THE TRIPLE A
We open on a shot of Atara Themis at a small cafe, looking through the paper. He spots a real estate ad for a room for rent in an ol’ house on 210 Kramer St. Using a BIC pen, she circles it nodding. She smiles as the waiter approaches her.
Waiter: What can I get you, ma’am?
Atara: I’m feeling lucky today… surprise me.
Waiter: Okay… one salmon fish sandwich stuffed with pickles and mustard and a goat’s milk for the lady… surprised?
Atara: You know what? Put a hold on… whatever that is… heck, throw it away if you have too… I’ll just have a foamy latte. Please and thank you.
Atara is walking down Kramer St when she spots the beat down old house at 210. She sighs, desperately needing a place to live. She looks down at the paper and begins walking towards the house not paying attention.
She accidentally bumps into Adi Gold, both falling on their butts.
Atara: Hey, lady! Watch where you’re walkin’ next time!!
Adi(mouth full of food): Srrughy…
Adi(swallowing it): Sorry again. I was just enjoying this fresh salmon pickled sandwich… wasn’t paying attention.
Atara: Eww… really? What no mustard??
Adi: Yuck! Mustard!?!? What am I a gross pig lady?!?! Oops, I lost a pickle…
She picks up the pickle from the sidewalk and quickly stuffs it in her mouth.
They help each other up and begin walking… towards the same house??
Both realizing they are there for the same room for rent. They begin racing to the house. Pulling and tearing at each other. Fighting at each other. The door opens.
Real Estate Agent: WHAT’S GOING ON OUT HERE!!??
Adi & Atara: HUH!!?!?!?
Real Estate Agent: Get up you two… you’re making a scene…
Adi and Atara look around to spot a quiet dead neighborhood but one single old man watching the girls as he licks his lips.
Atara: That… is just…
Atara: Holy, I was just going to say ‘Creepy!’ It’s like we finish each other’s …
Adi: Hamster wheels!!
Atara rolls her eyes.
Atara: Well since I was here first… I will take the room, my good man.
Adi: Wait… I was here second. That’s number 2. Wouldn’t you want TWO cookies over ONE cookie?!?! Think about it…it’s my room.
Atara: Yeah but wouldn’t you rather have one cancer-like tumor killing you from the inside than two killing you even faster??
Adi thinks about it.
Adi: She makes a point. A very, very dark point. But a point no less…
Adi: I guess I will be leaving…
Atara: See ya! Show me to my room, Mr. Mister.
Atara rubs her hands together smirking.
Real Estate Agent: Well… we actually have TWO spare rooms.
Adi in cartoon fashion appears directly next to Atara. Adi smiles at Atara who sticks her tongue out towards Adi.
Real Estate Agent: Well there is a catch. You will be having a THIRD roommate.
Atara: That sounds alright to me…
Adi: Hey I am game too… is it some sexy Three’s Company-like situation. Where this hunky guy is stuck with two babes and has to pretend to be gay to the landlord. I think that’s the premise for Three’s Company. Or was that Ghostbusters…
Atara: You’re an idiot…
Real Estate Agent: No, no, no. It’s just the owners somewhat daughter… Allie.
Atara: Oh, Allie. Just us three girls partying all night and part of every day. I need my sleep, so not a full 24 hours party and… ahhh… we’ll see. Can we meet this Allie?
Real Estate Agent: Absolutely. Follow me to the back yard…
Adi and Atara follow the agent through the house.
Adi: Hey, Atara… you think this Allie girl is fat??
Atara: Doesn’t matter… why?
Adi: Well we have to share a fridge, I don’t want her eating all my wafer cookies. You either…
Atara: Don’t worry about me… do I smell shit-shit?
Adi: I think I stepped in dog shit on the kitchen floor…
Atara: I hope she doesn’t have a dog…
Adi: Well what other kinds of shit could I have stepped in??
Real Estate Agent: Ladies… meet, Allie. The Alligator. Your new roommate.
Adi and Atara’s eyes widen as the audience cheers and laughs seeing the Alligator grunting and hissing in the grass.
Adi: A Guh-Guh-GATOR!?!?! WHAAAAAA!?!?!
Atara: There’s no way we can stay here with a live alligator, right? Hmmm, how much was the rent again…
Real Estate Agent: Well, Mr. Fleck will be happy to PAY YOU TWO to stay here. Free rent and free food. He will send money to you every week and all you have to do is just take care of his beloved Allie.
Atara: Wow, this sounds like something out of a bad screenplay or sitcom.
Adi: I can’t do this… I mean, free rent and free food does sound legit. But, Atara… how can we live with an Alligator?
Atara: It did cross my mind that it could try and eat one of us… but I can run pretty fast… so it will likely just get you… so bonus!
Adi: Oh… cool. Wha-wha WAIT A MINUTE!?!?!?
Real Estate Agent: Worry not ladies, Allie is harmless. Just gotta feed her some fish and pickles and everything will be…
Suddenly Adi jumps into Atara’s arms who catches her as Allie the gator angrily tears off the real estate agent’s arm. Blood begins squirting out and he crawls on the ground screaming in pain. Adi and Atara, shocked, staring at the man silently squirming in pain.
HELP ME! HELP ME!
Allie rushes him again and begins chewing on his right leg… ripping that off too. Finally, Allie goes for the head killing the agent right there. As Allie chews on his face, Atara drops Adi on the ground. Both still frozen in fear.
Allie the gator burps as the audience cheers and applauds.
Adi: Um, do you still want to do this?
At night we see a whole made in the backyard. Adi and Atara are dirty covered in dirt and sweat. They each take a part of the agent’s body and toss it into the grave.
Atara: Easy peasy lemon squeezy!
Adi: You are taking this almost too well…
Atara: I just live in the moment. And this moment has me burying this poor sap.
Both Adi and Atara turn to the house hearing the doorbell ring. Atara holding up the shovel. They both sneak into the house and quietly and slowly approach the door. The open it to see a woman standing there very anxious.
Woman: Hi, have you heard or seen my husband Tom? He was working for Mr. Fleck trying to get this old place rented. Have you seen him?
Adi and Atara bit their lips looking at each other awkwardly. Allie can be seen behind them. Allie burps again as the laugh sound effects kick in.