honored on this day.
ARLEY KIRK
Yeah! And we want to encourage everyone else to chip in and
do their part to help this city and those in need! We can’t do everything on
our own.
The Mayor steps forward again as the scene
pans to notice that KAN TAI and PANDA are in the audience of spectators.
MAYOR
We want to do a special dedication of this very particular
tree which was planted on the first day this town actually became a town. And
look how it has grown.
As everyone turns towards the tree, there is
a gasp from the crowd as instead of a big tree, there is a giant hole.
There is a sign sticking out of the hole that reads, “SORRY, TRASH PANDAS!”
KAN TAI PANDA ADVENTURES OPENING
(Theme Song: “GO!” by M83 & Mia Lan)
EPISODE 2: TRASH PANDA TREE
FADE BACK TO SCENE
ARLEY KIRK, SUPER TIGER, KAN TAI, PANDA are
all gathered around the big hole in the ground.
SUPER TIGER
Who would do such a mean thing?
ARLEY KIRK
Someone who had a sad childhood, I imagine. What are we gonna
do now?
KAN TAI
Well, obviously we have to find who did this.
PANDA
Well, you three have fun. I’m just gonna go…
KAN TAI
Oh no you’re not! You’re going to help us solve this mystery!
PANDA
I was afraid you were going to say that.
Ex Scene change to a van driving down the
road with a logo on the side for “NewTube” On top of the van is a giant tree
tied down. It’s obscenely huge sitting on top compared to the size of the van.
As the scene focuses on the driver, we are treated to a graphic letting us know
that the driver is “Evil” Emily Falls.
She drives the van through a gate and into a
large building that looks to be the abandoned warehouse for the defunct
“NewTube” company. As she drives through, the tree has to squeeze to fit in and
the garage door slams shut behind her. Inside the abandoned media
factory, Emily gets out of her vehicle and all her henchmen follow suit.
HENCHMAN 1
So, boss, whatchu gonna do with
this big fancy tree?
HENCHMAN 2
Big Christmas tree?
EMILY FALLS
I’m the idea person around here. And I haven’t decided
actually what I wanna do with this tree! Maybe I’ll have it cut into smaller
pieces so I can make the world’s largest dollhouse. Maybe I’ll turn it into a
big pile of toothpicks. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll take it out into the forest and
plant it back into the ground…
HENCHMAN 3
I mean, if you do that, how you gonna pay…
EMILY FALLS
Are you questioning my decisions, Henchman… which number are
you again?
HENCHMAN 3
Three…
EMILY FALLS
I don’t care which number you are! Don’t question me again!
And I’ll pay you like I paid you last time.
The henchmen groan.
HENCHMAN 1
Gift cards again? I don’t even like Denny’s.
HENCHMAN 2
Or Old Navy.
EMILY FALLS
You know the deal when you signed up. You wanna go be
henchmen somewhere else, by all means. But don’t think you’re getting any gift
cards if you leave. Now, before I was so rudely interrupted, my entire point
was to spoil that ceremony for those stupid Kawaii Trash Pandas! How do they
get a day of celebration and I don’t? It should be Emily Falls Day! It should
be Emily Falls Day around the entire world!
HENCHMAN 2
Hey, boss. What is it you’ve done to deserve a day in your
honor?
Emily gets up into the henchmen’s face with a
mean look.
EMILY FALLS
What did I do? Did you just ask me what I did? I. WAS. BORN!!
That’s what I did! I should be celebrated for my existence. You got that? Or do
I need to do that thing the last time you questioned me?
HENCHMAN 3
Not the cat thing, boss. Look, we won’t ask no more
questions, just don’t do the cat thing.
EMILY FALLS
Fine. Let’s get this tree up to the wood mill. I’m going to
wood chip those Trash Panda’s day of happiness into mulch!
DRAMATIC MUSIC INTO BREAK
Scene returns to KAN TAI, PANDA, ARLEY KIRK
AND SUPER TIGER still at the City Park.
KAN TAI
Any idea who could have done such an evil thing?
SUPER TIGER
Well, you do make a lot of enemies in professional wrestling,
but I don’t know who would want to ruin a day of celebrating doing good in the
community.
ARLEY KIRK
Really, we were all just trying to have some good fun and
someone had to come along and spoil it.
PANDA has wandered off while the other three
chat.
KAN TAI
Well, we have to do something! We can’t leave that big giant
hole in the ground!
SUPER TIGER
I know! Someone could fall in and hurt themselves.
ARLEY KIRK
The bigger picture is that this was a very rare tree and
probably very valuable. It’s a historic landmark for the town.
KAN TAI
So, the real question is how in the world will we find out
where the tree was taken and who took it?
PANDA clears his throat as he stands in the
middle of the road.
