Traci Lane defends the OWA Championship against Stacks Coltrain; Davey Scott challenges Diamond Brett Robbins to an Ironman Match; Danny Bouchard and Danny Maxx battle for a spot in the PYL tournament and Virgo defends the OWA TV Championship against Taleis
(You may have noticed that over the last few weeks, Danny Bouchard, the Pride Of Trois-Rivieres, has been missing from the action of the OWA. Where could he be? Passed out in a drinking stupor? Well, no, not yet anyhow. Let’s go back. )
Footage is shown of Danny Bouchard watching TV.]
Like any good rich Quebecois wrestler in his late twenties, Danny Bouchard spends a lot of time watching TV. Last month, an election was called for Canada. 301 seats were up for grabs. And Danny Bouchard lived in one of them.
Bouchard: Liberal this, Bloc that. [CENSORED] ‘em all! I could do that!
A brazen statement, but would he be able to do it? By “it”, do I mean would he even bother to get out of his recliner to get another beer? Yes, and yes he did get that beer–
–but what about the political thing?
Danny Bouchard sits at his kitchen table with several friends.]
Friend 1: Hey Danny, what party you gonna run for? The Bloc?
Bouchard: Sounds good, you know? But they already got a [CENSORED] candidate, some jack[CENSORED] lawyer. Eh, I guess it’s settled then, eh?
Friend #2: What?
Bouchard: I’m gonna run as a [CESNORED} independent. I don’t wanna run around under the orders of those [CENSORED] parties anyway. I’ll do this myself!
And so, Dany Bouchard went about running for MP in the Trois-Rivieres. There was much hard work to be done.
Danny puts up a sign. Kids come by and tear down sign. Danny chases after kids with sledgehammer.]
Much thought to be put into the campaign.
Danny supervises the raising of a billboard reading “VOTE DANNY Bouchard BECAUSE I [CENSORED] SAY SO”.]
And, of course political maneuvering.
Footage of Danny Bouchard getting into an argument with and beating the snot out of the Natural Law Party candidate.]
Bouchard: Yeah, I just helped you with your [CENSORED] yoga, pal. Try and [CENSORED] levitate now with your head up your hell, eh? Haha ha!
Danny reads the paper–the headline reads INDEPENDENT BEATS UP NATURALLAW CANDIDATE, MOVES UP TEN POINTS IN POLLS.]
Finally, the time came for the all-candidates debate. The Liberals promised jobs. The Bloc promised sovereignty. The Conservatives promised to suck up to any party with more seats than them. And Danny…
Reporter: Mr. Bouchard, What would you do to stimulate the economy and create Canadian jobs, alleviating the horrendous unemplayment rate?
Bouchard: Jobs? What the [CENSORED] do I care about jobs? I already GOT a [CENSORED] job! [CENSORED] off, next question, eh? Geez.
And on that stirring wave, Danny was carried into voting day.
A Trois-Rivieres bar. Danny and his friends are drinking beer and watching election results on the big-screen TV.]
Bartender: You know, I’m supposed to show sports on that thing–
Bouchard: Ah, shut your [CENSORED] trap and get me another beer.
The TV flashes: RESULTS FOR TROIS-RIVIERES.]
Bouchard: Here we go! Let’s see how much I beat those [CENSORED] pansies by.
Reporter: And the Bloc takes Trois-Rivieres, with candidate Lucien Zutalors winning by an immense margin.
Reporter: Interestingly, well-known OWA superstar wrestler Danny Bouchard was embarrassed, with. Seven votes.
Bouchard: hell?!?! But there were eight of us running the [CENSORED] campaign!!! Hell!
As Danny curses out the TV, one of his friends attempts to escape the bar.]
Bouchard: (whirling around): You! Laval! You [CENSORED] hell! You’re fired as my campaign manager!
Bouchard: You think you’re gonna get away from me you hellhell.
Later. Danny Bouchard enters his home, an OWA cameraman following.]
Bouchard: hellhellhell. Ah well, at least I still got wrestling. I’m the best [CENSORED] wrestler there, I gotta get a title shot or something sooner or later.
Danny takes off his jacket and throws it on a chair. He glances at the answering machine, walks over, and presses a button.]
