OWA TV Champion Virgo defends against Ricky Hype; Mr. America battles Diamond Brett Robbins and Mariko takes on Crimson Scorpion for a spot in the Press Your Luck tournament
The OWA Championship Wrestling opening sequences comes on-screen and then fades out to a large crowd. The camera shifts down to the announce position.]
Ed: Welcome to OWA Championship Wrestling, I’m Ed Bagel along with Biff Franklin.
Biff: Your pleasure. I’m only here cause I get paid.
Ed: We’ve got a great line-up for you tonight. Including a Press Your Luck qualifying matchup and an OWA TV Championship matchup. Also on tap Mr. America, Diamond Brett Robbins, Rachel Ryan and Danny Maxx. Let’s go to ringside!
PYL Qualifier: Mariko vs. Crimson Scorpion
Announcer: This match is one fall and it is a qualifying match for the Press Your Luck Tournament. First. Coming down the aisle with giant Gustaffson. She weighs in at 167 pounds. This is Mariko! And her opponent. Coming down the aisle with Diamond Brett Robbins, weighing in at 295 pounds. The Crimson Scorpion.
Ed: Okay. The Press Your Luck tournament is shaping up to be something spectacular. Crimson Scorpion goes right after Mariko who catches him in a powerslam. Mariko with a whip and nails Scorpion with a thrust kick.
Biff: Mariko off the ropes. Scorpion with a drop down and catches Mariko with a flying tomahawk. Backbreaker by Scorpion and an Asai moonsault. One. t. Kickout by Mariko. Scorpion off the ropes, but Mariko hits with a backdrop. Mariko with a whip. Reversal by Scorpion and clothesline by Scorpion.
Ed: Scorpion nails her with a forearm smash. Scorpion with a whip. Mariko ducks a Western lariat and goes for a cross body block but Scorpion ducks down. Scorpion goes for a chokeslam but Mariko nails him with a dropkick.
Biff: Mariko with a suplex and follows it up with a savate kick. Mariko with a double axhandle chop. Mariko with a body slam, but Scorpion turns it into an inside cradle. one. two. Kickout by Mariko. Western lariat by Scorpion.
Ed: Scorpion off the ropes and goes for a flying tomahawk but Mariko drives a fist into the midsection and nails him with a piledriver. Cover by Mariko. one. two. th. Kickout by Scorpion! Mariko is calling for the Spinning Crescent kick.
Biff: Diamond Brett Robbins is on the ring apron. Mariko goes to take a swing at him. Scorpion rolls her up. one. two. three!!! He gets the pin and slides out of the ring! Great win by Crimson Scorpion!
Ed: What are you talking about? That was a cheap win!
Announcer: Winner of the match in 17: 32, advancing to the tournament. Crimson Scorpion!
Press Your Luck Report
Myers: Welcome to your Press Your Luck report. They’re dubbing it, “Seven Deadly Sins” Press Your Luck will be held in Fresno California at the Selland Arena on June 22nd.
The main event will be for the OWA Championship. Current champion Traci Lane will defend her title against the number one contender, “The Disco Kid” Freddy Fever.
Another match signed for Press Your Luck is being called “The Seven Deadly Sins” match. It’ll pit former-Femme Monica Brant against “The Wild Child” Wendy Ryker in a seven stipulations, best of seven falls match. Here’s how it’ll work. Monica Brant and Wendy Ryker will alternately pick six stipulation for the match and the OWA Commissioner will pick the seventh. That’s one stipulation for each fall. The first fall could be Coal Miner’s Glove match, a Hair vs. Hair match, a steel cage match. It makes no difference. The first person to win four falls will be declared the winner.
Now, the thrust of Press Your Luck is the Press Your Luck tournament. Here is how this tournament works:
16 names are put into a barrel. The barrel is rolled, and then two names are taken from the barrel and put into a second barrel. Those names will not be revealed. The names in the second barrel are for those advancing to the second round. Then, two more names are drawn and announced. Those two will wrestle. The loser is out of the tournament. The winner will then flip a coin. If the coin lands on heads, then the wrestler is advanced to round two, and two more names are drawn. If the coin is tails, then an another name is drawn as an opponent for the winning party and they’ll have to wrestle a second first round match. There is no limit on how many times you can wrestle in a single round. If a person is unlucky enough, they could wrestle 15 matches in the first round. Of course, if they were to do that, they’d win the tournament. Once all wrestlers names have been drawn, then we advance to round two.
