Scene opens up with Kan Tai and Panda WALKING ALONG A TRAIL. KAN TAI CARRIES A BACK PACK, WHILE PANDA USES A WALKING STICK. The SUN IS OUT AND THE BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AS THE TWO MAKE THEIR WAY TO THEIR DESTINATION.
PANDA
What in the world made you decide that we needed to walk up this mountain today? I mean, certainly no one hikes for fun.
KAN TAI
Everyone hikes for fun. Well, perhaps not everyone.
KAN TAI LOOKS AT PANDA
PANDA
Oh, you’re talking about me. Well, you’re right. If I wanted to walk for miles on end, I would have bought a treadmill.
KAN TAI
We both know that’s not true.
PANDA
You’re probably right. Can we turn back yet?
KAN TAI
We’ve only been walking for five minutes, Panda. We’re going to see what’s at the top of Cola Mountain!
PANDA
I wish it were a mountain of colas instead. Grape cola.
KAN TAI
I have no idea how you can drink that stuff.
PANDA
I take a straw..
KAN TAI
I didn’t mean it that way.
Suddenly, rustling in the tree startles Panda who climbs the nearest tree followed by some dramatic music and more rustling of the brush.
KAN TAI
PANDA ADVENTURES OPENING
(Theme Song: “GO!” by M83 & Mia Lan)
EPISODE 5: CLIMBING COLA MOUNTAIN
The brush rustles some more and then bursting out comes…
KAN TAI
No way! It’s professional wrestling suplex queen, Lena Skye!
Graphic for Lena Skye appears on the screen momentarily before exploding us back to the previous scene.
LENA SKYE
That would be me.
KAN TAI
What are you doing on this mountain?
LENA SKYE
It was such a nice day out, I thought instead of my usual workout routine, I’d take a hike.
KAN TAI
Got kicked out of the gym?
LENA SKYE
Pretty much. Where’s…?
PANDA
(yelling) Is it safe? Did you get eaten, Kan Tai?
KAN TAI
I did not get eaten, Panda. Get down from there.
Panda yells as he accidently falls to the ground. He gets back up and rubs his rump.
PANDA
Dirt should be softer. (Noticed Lena) Oh hey it’s…
KAN TAI
We already did the splash screen. You were busy hiding.
LENA SKYE
It was a pretty sweet splash screen at that.
PANDA
You could have waited for me.
KAN TAI
You could not have run away squealing.
PANDA
I do not squeal!
LENA SKYE
I heard squealing.
PANDA
(angrily) Well, no one asked you.
KAN TAI
Don’t be mean. (to Lena) How about if we walk up together?
LENA SKYE
Beats walking up alone. Let’s have at it.
PANDA
So, we really are going to the very top?
KAN TAI
We sure are!
PANDA
I’m just going to roll back down when I get up there.
KAN TAI
There’s lots of rocks and sticks to run into on the way down.
PANDA
Maybe I’ll walk then. I don’t suppose anyone saw that sign right there.
Everyone looks to where Panda is pointing and there’s a sign that clearly states, “Keep Out!” underneath it there’s a smaller sign that reads, “This means you!”
LENA SKYE
That’s odd. I’m sure this is public land.
PANDA
Are you sure though? Someone doesn’t want us hiking through.
Kan Tai pulls out a pamphlet and looks through it.
KAN TAI
It says that this is public land. So, we have the right to be here. I’m not sure who put these signs up, but they can’t keep us from going up the mountain.
LENA SKYE
Well, let’s keep hiking then!
PANDA
I’m just gonna head back down the mountain…
PANDA starts walking down, but Kan Tai lifts him and turns him back upwards and he starts up the mountain instead.
LENA SKYE
He always like this?
KAN TAI
Mostly worse.
PANDA
I heard that.
As the scene pans up, watching our trio from the sky, the image changes to black and white and we see someone is watching them on a monitor.
MALE VOICE
How dare they ignore my signs! I didn’t put them up there for amusement! Bah!
The scene finally shows us the speaker and then a sudden splash screen appears for Tyke Index.
TYKE INDEX
Don’t they know I’m the “King of Cola Mountain?” I had a ceremony and everything.
Flashback scene to Tyke Index’s ceremony where a crown is being placed upon his head. As the scene zooms away, we see it’s Type putting the crown on his own head.
TYKE INDEX
Such an amazing day.
Red lights start flashing and a loud alarm is heard as Tyke turns his attention back to the monitor.