PANDA
How about this trail of needles?
Sure enough, there is a trail of tree needles
that lead down the road that must have been left by the tree thief.
ARLEY KIRK
Huh. Well, how did we miss that?
SUPER TIGER
Let’s follow and see where they lead?
As they zoom off the scene changes to Emily
Falls and her henchmen as they are in their van, driving up a dirt road.
EMILY FALLS
Let’s hurry. We gotta get this tree cut up before the
authorities are onto us. I’m going to build the world’s biggest dollhouse with
all the wood I’m gonna cut with this tree.
HENCHMAN 1
Where are you gonna put this dollhouse, boss?
EMILY FALLS
At my house. Where else would I put it? How can I play dolls
if the dollhouse isn’t at my house? Maybe if I make the dollhouse big enough,
it could just be my house after all.
HENCHMAN 2
That’s a good idea, boss.
The van pulls up to the wood mill, which we
know because there’s a big sign outside that reads “Wood Mill”. EMILY
FALLS gets out of the van.
EMILY FALLS
Let’s get this tree into the mill and get to cutting. We
gotta get this thing cut faster than a woodchuck!
HENCHMAN 3
I don’t think woodchucks really chuck wood.
EMILY FALLS
Who asked you? Are you questioning me? I told you to stop
reading Wikipedia!
HENCHMAN 3
Sorry, boss.
Scene changes to in front of the abandoned
NewTube warehouse. Parked in front are our heroes.
KAN TAI
Looks like they were here but left.
SUPER TIGER
More needles leading up into the forest from here.
ARKEY KIRK
What’s up in the forest besides more trees?
PANDA points to a sign that says “Wood Mill”
with an arrow leading up.
KAN TAI
They’re gonna cut up the historic tree!
SUPER TIGER
(angrily) Who would do such a thing?
ARLEY KIRK
And why?
KAN TAI
As we going to sit here and ask silly questions or are we going to go try and stop them?
PANDA
I vote we sit here!
Unfortunately for PANDA, his vote is ignored
as the quartet zoom off up towards the wood mill. Meanwhile, at the wood mill…
HENCHMAN 1
You hear that, boss? Sounds like a car of some sort.
EMILY FALLS moves to the cliff and looks over
and sees our heroes zooming up towards them.
EMILY FALLS
Drat it all! Get the thing ready!
HENCHMAN 2
What thing?
EMILY FALLS
(exasperated) The trap thing!
The henchmen have finished putting the tree
on the conveyor belt and quickly rush to the van.
Scene changes back to our heroes as they zoom
towards the wood mill, ARLEY KIRK is driving with PANDA in the passenger seat
and KAN TAI and SUPER TIGER in the back. SUPER TIGER leans forward and points.
SUPER TIGER
Look! The wood mill!
KAN TAI
There’s a van. That has to be the bad guys.
Our heroes pull up in front of the van and
climb out, all except PANDA.
PANDA
I’ll just wait here.
KAN TAI reaches in and plucks out PANDA and
sets him on the ground.
PANDA
Or, I’ll just come with you.
Our quartet begin to walk towards the mill
when suddenly the sound of a saw is heard.
SUPER TIGER
They’re going to cut up the tree!
KAN TAI
Let’s hurry.
They begin to run towards the sound when all
of a sudden, from underneath they are scooped up into a giant net and hung into
the air. As they try and wiggle free, suddenly into view of them comes EMILY
FALLS and her henchmen. EMILY is laughing loudly.
KAN TAI
You?
SUPER TIGER
Oh no!
KAN TAI
That’s “Evil” EMILY FALLS!
EMILY FALLS
I prefer “Adorable” Emily Falls, thank you very much. Nice to
see you hanging around.
The quartet in the net groan at the pun.
EMILY FALLS
That was a great pun, but don’t you worry. You won’t be
around much longer to appreciate my others. You see, this history tree is going
to be cut up into enough pieces to build me the world’s largest dollhouse.
ARLEY KIRK
You can’t cut that tree! It’s a landmark!
EMILY FALLS
It’s going to landmark right into my backyard when I make my
dollhouse.
KAN TAI
That wasn’t even a good pun.
EMILY FALLS
(angrily) You shut up! Don’t mock my puns. Henchmen, you know
what to do with these busybodies.
As the henchmen move in on our heroes, the
scene fades and when it fades back in our heroes are all tied to this giant
tree as it lays on the conveyor belt. SUPER TIGER is nearest to the blade,
followed by ARLEY KIRK, then KAN TAI and then PANDA at the top of the tree.
EMILY FALLS
When we cut this tree up, we will be rid of this nosey ninnies.
HENCHMEN 1
That was a good one, boss.
EMILY FALLS
That wasn’t even a pun!
HENCHMEN 1
Sorry, boss.