Again, two names will be drawn and set aside, advancing to the next round. And we continue as we did in round one. When all names are drawn, we continue the process, without setting aside names in each round after the second. When there is only one person left in the tournament, then they will be declared the winner.
The winner of the tournament automatically goes to the main event in our August PPV to face the OWA Champion.
Asian Invasion, Taleis, Big Russ Gator, Crimson Scorpion and Diamond Brett Robbins have already advanced. Next Sunday, Billy Smith will battle Davey Scott in another qualifying match. Winners advance, losers do not.
That’s all for the Press Your Luck report this week. I’ll be back next week with more info on the card.
Mr. America vs. Diamond Brett Robbins
Announcer: This match is one fall. First. Coming down the aisle, weighing in at 275 pounds. He calls himself America’s perfection. This is Mr. America! And his opponent.
Suddenly, Diamond Brett Robbins comes down the aisle wearing jeans and a leather jacket.]
Ed: Well. Here comes Diamond Brett Robbins. He seems to have misplaced his wrestling gear.
Robbins grabs the microphone from ringside and paces the ringside area for a few moments, soaking in the boos from the crowd.]
Diamond Brett Robbins: You can boo all night for all I care.
Robbins unzips his jacket and takes it off revealing a T-shirt underneath that says “OWA SUCKS!!”]
Diamond Brett Robbins: How do ya like that you stupid marks?
DBR smiles as the massive crowd boos him even more.]
Diamond Brett Robbins: Mr. America, it pains me to have to tell ya this- but there ain’t gonna be no damn match tonight. You see, every time the OWA gets in a bit of trouble- they come to me. After I gave this damn company the biggest buy rate for a pay per view, they sat me at home for two weeks. Now that it’s May, and everyone knows it’s ratings month, they call me up and tell me to show up for TV. They want me to save the company once again. I don’t think so. This promotion has done nothing but treat me like crap since DAY ONE, and now they want me to turn around and save it again? I don’t think so. And as much as I’d like to wipe the mat with this Jim Duggan wanna-be, that would only make the front office happy. Happy because they know it’d draw the ratings. But since they’ve screwed me all this time, I’m gonna screw them. And that’s just the start! Because if it’s the last thing I do, no matter how long it takes for me to do it, I’m gonna put this damn stinkin’ promotion OUT OF BUISNESS!
Mr. America takes the mic from the ring announcer.]
Mr. America: Brett, don’t give that bull[BEEP].
Some of the crowd pops.]
Mr. America: So now that little Diamond Brett Robbins can’t get his way. He’s going to stir up a little trouble. Brett, you never did draw crowds. I’ve been here for a few months and when I started out here I turned this place on its head. Just like MP Inc. has done. The only difference, I came in with a bang and didn’t flop like the whole Pooh doll worshiping lot of ya did. Hell Brett, I know you’re not afraid of me. So why exactly aren’t you wrestling? Are you afraid that your talents can’t help you this time? I’m sure that’s some of it. Did you lose confidence in what Louie taught ya Brett? He was a great wrestler but you’ve come along and brought him shame as a trainer. How many people would want to see their protégé worship a Pooh doll? Brett, or I’m sorry. That’s your “middle” name. Diamond, you truly are pathetic. If you don’t want to wrestle then leave. I thought I’d get a challenge tonight. I looked forward to locking up with an old UEA wrestler like I am, but no! All I get is some little kid with a pacifier in his mouth and a his head shoved up his [BEEP]. So just do me a favor and go back to enjoying the honey. Tell Tigger I said hi.
Mr. America throws the microphone at Diamond Brett Robbins.]
Diamond Brett Robbins: First of all, windbag, I don’t worship Pooh. That’s Plague and he’s fallen off the face of the damn planet. Now as far as us floppin’ goes, it’s real easy. Unlike you- I wasn’t gonna go into the commissioner’s office and get down on my hands & knees for him.
More boos come from the crowd.]