Machine: Mr. Bouchard? This is Commissioner Yamhal. I’ve heard you’ve made a foray into politics. I wish you luck, however, you were scheduled for an Internet title shot. Since you’re busy, I’ll have to give it so someone else. Maybe next time–
Danny Bouchard pounds the machine.]
Bouchard: hell! hell! hell! hell! hell! hell! hell! hell! hell!
And so, Danny Bouchard returns to wrestling, without a title shot, but can you not deny that he will not get another soon enough? For he is the Pride of Trois-Rivieres, the greatest francophone wrestler of all time, and the greatest wrestler in the OWA today!!!
Bouchard: hell! hell! hell! hell! hell! hell! hell! hell! hell! hell!
The scene melts down to a capacity crowd. ]
Ed: Welcome to OWA Championship Wrestling. I’m Ed Bagel and standing beside me helping with commentary is my co-host, “The Voice” Biff Franklin.
Biff: Let’s get on with this already.
Ed: A little impatient, are we?
Biff: Hey. I just got a lot of stuff to do. Okay?
Ed: We have an OWA title defense from Traci Lane as she takes on former champion Stacks Coltrain and an OWA TV Title defense as Virgo takes on Taleis and Taleis has put his Press Your Luck spot on the line. We have a 30 minute ironman challenge pitting Diamond Brett Robbins against Davey Scott. And a Press Your Luck qualifying match, as Danny Bouchard and Danny Maxx fight for a spot in the tournament.
Biff: Can we get on with it?
Ed: Let’s go to ringside.
PYL Qualifier: Danny Bouchard vs. Danny Maxx
Announcer: This match is one fall and it is a Press Your Luck qualifying match. First. Coming down the aisle, weighing in at 255 pounds. This is Danny Bouchard!! And his opponent. Being led down the aisle by Sir Goodwin, weighing in at 243 pounds. Here is one half of the OWA Tag Team Champions. This is Danny Maxx!
Ed: Here is another of our PYL qualifying matchups. Winner of this match moves on to the tournament at Press Your Luck to battle for a chance at the OWA Championship. There’s the bell and the lockup. Whip by Bouchard. Maxx off the ropes with a flying cross body press. No count as Bouchard quickly pushes Maxx off of him.
Biff: Maxx off the ropes and knocks down Bouchard with a shoulderblock. Another pin attempt by Danny Maxx but again no count as Bouchard again pushes him off. Whip by Maxx. Backdrop attempt. No Bouchard with a swinging neckbreaker.
Ed: Devastating move by Danny Bouchard and Maxx is holding his neck. Bouchard with a lariat and another. Bouchard continuing to work on the neck of Maxx. Bouchard to the second turnbuckle and he leaps off with an elbowdrop but Maxx rolls away and Bouchard crashes to the mat!
Biff: Bouchard is up and takes a swing, but Maxx ducks and nails with an atomic drop. Maxx with a moonsault bodyblock. Maxx with a whip. He goes for a powerslam but Bouchard nails him with a lariat! Cover. one. two. Kickout by Maxx.
Ed: Bouchard off the ropes, but Maxx nails him with an elbow. Body slam by Maxx and a cover. one. two. Kickout by Bouchard. Maxx with a couple of kicks and then a flying clothesline. Sleeperhold by Maxx and Bouchard is going out.
Biff: No way. He’s too close to the ropes. Maxx has to break the hold. Bouchard with a low blow and dragon suplex. Bouchard sets him up and /nails/ him with a jumping DDT! Cover. one. two. three!!! It’s all over. Bouchard advances.
Announcer: Winner of the match in 16: 29, advancing to Press Your Luck. Danny Bouchard.
A black 1937 Jaguar SS100 roadster spins round the corner and pulls up at the curb of a posh hotel. The camera lavishes attention on the curved fenders and the rectangular chassis. It follows the sleek line from the Jaguar hood ornament to the doors as they swing open and a shapely, well-muscled caramel leg steps out. The camera follows the legs as they swing up and stand before lifting to trace the line of the leg to heavily-muscle, runner’s thighs and a cream skirt. The camera tends to linger on the exposed washboard abdomen, studying the razor-sharp definition and the gold filigree chain around the navel. It studies the flare of the woman’s back and the proud thrust of her chest in a cream fuzzy halter sweater. The arms have been worked and polished to perfection, just enough muscularity without being overdone. The shoulders, strong tawny orbs. After a seeming endless tilt the camera finally settles on the woman’s face. It is we’ll worth the shot. She is remarkable.]