TYKE INDEX
I know why they’re coming and I won’t let them take it. ROBOTS!
Suddenly a door whooshes open and three robots zoom towards Tyke. He points.
TYKE INDEX
Go take care of those trespassers!
The robots zoom away. And the scene changes to our hiking trio as they climb up the mountain.
PANDA
That’s the third ‘get lost’ sign I’ve seen on here. Are you sure we aren’t going to get into trouble?
KAN TAI
For the fourth time, we’re fine. This is public land and we have every right to walk this trail.
LENA SKYE
I’m sure people walk this trail every day. You hear that?
The sound of something getting closer and closer.
PANDA
Watch out!
All three duck into the bushes as three robots zoom by and disappear.
KAN TAI
Well, that was weird. Why would there be robots climbing this mountain?
PANDA
Nope. They’re coming back this way!
Suddenly little lasers are firing at our trio to begin to run up the hill and the three robots are right behind them.
PANDA
I told you this was a bad idea.
KAN TAI
Just run! Crazy robots are shooting at us!
LENA SKYE
Everyone jump and try and get into a tree. Maybe we can confuse them if we just disappear.
Panda has no trouble climbing a tree. Kan Tai and Lena also scurry up and wait until the robots come through and they stop and begin to look around. As they look away from the trio, Panda slides down the tree and then he hurries back up before they turn back. They turn away and again, Panda slides down and he has to hurry back up the tree before being seen. The robots appear through a series of beeping noises to split up and each go separate ways. Once they disappear, our trio emerge from the trees.
LENA SKYE
I thought pandas were supposed to be great at climbing trees.
PANDA
You know I’m not a real panda, right? I’m just a stuffed panda. Real talking pandas don’t exist.
LENA SKYE
Real pandas don’t talk but stuffed talking pandas…
KAN TAI
Let’s get out of here before they come back.
Meanwhile, high atop Cola Mountain, Tyke Index is watching everything on the monitor as he slams his fist down on the console.
TYKE INDEX
Blast it! You can’t trust robots to get the jobs done, then let’s send out the drones!
Next to the giant red button on the console is another giant red button that is labeled “DRONES” and Tyke Index slams his fist down on that button and a door opens up and three drones fly out of a door and head outside. On the console, the monitor turns into a video game screen as a joystick rises from a secret door.
TYKE INDEX
Let me see you try and steal my property, will you?
As Tyke Index takes control over the drones who are heading towards our heroes, who just happen to be checking over a map.
PANDA
How much further?
KAN TAI
Well, according to the map, it says we are about half an hour from the top of the mountain.
PANDA
How long is that in Panda time?
LENA SKYE
30 minutes.
PANDA
Oh good.
They begin to climb upwards towards the top when the buzzing sound of the drones are heard.
PANDA
Now what? Killer bees?
LENA SKYE
Don’t worry. If it is killer bees, I have my bug repellant in my back pack.
KAN TAI
That doesn’t sound like bees. Look!
Just then the drones begin to swoop down on them as they begin to run up the mountain, ducking down when the drones begin to fire shots at the group as they continue up the hill. We check in with Tyke Index who is pushing and pulling on the joystick as he continues to chase the three.
TYKE INDEX
That’s it. Just a little bit closer.
As our trio run away from the drones on the screen, as soon as they hit a certain spot, Tyke Index slams his fist down on another button that catches them in a net.
PANDA
Oof. Well, now what?
TYKE INDEX
(Walking out of the cabin.) I’ll tell you what. First, you fail in your mission to steal my prized property.
KAN TAI
What are you talking about? We weren’t trying to steal anything…
TYKE INDEX
QUIET! Do you know who you’re talking to?
LENA SKYE
I know who you are! You’re…
TYKE INDEX
I said QUIET! I am “The King of Cola Mountain”. I prefer to be addressed as “Your Highness” or “King”.
LENA SKYE
Yeah, I ain’t calling you that.
TYKE INDEX
Are you sure about that?
LENA SKYE
Yeah?
KAN TAI
What property are you talking about anyway?
TYKE INDEX
You know full well what property you have come to steal from my kingdom.
PANDA
You mean your mountain?
TYKE INDEX
I said QUIET!
PANDA
Listen Tyke…
TYKE INDEX
King…
PANDA
Tyke…
TYKE INDEX
King…
PANDA
Tyke…
TYKE INDEX
Enough! You have just doomed you and your friends.
PANDA
Did you say groomed?
KAN TAI
I don’t need to be groomed.