Mr. America: Sorry Diamond, talented, superstars like me don’t have to do that. Lackluster, flash in the pan, no-talent, whining, arrogant, self-absorbed, brash, faces in the crowd like you and the rest of MP Inc. do have to give out those sexual favors to make it in the crowd. So how exactly did you win the LAW International title Brett? Peterbilt had a hell of a lot more talent than you did, but then that’s why you associated with him isn’t it? It’s pretty bad that you had to ride the coat tails of both Peterbilt and Natural Born Killer.
Diamond Brett Robbins: Ooohhhhh… gee that really hurt. You know, if I got a pacifier in my mouth, then boy you got one right up your big ol’ fat hell. Ya know, now I’m pumped up. So I tell ya what I’m gonna do.
Mr. America: What’s that? Go back to Mamma Plague and cry in her apron because the other boys and girls are better than you are?
Brett rolls his eyes and climbs up onto the ring apron.]
Diamond Brett Robbins: Even though I hate this damn promotion. [He takes off his watch.]
Mr. America: Brett, you hate anything that you suck at. So I guess that’s why I don’t see Alyssa at your side anymore.
Diamond Brett Robbins: At least I had a girl, unlike you so I hear had to take his cousin to the prom. And since you brought up an old wound, I’m gonna kick your ass all the way to hell.
Mr. America: In the words of nothing more than a mid-carder who’s a space filler. “Bring it on!”
Suddenly from out of the crowd comes Big Russ, also wearing an “OWA SUCKS!” T-shirt. Russ blasts Mr. America from behind with a chair. Mr. America falls to the ground with a sickening thud. Big Russ nails the fallen patriot time and again with the chair until Mr. America is covered with his own blood. As the crowd fills the cavernous arena with boos, Big Russ leaves the ring to get a table. As he does so, Diamond Brett Robbins sets Mr. America up onto the top rope. Big Russ gets the table set up, and DBR nails Mr. America with a Brainbuster from the Top Rope through the table. Big Russ takes part of the broken table and jabs it time & again into Mr. America’s head as DBR takes back the microphone.]
Diamond Brett Robbins: That’s just the start! Sooner or later, all the rest of the so-called OWA stars will get their [CENSORED] carted out of the ring until there’s no one left in this damn stinkin’ company. Do it Scorp!
Suddenly, up in the rafters, we see Crimson Scorpion, also wearing an “OWA SUCKS!” shirt, he pulls a rope and papers drop down into the arena. Diamond Brett holds one up and it reads “IMPEACH Marvin Yahmal!!! BILL DUNDEE FOR COMMISSIONER!!!” After taking in all the boos, the trio make their exit as medical help comes to Mr. America’s aid.]
Billy Smith: You know something, those days that I was the North American Champion were the most glories days that this organization has ever seen. Since Consuelo won that title, the whole title situation has just gotten boring. I know she beat me three times before blah blah blah, but she is just not championship material. Oh yeah, Consuelo, I have become quite the actor as of late. You and all the rest of the [CENSORED] in the OWA actually believed that you earned my respect, that is a bunch of hell. I don’t care if you whipped my ass twenty times straight, you will never earn my respect unless you beat me in a street fight. In fact, that’s exactly what I want to do, challenge your ass to a Boston street fight. If you think that you are ready to play my game, than we can do this anytime that President Yahmal wants to sign the match. While we’re on the subject of cowards, let’s talk about the recently dethroned TV champion Mr. America. You have been ducking my challenges ever since I first met your ass. The way I see it, Mr. America is all talk and no balls. So just stop the talk and let’s just get it on. Cause if Virgo can beat the [CENSORED] out of your ass, then I just might kill you
Ed: Mr. America is being attended to. The OWA Commissioner has joined us. Mr. Yahmal.
Yahmal: Don’t think I’m going to sit by idly and let these MP guys come out here and cause this much trouble. They came whining into my office when LAW and the UEA closed down begging for a place to wrestle, so even though we weren’t really looking to adding new wrestlers we let them in as a favor to LAW who we had a favorable PPV with in the past. Now they are claiming that we have been impartial with them. Let me address that. No matter what you’ve done in any other federation, you start at the bottom when coming into the OWA as do all wrestlers. Now, if you have a problem working your way to the top, then I suggest that you seek employment elsewhere. Unfortunately, I cannot do much about their T-shirts or their pamphlets, because I’d be slapped with a lawsuit before noon tomorrow. But, I will let them know to watch their toes cause now they have my full attention.