Her features are an unusual contrast of Caucasian and African-American characteristics. Her skin is the color of cafe-au-lait, her face, shaped like a heart, ending in a strong, proud chin. Her full, bow-shaped mouth quirks into a puckering kiss. The camera focusses on her startling blue eyes and her mane of ironed-straight tawny hair. The woman exudes a sort of confidence, a playful tease that is downright unsettling and intriguing at the same time.]
Woman: (Cockney accent) Well, I’ve arrived and wot not. OWA, you’ve just been blessed but good. The British Bombshell, Godiva Rage has just signed the last ruddy bit of paper. She’s ready to compete. Ready to trounce anyone who bothers to get in my way. I don’t know how many of you been livin’ under a rock, but, mates, a Rage has entered your federation. And that means nothin’ but ‘ard times for the rest of ya.
The scene cuts to montages of Godiva trying on expensive dresses, modeling sparkling diamond necklaces and bracelets, trying on shoes, rolling on seamed stockings.]
Godiva: (voice over) You may not realize it, but I’m what Raymond Chandler used to call “an expensive blonde”. Not that I’m all about money, but you’ve got to pay a price if you want to step into the ring with me. Young, talented, gorgeous, risqué.
Cut back to Godiva]
Godiva: You know the OWA will never be the same again, don’t you? I mean this Bombshell is big.
Cut to scenes of Godiva in the ring, tagging with her sister, Dalbello Rage. It cuts to various shots of them holding various title belts.]
Godiva: For those of you who really don’t know your ‘istory. I’m part of that wonderful team, the Misfits. You know, the team that’s won 18 tag-team titles throughout the ruddy world. The team that buries every opponent thrown in our way. Well, enough about that. I’m ‘ere on me own because there’s something out there that I must ‘ave. And that’s that solo recognition. Don’t think I’m ‘ere to get anything less than a championship. Cause I’m not. I ain’t about to make a whole flippin’ ‘eap of friends, neither. Right, I’m all about busting people up, ‘urtin ‘em, but good. Oooh la, I’m out of me sisters’ shadows. I get to be me. OWA, That’s bad news for you.
Cut to scenes from the ICWF. Godiva flashes Shawn “the Heartbreaker” Kidman before superkicking him senseless. Cut to: Godiva straddle pinning Venus after much “foreplay.” Cut to: Godiva flashing the crowd in a white mink.]
Godiva: I can be a bad girl sometimes, can’t I? Well, that seems to make me popular. They invited me to the OWA to pick up on me wicked, wicked ways and express meself. And don’t worry. I will. The OWA won’t be the same again. Love and kisses, ducks. Ta!
Fade out as Godiva blows the camera a kiss.]
Ed: Godiva Rage set to make her OWA debut right here next week.
Biff: Where do these people come from????
Ed: Let’s go back to ringside.
OWA TV Championship: Virgo vs. Taleis
Announcer: This match is one fall and it is for the OWA TV Championship. The challenger has also put up his spot at the Press Your Luck tournament. First introducing the challenger. He weighs in at 245 pounds. This is Taleis! And his opponent. Weighs in at 275 pounds. He is the current reigning OWA TV Champion. Here is Virgo!
Ed: Here we go. This one has been brewing for some time. Both trading words over several weeks and now it accumulates to this match up. If Taleis wins, he becomes the TV Champion. If he loses, he gives up his spot at the Press Your Luck tournament
Biff: The bell rings and Taleis nails Virgo with a spinning let lariat. Dropkick by Taleis. Virgo scurries to his feet and is met by a superkick from Taleis. cover. one. two. Kickout by Virgo.
Ed: Now hold on. The Crew is making their way to ringside. Monty and Shogun at least. They are conferring. From the other side Mr. America, crutches and all has appeared. He shouting encouragement to Taleis.
Biff: Monty and Shogun come closer to ringside. Taleis whips Virgo off the ropes and Shogun reaches under and trips Virgo. The referee is right over there. Telling them to stay away from the ring.
Ed: The Crew taking exception to comments made by Virgo in recent weeks. Taleis is talking to the ref. not wanting to get disqualified. Virgo goes for a kick to the midsection, but Taleis catches and Virgo nails him with an enzuigiri kick.