EMILY FALLS
Just go flip that switch so we can get this done and get back
home and start building my dollhouse.
KAN TAI
You’ll never get away with this, Emily Falls.
PANDA
I knew I should have stayed in the car.
EMILY FALLS walks over to where KAN TAI is
tied to the tree and leans over.
EMILY FALLS
You think I won’t get away with this, KAN TAI? Well, you just watch this and your final words will be that I did get away with this.
KAN TAI
I’ll never say that.
EMILY FALLS
Yes, you will.
KAN TAI
No, I won’t.
EMILY FALLS walks over and flips on the
switch and the saw begins to spin and the belt starts to inch our heroes
towards the saw.
EMILY FALLS
Let’s go out and wait for this tree to finish cutting so we
can get out of here.
The bad guys leave and as the belt inches
closer and closer, dramatic music plays in the background as the scene fades
out. When it returns, our heroes are still in dire peril.
PANDA
Well, I guess this is it. Cut in half in the middle of my
youth.
SUPER TIGER
ARLEY, quick give me your hairpin!
ARLEY KIRK squirms a bit and flicks her
hairpin towards SUPER TIGER who catches it and then flicks it away. The
hairpin bounces off the wall, then a hanging light and then flies towards the
saw blade, which it pings off and then goes up towards the ceiling which it
bounces off and then nails the saw switch turning the entire thing off.
KAN TAI
That was amazing.
SUPER TIGER
It’s all in the wrist.
PANDA still has his eyes closed tightly.
PANDA
I didn’t even get to tell my mother goodbye!
KAN TAI
PANDA, it’s stopped!
PANDA
What? (opens his eyes) I knew that.
KAN TAI
What mother?
SUPER TIGER slips free of her ropes and then
goes around untying everyone.
SUPER TIGER
Let’s focus! We have to stop Emily Falls.
Outside of the mill, the henchmen are playing
cards and EMILY FALLS is scrolling on her phone when she hears the saw stop
running.
EMILY FALLS
Go find out what happened to the saw!
The henchmen throw down their cards and go
running into the mill. Several loud noises are heard inside which seems to
cause EMILY FALLS some concern and then from inside the mill, the three
henchmen are rolled out the door. Our four heroes rush out the door.
ARLEY KIRK
(yelling) Get her!
EMILY FALLS turns and starts to run, but
barely takes two steps when she runs right into the telephone pole comedically
then slides down to the ground. Scene fades and when it returns, EMILY
FALLS and her henchmen are being loaded into police cars.
KAN TAI
Good job everyone!
SUPER TIGER
We should probably get the tree back to the park where it
belongs.
PANDA comes walking out of the mill.
PANDA
It’s gone! The tree is gone!
ARLEY KIRK
What do you mean the tree is gone?
They all go rushing in and sure enough, the
tree that was there is now gone.
KAN TAI
Something funny is going on here. Who could have taken that
tree without us seeing them?
PANDA
I don’t know but we certainly have some sort of mystery on
our hands. First Santa’s sleigh and now the historical tree.
SUPER TIGER
Well, now we have no tree for the ceremony.
KAN TAI
I’m sorry, Kawaii Trash Pandas.
ARLEY KIRK
Well, at least EMILY FALLS and her henchmen are going where
they belong.
PANDA
Indeed.
KAN TAI turns to PANDA.
KAN TAI
What’s this about a mother?
Scene ends and fades to live action as Kan
Tai and her stuffed Panda enters the scene.
KAN TAI
Today we learned that even if you want something, if it
doesn’t belong to you — you don’t have the right to
just take it. Emily Falls learned that lesson the hard way. Instead of
being envious, you should be happy for people when they earn an achievement!
Isn’t that right, Panda?
KAN TAI shakes the Panda a little towards the
camera.
KAN TAI
We will see you next week!
Scene fades back to an animated sequence as
the door to the large warehouse is opened and the lights all come on row at a
time. A big truck pulls in with the missing tree and it is ceremoniously
dropped into a big hole in the floor. Scene changes to someone watching
on a monitor.
THE BOSS
This is easier than I thought. These low level criminals go in, get caught and I swoop out their treasures right underneath their little bitty eyes. (evil laughing) Now, what’s next on my agenda. What treasure can I find next? (more evil laughing as the non-descript individual leans back in the chair and continues to laugh as the scene fades to credits).
CREDITS
KAN TAI as
Herself
PANDA voiced by
Cash Mack
ARLEY KIRK as
herself
SUPER TIGER as
herself
EMILY FALLS as
herself
HENCHMAN 1 voiced
by Stanley Josh
HENCHMAN 2
voiced by Jeff Moore
HENCHMAN 3 voiced by Nip Sails
MAYOR voiced by
Tom Peterson
END EPISODE