Biff: I don’t know if I agree with MP Inc. about the OWA sucking, but I do know they sure do know how to draw attention to themselves. You have to admire that.
Ed: Shut up. Let’s go to ringside for our main event.
Trumpets begin to blare]
Ed: Wolfgang Von Richter is coming down to ringside. Walking along side of the Baron is his faithful Great Dane, Augustus. That dog might come in handy here in the OWA, eh Biff? Look at that, Richter just put some youngster on the back of Augustus. That kid will remember this night forever. He’ll be sitting in the front row with royalty tonight.
Biff: What the hell is this all about? I thought OWA had a ban at wrestlers being at ringside?
The lights dim a little and the spotlights center on the entrance way as “The Extremist” by Joe Satriani thunders through the loud speakers]
Ed: Here come The OWA Tag Team Champions! The Extremists!
The Extremists strut down the rampway wearing the tag team belts tight around their waists. Both are wearing “The Elite Rules” T-shirts and are holding Ricky Hype action figures, Maxx with the Team Charisma go-cart version. Also, walking down behind the Extremists is Sir Goodwin, The Czar of Wrestling. Maxx hands a small child the Hype action figure and go-cart. The child hugs the Hype figure with uncontrolled excitement. Blades and Maxx make their way over to ringside, walk past the commentator’s table waving at Ed, then with smiles, flip off Biff Franklin. Wolfgang stands and shakes the Tag champs hands as they try to pet Augustus, then throw up their hands after a low growl. Sir Goodwin pats Wolfgang on the shoulder and then gets a gooey kiss from Augustus]
Biff mutters under his breath]
Ed: What’s that Biff?
Biff: If it were up to me, the “SHOW” would have been cancelled long ago!
Ed: You failed to get that done at Crime Spree.
The crowd has mixed emotions as Anthony Hazard appears on the video screen. Hazard is sitting in front of a fireplace wearing jeans and a Ricky Hype “The Show” T-shirt.]
Hazard: Listen up and listen good all you Hazard wannabes. It’s about damn time “the SHOW” got his due, I can’t think of anyone else besides me who deserves this title match more than Ricky. I knew as soon as Hype joined the OWA he was going to make some noise, well Ricky, you’ve done quite a bit of that. I think you’ve finally earned your place with the best. Sir Goodwin and I have discussed this and we both think it’s time for you to join your brothers in the Elite.
The crowd erupts with a thunderous roar]
Hazard: It’s up to you Ricky, you make the call bro. Oh hey, while I’ve got everyone’s attention. Hype!!! *smile* I’ll have to be challenging you for that title your about to win bro, and since the TV belt is defended every week, I’ll have to be getting that shot as soon as I come back.
From behind the entrance curtain can be heard a low rumbling, like that of a NASCAR engine just starting up]
OWA TV Championship: Virgo vs. Ricky Hype
Ring announcer: From Hudson Bay, Canada, standing 6. 2” and weighing 257 pounds, the Master of Style, the Sultan of Shuffle, the Prince of Pomp, the Grand Duke of Glamour, Captain Glitz, stand up and make some noise people! This is Ricky “The Show” Hype!
With “Mr. Speed” by KISS piercing the air, through the curtain rumbles a giant green, black, and white Zamboni decked out with neon Christmas lights, bright as the sun. Standing on top is Ricky Hype “the SHOW” wearing his usual white tux and tails studded with white, green, and black gems twinkling in the spot lights. He is wearing an “ELITE RULES!” T-shirt. Hype jumps down and jumps into the stands as the fans surround him. Hype suddenly pops up onto the arms of the crowd and they propel him over the seats to ringside. Jumping down next to the ring, Ricky Hype performs his familiar Hype-shuffle as his high fives the Extremists, Sir Goodwin, and Wolfgang before planting a kiss on Augustus the Great Dane. Hype then climbs into the ring and strikes a pose]
Ring announcer: Coming down the aisle, from Kingston, Ontario, weighing 275 pounds. The OWA TV Champion. VIRGO!