Biff: Virgo nails him with a cartwheel kick and then locks in a back suplex. Virgo with a backdrop driver. Virgo with a dragon suplex and a cover. one. two. Kickout by Taleis. Virgo with a legsweep and a belly to belly suplex.
Ed: Mr. America on the side. He’s shouting to Taleis. Virgo with another belly to belly and a cover. One. two. Now hold on just a second. The Crew has charged the ring and are stomping on Virgo. Mr. America is up on the ring apron.
Biff: The referee is trying to get them out. Taleis and Mr. America are conferring. Referee has called for the bell. Taleis talking to the referee. We have a lot of confusion here at this time.
Announcer: Can I have your attention please. The referee’s decision is that this match is a no-contest. There is no winner.
Ed: The Crew coming back to the ring to argue with the referee about that decision? What’s going on here?
Biff: Something’s fishy in Kansas. Uh oh. Here come Mr. Commissioner.
The Commissioner comes down and takes the microphone and the TV title, “I have no idea what’s going on here, but I’ll tell you this. I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all. Consider this belt held up. Next week, Virgo, Taleis and two more contenders. Asian Invasion and Rachel Ryan will meet in the ring in a four corners match, with the winner to come out with the OWA TV Championship.”
With that said, the commissioner takes the belt and walks off.]
the scene: a crowded airport terminal. A flight from Tokyo has just arrived, and the passengers are entering the terminal. The camera focuses on a casually-dressed young man with a carry-on bag slung over one shoulder. On the side of the bag is a large “#1”. The man is involved in a very one-sided conversation with a distressed-looking young woman]
Man: And the food! How can they get away with serving crap like that to first-class passengers on an international flight! Of course, normally I would have flown my private jet back to the States, but. [notices the camera: Hey! I didn’t give anyone permission to film me!
Grateful for the distraction, the young woman takes this opportunity to make her escape]
Cameraman: But this is for OWA television, Mr. Foster. Just in case you had a few words to say upon your arrival.
Foster: Oh, I’ve got plenty of words to say to the trash that populates the OWA, but for now I’ll keep it short and sweet. Ladies and gentlemen, feast your eyes on the number one talent in wrestling today! I’ve been a champion, I’ve managed champions, I’ve beaten some of the best this sport has to offer! And now, I’ve come to the OWA to add each and every one of your names to the ever-growing list of losers who have been sent on a one-way trip to the Twilight Zone, courtesy of yours truly! Take a seat, peons, because I’m running this show now!
Foster shoves his way past the cameraman as the scene fades out]
Davey music begins playing…]
30 Minute Ironman Match: Diamond Brett Robbins vs. Davey Scott
Announcer: This match is one fall and is a 30 minute challenge match. First coming to the ring, weighing in at 271 pounds. This is Davey Scott.
Soon, a flash of pyrotechnics roared in the gateway and Davey comes running and slides into the ring, Davey walks to center of the stage, and pick up the microphone. ]
Davey: This is for you Alex. The End of the MP!!! RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
crowd goes crazy!]
Announcer: Ring Announcer: And his opponent. From Can-
Crimson Scorpion hits the ring and takes the microphone from the ring announcer.]
Crimson Scorpion: A man like this needs a quality introduction, and you junior just can’t shake it.
Crimson Scorpion looks over at Davey Scott.]
Crimson Scorpion: Hiya Davey, how’s the fax machine? Hit the music!
“You Could Be Mine” by Guns & Roses blasts over the P.A. system. The cavernous arena fills with horrid boos.]
Crimson Scorpion: From Canoga Park, California. Weighing in at 287 pounds, the man who put Mr. America out of action. You know him, and deep down you know you love him. Ladies & gentlemen, I proudly present Diamond Brett Robbins!!!
Diamond Brett Robbins comes down the aisle wearing a “Bill Dundee for Commish!” T-shirt.]
Ed: This is a 30 minute ironman challenge match. Most falls in 30 minutes. There the bell and Robbins is turned around talking down some OWA fans and from behind, Davey Scott with a rollup. one. two. three!!!
Biff: What the??
Announcer: With one pinfall, at 8 seconds into the match, Davey Scott leads 1-0
Ed: Robbins is not happy about that at all. He’s jacking with the referee and from behind again, another roll up. one. two. three!
Biff: That was a fast count. What the hell is going on here??