LENA SKYE
I could probably stand to comb my hair.
TYKE INDEX
I said be quiet!
TYKE INDEX pulls out a remote control with two buttons on it and he presses one of the buttons and a door underground opens up and a very large black kettle rises from the earth. It looks to be very hot from the steam that comes out of it.
PANDA
Making a stew, are you?
TYKE INDEX
You could say that.
With those ominous words, Tyke Index presses the second button and a drone comes to life as it secures the net which our heroes are trapped inside and slowly begins to head towards the scalding pot.
KAN TAI
What is that?
TYKE INDEX
It’s a vat of lava!
LENA SKYE
Who owns a vat of lava?
TYKE INDEX
I do, of course. Just for emergencies like this. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to my relaxing day. My drones will fly you over, drop you in the vat and that will be the end of you.
Tyke then turns and walks into the cabin while the drone slowly begins to fly towards the giant black pot and as the trio get closer, they can finally see the red, glowing liquid inside.
PANDA
What are we going to do? I’m allergic to being dropped into lava!
KAN TAI
I’m pretty sure everyone is allergic to being dropped into lava, Panda.
PANDA
Well what are we going to do?
LENA SKYE
What does everyone have on them?
KAN TAI
I have a map and a bottle of water. Panda? What did you bring?
PANDA
Nothing.
KAN TAI
Nothing? We’re going to be dropped into lava. Are you sure you have nothing.
PANDA
Fine. I have taffy.
KAN TAI
You brought taffy on a hiking trip?
PANDA
You know I get hungry.
LENA SKYE
Give me the taffy!
PANDA
I’m going to eat this!
LENA SKYE
I don’t want to eat it, Panda. I want to try and drop the drone!
PANDA
Well, in that case.
PANDA hands over the taffy and Lena reaches her arm through a hole in the net and tosses the taffy up. It catches into the rotors of the drone and the drone drops the net, then spirals over and crashes into the hot lava, causing an explosion. Our three heroes climb out of the net, just as Tyke Index bursts from inside.
TYKE INDEX
What’s all that noise?
LENA SKYE
That was us foiling your attempt to lava-tize us!
PANDA
Is that a word?
KAN TAI
It is now. Tyke Index, you can’t just go around dropping people into lava!
TYKE INDEX
In my kingdom, I can do whatever you want.
The three heroes stand there and then begin to crack their knuckles.
LENA SKYE
Is that so?
TYKE INDEX
(backing away) Wait a moment. Let’s talk this through.
As he turns to run, Lena picks up Panda and hurls him towards Tyke, hitting him in the back of the head and sending them both inside in the cabin. A crashing sound is heard. Kan Tai and Lena Skye enter the cabin to see Tyke Index knocked loopy as Panda lying on top of him. Over in the corner is a table that has been set up for something very nice, it seems. A single plate with utensils and a napkin. Scene fades and later the police are there ready to haul Tyke Index away who has been handcuffed.
KAN TAI
What was it you were hiding here, Tyke?
TYKE INDEX
I was about to prepare to feast on a very rare bird. One that I had to have imported in and would have been the meal of my life.
KAN TAI
Probably very illegal too.
LENA SKYE
All of this for a meal? You almost dropped us in lava!
TYKE INDEX
It would have been worth it. I would have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you two and that stupid panda too.
PANDA
Okay, I’ve had about enough of these ‘stupid panda’ cracks. I’m a panda of average intelligence, thank you very much!
KAN TAI
The only question now is what happened to the bird?
LENA SKYE
That’s a great question.
Scene fades out to a live background scene and Kan Tai and her stuffed Panda come into view.
KAN TAI
Hello everyone! Thanks for joining us for episode five of Kan Tai Panda Adventures! In today’s story, we saw a man who was so gluttonous that he captured a rare bird and wanted to eat it! There are birds that are okay to eat, but we buy them in a store. But we can’t eat things that are endangered. If I were you? I’d stick with chicken nuggets! We will see you next week!
Kan Tai waves and holds up Panda and gives him a shake too as the scene goes back to the animated sequence.
We see a man sitting at a desk and sets a fork down and then pushes his plate of bones away from him.
MALE VOICE
That was an amazing meal. Give my regards to the chef.
The man begins to laugh evilly as the scene fades out and ends this episode.
CREDITS
KAN TAI as Herself
PANDA voiced by Cash Mack
LENA SKYE as herself
TYKE INDEX as himself
END
EPISODE