A few moments go by as Virgo’s theme music plays, but Virgo does not appear.]
Voice: Now is that any way to start a show? I think not!
The stage lights focus into the crowd, where Virgo is standing, surrounded by fans, wearing the TV belt. He has a microphone in his hand, and raises it to his mouth.]
Virgo: Let’s do this right….hit it!
Thunderstruck by AC/DC begins blasting out of the speaker system, as Virgo works his way through the crowd to the ring. When he gets to the ring, he smiles, thrusts a fist into the air, and a pyrotechnic display initiates, lasting a few moments.]
Ed: I don’t think we’ve /ever/ took that long to start a match ever.
Biff: That moron Ricky Hype thinking that by doing all this show that he’s gonna take the TV title from Virgo. He’s got another think coming.
Ed: Ricky Hype has all the chance in the world to win that title. Check that out.
Up at the aisleway. OWA Champion Traci Lane and Rachel Ryan are standing whispering to each other…]
Biff: You can’t think that “Ricky All-Hype” is putting a scare into the OWA Champion?! Obviously she is scouting Virgo.
Ed: The bell has rung for this TV title match. Both men circle and lock up. Virgo whips Hype into the corner. He charges in, but Hype lifts a knee and nails Virgo shooting out with a clothesline. Quick cover by Hype and not even a one count as Virgo kicks out.
Biff: Hype ain’t that lucky. He ain’t even talented. If he wins, it’s gonna back to be from luck. Virgo gets to his feet and Hype nails him with a superkick and goes for another cover. one. Kickout again by Virgo. Hype off the ropes, and Virgo drives a knee to the midsection.
Ed: Virgo with a low blow and that doubles over Ricky Hype and Virgo with a powerbomb! Cover. one. Kickout by Hype. Virgo goes for an atomic drop, but Ricky Hype shifts and brings Virgo down with a bulldog.
Biff: He didn’t get all the bulldog but caught it enough to stun Virgo. Lucky shot. Ricky Hype is calling for the Modified Bulldog. He sets up but Virgo pushes him off into the corner. Too early for Hype to be trying to finish off the TV Champion.
Ed: Virgo hits with a clothesline. Virgo with an enzuigiri but Hype ducks and hits Virgo with a clothesline. Hype with a waistlock suplex. Hype bounces off the ropes and nails a kneedrop. Hype with a cover and he’s got his feet on the ropes for leverage. one. two. three! NO! The ref is waving it off. He caught Hype with his feet on the ropes.
Biff: That Hype is cheating! Hype is arguing with the ref. He turns back to Virgo, who rolls him up and put /his/ feet on the ropes! One. two. three!! Virgo rolls out and gets the pin! Hahahahaha! I can’t believe that Ricky Hype is soooo stupid. Wait. I take it back. I can believe it!
Announcer: Winner of the match in 16: 06, and STILL OWA TV Champion. Virgo!!!
Biff is still laughing his ass off]
Ed: There‘ll be no house shows this week but OWA Championship Wrestling will return next week. Anthony Hazard will be back from his suspension and taking on Asian Invasion. Plus Virgo defends his title against Miguel Thunder. All this and more next week on OWA Championship Wrestling! For the whole OWA broadcast crew, we’ll see you next week.
Diamond Brett Robbins
Fade in. We’re at the airport. We See Diamond Brett still wearing his “OWA SUCKS!” T-shirt.]
Diamond Brett Robbins: Man do you guys follow me everywhere?
The camera nods.]
Diamond Brett Robbins: Sheeh.
Our Hero goes through the metal detector.]
Diamond Brett Robbins: Mr. America. [smiles] Hope you’re recovering we’ll from the beating we gave ya tonight. Unfortunately I won’t be able to listen you blabber on endlessly about it. Why, you ask?
Diamond Brett stops at a gate and we see a familiar female.]
Diamond Brett Robbins: Because I’m going to Hawaii to take care of something more important than wrestling. Have fun runnin’ your mouth, it’s what you do best.
The female approaches.]
The Female: They’re not coming with us, are they?
Diamond Brett: No Alyssa, this time is just for you and me.
Diamond Brett: See ya around OWA……and if you thought this week’s TV was exciting….just wait to see what we have in store for next week.