Announcer: With another pinfall at 30 seconds into the match, Davey Scott leads 2-0.
Ed: Robbins slides out of the ring. He has to gain three pinfalls in the next 29 minutes in order to win this match. Robbins slides into the ring. Scott with a clothesline and another. Bodyslam and another by Scott. Scott off the ropes with a flying clothesline. NO! Robbins with a duck. Robbins off the ropes, nails Scott with a flying forearm.
Biff: Backdrop driver by Robbins and a cover. one. two. kickout.
Announcer: 10 minutes gone. 20 remain.
Biff: Robbins with a dragon suplex. cover. one. two. three!
Announcer: With one pinfall by Brett Robbins at 11: 31, Davey Scott leads 2-1
Ed: Robbins off the ropes with a flying bodypress, but Scott ducks and Robbins falls out of the ring. Scott off the ropes and goes for a tope but Robbins moves and Scott hits the guardrailing. Robbins rolls back into the ring as the referee counts. one. two. three. four. five. six. seven. eight. nine. ten!!
Biff: Now it’s all tied up.
Announcer: Brett Robbins with a pin at 19: 32, the score is tied 2-2
Biff: Scott is able to roll back into the ring. Robbins with a reverse neckbreaker DDT. cover. one. two. th. Kickout by Scott. Robbins with a springboard legdrop. He pulls him up and nails him with a backspin DDT.
Ed: He’s not going for the pin. He pulls up Scott and cinches in the underhook. Could be a piledriver. NO! Scott with a backdrop. Robbins to his feet. Scott nails him with a kick and a belly to back suplex. cover. one. two. th. Kickout by Robbins.
Biff: Scott with a side suplex.
Announcer: 25 minutes gone. 5 minutes remaining.
Biff: Scott with a piledriver. cover. one. two. th. Kickout by Robbins. Scotty with a belly to belly suplex. one. two. th. Kickout by Robbins.
Announcer: 27 minutes gone. 3 remaining.
Ed: Scott with a cross corner whip. He charges in but Robbins lift his knee. Front layout suplex by Robbins. cover. one. two. three!!!
Announcer: Brett Robbins with a pinfall at 28: 43. Robbins leads 3-2
Biff: Both guys are down. Robbins gets up. Scott with a roll up. one. two. thre. NO!
Announcer: Winner of the match, 3-2, Diamond Brett Robbins!
Suddenly, Crimson Scorpion blasts Davey Scott from behind with a chair. Davey Scott falls to the ground with a sickening thud. Diamond Brett Robbins and Crimson Scorpion stomp on the prone man’s back. Diamond Brett motions to Crimson Scorpion, who leaves the ring to get a table.]
Ed: This is how they put Mr. America out!
Crimson Scorpion sets up the table as Diamond Brett puts Scott on the top rope. Then the Californian blasts Davey with the Diamond Death Drop through the table. As Crimson Scorpion spits on the beaten body of Davey Scott, DBR grabs the mic.]
Diamond Brett Robbins: OWA, That’s two! Who wants to be next??
Various OWA officials storm the ring and the two wrestlers high-five.]
Biff: Alright. I’m gonna go talk to these jokers.
Biff Franklin heads up to the ring as Crimson Scorpion comes walking down to the ring in his anti-OWA clothes. Crimson Scorpion enters the ring to a chorus of boos.]
Biff: I’d like to welcome you out here Crimson Scorpion, but it would seem that the fans don’t.
Crimson Scorpion: Right now, I don’t really care about the fans because Brett Robbins exposed them for what they really are.
Ed: Hold on, we’ve got someone else down here!
The camera catches something off in the side view and pans down to show a man coming up from under the ring. He struggles out as a knee brace can be seen on his knee and he’s holing a crutch. He pulls himself up quickly as Crimson Scorpion has his back to him.]
Ed: Wait a minute. That’s.
The man nails Crimson Scorpion in the back and at that point is shown to be Mr. America. Mr. America slides into the ring with a bit of trouble and bring his metal crutch with him. Mr. America starts to pound away on the knee of Crimson Scorpion as Biff Franklin moves away startled by the whole scene. Diamond Brett Robbins charges down to the ring with Big Russ in tow. Mr. America backs off from Crimson Scorpion who is holding his knee in pain. OWA officials run down to the ring and keep Brett Robbins and Big Russ from entering the ring. Mr. America grabs the mic from Biff Franklin, who high tails it out of the ring.]
Mr. America: We’ll lookie who’s back Robbins. It’s your old Jim Duggan wannabe friend. HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
The crowd cheers.]
Mr. America: That’s right Brett and this time you get to listen to my shoot! Let’s start at the beginning Brett! I’d say it was what? A year ago Brett that Live Action Wrestling became your employer and put food on your tables and condoms on your… you when you’d head over to Alyssa’s house? Yeah I believe that was it. You and Scorp here started off a feud, your careers were already headed down the same path. [BEEP: Brett, the only thing you ever did that was worthwhile was win a secondary title and after that your career hit a downward spiral and you haven’t pulled yourself out of it yet! You tried stealing the title back from good ol’ Ed Salazar and you made a damn hypocrite out of yourself for condemning the Underground for doing it. Just remember something Brett, Vlad left the Underground a long time ago. As for the patron of the LAW Underground at one time. Scorp, you won the world title from Axel and then dropped it to Hardcore. Jesus Christ that’s pathetic! After that you became a liquored up has-been like the resident “legend” in the OWA. Dreaming of recapturing past glory? Remember one thing Scorp, you left the Underground for that Pooh worshipping cult and that was the dumbest thing you ever did. Big Russ of all people. You held a title and then lost it to some Reign of Terror flunky. Christ Russ, I bet that made Eddy turn over in his grave! As for you, you claimed that you were Underground but you never were a part of the team. You were just too stupid and slow to realize that you were just a hired hand. As for the rest of MP Inc. with Plague and Kodiak hitting rock bottom and high tailing it from the league, you are all that’s left and this makes my job even easier.
The members of MP Inc. shout insults towards the ring as Crimson Scorpion is helped back to the locker rooms holding his knee.]
Mr. America: Yeah, yeah. I’ve heard it all before Brett. It’s the same old scenario, just like Alyssa on her back on a Friday night is the norm around her apartment.
Ed: Uh… folks I’m sorry that you have to listen to these comments.
Mr. America: You, Mr. Legend of the OWA himself. Let me explain one thing to you and get this through your head Anthony because whether or not you’re a saint makes no difference. You’re still new to these games of post and pre-match fun. You call on the UEA and call it crap. Bash MP Inc. all you want Hazard, but leave the UEA out of it or you’ll have me to deal with and this time I won’t let it slide! That’s where I got my start and if you keep up the bashing I’ll slam you and your heritage around so quickly that you’ll be standing there wondering what in the hell happened rubbing your [BEEP: from the brunt of that fall. Anthony, in a verbal spar I’ll win and if you piss me off. I’ll win the physical spar just as easily. Face it Hazard, right now you’d rather me be on your side.
Mr. America throws down the mic and exits the ring with some trouble. He hobbles his way back up the aisle.]
Press Your Luck Report
Myers: Welcome to your Press Your Luck report. They’re dubbing it, Seven Deadly Sins. Press Your Luck will be held in Fresno California at the Selland Arena on June 29th.
The main event will be for the OWA Championship. Current champion Traci Lane will defend her title against the number one contender, The Disco Kid Freddy Fever.
Another match signed for Press Your Luck is being called The Seven Deadly Sins match. It’ll pit former-Femme Monica Brant against The Wild Child Wendy Ryker in a seven stipulations, best of seven falls match. Here’s how it’ll work. Monica Brant and Wendy Ryker will alternately pick six stipulation for the match and the OWA Commissioner will pick the seventh. That’s one stipulation for each fall. The first fall could be Coal Miner’s Glove match, a Hair vs. Hair match, a steel cage match. It makes no difference. The first person to win four falls will be declared the winner.
An Internet Title match has been signed. Champion Consuelo Salyards will be taking on Executioner in a best 2 of three falls. Home Court Advantage rules. More on that next week.
Also just signed for Press Your Luck. The battle of the Enforcers. “The Enforcer” Adam Sanchez battles “The Enforcer” Rachel Ryan.
Now, the thrust of Press Your Luck is the Press Your Luck tournament. Here is how this tournament works:
16 names are put into a barrel. The barrel is rolled, and then two names are taken from the barrel and put into a second barrel. Those names will not be revealed. The names in the second barrel are for those advancing to the second round. Then, two more names are drawn and announced. Those two will wrestle. The loser is out of the tournament. The winner will then flip a coin. If the coin lands on heads, then the wrestler is advanced to round two, and two more names are drawn. If the coin is tails, then an another name is drawn as an opponent for the winning party and they’ll have to wrestle a second first round match. There is no limit on how many times you can wrestle in a single round. If a person is unlucky enough, they could wrestle 15 matches in the first round. Of course, if they were to do that, they’d win the tournament. Once all wrestlers names have been drawn, then we advance to round two.
Again, two names will be drawn and set aside, advancing to the next round. And we continue as we did in round one. When all names are drawn, we continue the process, without setting aside names in each round after the second. When there is only one person left in the tournament, then they will be declared the winner.
The winner of the tournament automatically goes to the main event in our August PPV to face the OWA Champion.
Asian Invasion, Taleis, Big Russ Gator, Crimson Scorpion, Davey Scott, Wolfgang Von Richter, Pretty Boy Monty, Danny Bouchard and Diamond Brett Robbins have already advanced.
That’s all for the Press Your Luck report this week. I’ll be back next week with more info on the card.
“Mr. Speed” song by KISS starts to blare through the speakers as Ricky “the SHOW” Hype emerges and makes his way down the rampway, cheers coming from all corners of the arena. Kids are doing their “Hype Shuffle” imitations, girls are waving and blowing kisses, and there are even some fans wearing altered tuxedo tops with Ricky’s green, black, and white colors. Hype jumps up and into the ring and is handed the microphone]
Ricky Hype: First things first everyone.
Hype turns and sticks his tongue out at Biff Franklin then does the “Hype Shuffle” as the crowd roars and laughs in approval. The camera narrows on Hype in the ring. Behind him in the crowd are signs reading “HYPE ROCKS!”, “THE SHOW MUST GO ON!” and “HYPE.’s RIGHT! BIFF SUCKS!”]
Ricky Hype: I just wanted to come down and say thanks to the Champion, Traci Lane, for accepting my challenge. Among all the OWA wrestlers full of themselves and spewing uncontrolled babble, Traci has been a great representative of our league. *pause* Traci, I said I would make sure the Elite is in the spotlight all the time, so you know what that means right? Yep! It’s gonna be another spectacle to behold. “The SHOW” will engulf the entire arena with the proper flare a title match should have. I expect to see all your friends at ringside so that they can /mingle/ with mine. *smile* Now let me get outta here so the Champ can wrestle. Good luck tonight Traci!
Ricky does the patented “Hype Shuffle”, spins around doing his best six-shooter imitation, then hops over the top rope and heads back up the rampway to his theme music “Mr. Speed” sung by KISS]
Ed: Fans, coming up, we’ve got a match featuring two of the greats in the OWA, as the matriarch of the Crew, Stacks Coltrain, takes on the leader of the Femmes, Traci Lane!
Biff: Oh, who cares. These two are just a couple of buddies who’re gonna roll around on the mat for a few minutes and then take off for beer. Couldn’t you come up with a more interesting main event?
Ed: Such as?
Biff: Well, you could have a match with Ricky Hype tied to a stake in the middle of the ring, against me with a baseball bat!
Ed: And pray tell, what would you call such a match?
Biff: A piñata! (Laughs uproariously.)
Ed: Biff, you are hopeless. Let’s go to the ring for the introductions!
OWA Championship: Traci Lane vs. Stacks Coltrain
Announcer: Fans, the following contest is set for one fall with a 30-minute time limit for the OWA Championship. Introducing first, at 185 pounds. She is a former OWA heavyweight champion. Accompanied to the ring by Pretty Boy Monty. Here is Stacks Coltrain!
(Stacks walks out, with Pretty Boy Monty in tow, as her music blares out across the arena. She leaves Monty outside as she ascends the steps and enters the ring.)
Announcer: And her opponent. Led down the aisle by the giant, Gustaffson. She weighs in at 194 pounds. She is the current OWA world’s champion. Here is “The Black Widow” Traci Lane!
(Traci’s music starts up, and moments later she steps through the curtains, trailed by the Giant, Gustaffson. She slaps hands with the fans as she strides to the ring.)
Ed: The fans are cheering Traci on as she enters the ring. They’ve really come to love her as champion.
Biff: Yeah, she’s your typical white-bread goody-two shoes. Remember when she and the Femmes were the biggest instigators in this fed? They were cool then! Now, they’re just boring.
Ed: I’m sure the fans would disagree with you there, Biff. They exchange a hug, then there’s the lockup. Short clothesline from Traci! Stacks is staggered, and Traci follows up with a European uppercut. She’s going for the swinging neckbreaker — Stacks counters with a side suplex!
Biff: And now Stacks with some momentum. Full nelson applied to Traci — Dragon Suplex! She goes for the cover. one. two. Kickout by Traci.
Ed: Now Stacks has her set up, is going for the piledriver. Traci counters with a backdrop. Traci up, she’s going for a suplex — Stacks rolls her into a small package! Kickout at one.
Biff: They’re up, and Traci has her around the throat. A pickup and a CHOKE SLAM!!! Big move for Lane!
Ed: And she’s not wasting any time. She’s got her back up, sets – Russian legsweep!
Biff: She’s really trying to stay on top of Stacks!
Ed: As we’ll she should! Stacks is a great wrestler and a former champion herself. Traci approaches, and Stacks with a kick to the gut. She’s got Traci set up, and hits with a JACK KNIFE POWER BOMB!!!
Biff: Awesome impact! She goes for the cover. one. two. thr—NO!!! Kickout at the last second!
Ed: Stacks has Traci in trouble. She picks Traci up, she swings her into position — there’s a tombstone piledriver! Traci is really stunned.
Biff: Now Stacks carries her to the turnbuckle, and plants her on top. Now she follows her up, hooks her under arm, and goes for a top-rope DDT — NO!!! Traci throws her off for a front-layout superplex!!!
Ed: Traci coming back down, and slings Stacks into the ropes. She catches her coming off — spinebuster slam!!! Traci goes for the cover. one. two. Kickout by Stacks.
Biff: Traci pulling Stacks up — clothesline out of nowhere by Coltrain! Now she locks Traci up and STICKS the dragon suplex. There’s a backspin DDT by Coltrain. Stacks really asserting herself here.
Ed: Stacks places Traci on the turnbuckle again. She’s got her hooked — and this time NAILS the top-rope DDT!!! Traci really stunned on that one. The ref counts. one. two. Shoulder up.
Biff: Traci still in this one. Stacks nails a jumping neck snap, then hauls Traci to her feet. OH! Beautiful standing dropkick! Traci staggers back up, and Stacks nails a savate kick! She goes to the second turnbuckle and waits as Traci struggles up, then sends her back down with the double axhandle!
Ed: Traci is REALLY stunned here. Stacks is her equal in the power game. There’s a spinning DDT from Stacks, and now she’s going back to the top. She’s waiting for Traci, and Lane back on her feet. Stacks leaps for the flying clothesline — and TRACI DUCKS!!! Stacks hits head-first!!!
Biff: Traci getting her second wind! She sticks a swinging neckbreaker, then pulls her up and hits with a gutwrench suplex. There’s an elbowdrop, and another, and Traci now has her in her arms – MILITARY PRESS!!! Is she going for the Gorilla Press Piledriver?
Ed: No! She tosses her back down, then rebounds from the ropes and hits a kneedrop. Stacks staggers back to stand, and Traci stands her up with a European uppercut. She rebounds from the ropes and NAILS a running clothesline!
Biff: Now she’s setting Stacks up for a piledriver in the middle of the ring. Stacks is thrashing her legs — and counters with a backdrop!
Ed: Wait! Traci’s countering THAT with a sunset flip! There’s the count. one. two. THREE!!! And Traci Lane hangs on to defend the championship!
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner, at 17 minutes and 16 seconds, and STILL OWA champion. The Black Widow, Traci Lane!
Ed: Stacks and Traci with a post-match hug. These two are still the best of friends.
Biff: Come on, one of you can get a great cheap shot in here — awwww, nuts, they’re all walking out together!
Ed: It’s called sportsmanship, Biff. Heard of it?
Biff: Yeah! I’ve heard it’s for losers!
Ed: (Sighs.) At least you’re consistent. That brings us to the end of this broadcast and the hits just keep on coming as next week, Traci Lane defends her title against Ricky Hype and the four corners match for the TV title. For the whole OWA broadcast team, we’ll see you next week.