THE TRIPLE A
FIGHT GATOR, FIGHT
Opens on an exterior shot of the ol’ house on 210 Kramer Street. Atara can be seen napping in her bed. Beside her is an alarm clock radio saying 7:59am… Suddenly the radio turns 8:00am and Jefferson Airplanes SOMEBODY TO LOVE blasts via the wake up alarm.
Atara looking annoyed puts her head under a pillow. Doesn’t help. She reaches to turn off the alarm, even put it on snooze. Can’t figure it out. She then calmly crawls out of bed. Grabs her near side hammer (everyone should have one near your bed) and she begins smashing the clock radio repeatedly until it is in pieces. ~LAUGH TRACK~
Atara, nods in satisfaction and about to hop back in bed. She hears Adi outside screaming the lyrics to Jefferson Airplanes SOMEBODY TO LOVE.
Adi: … YOU BETTER FIND SOMEBODY TO LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!
Atara storms down the stairs, hammer in her hand and storms to the back yard where she sees Adi wearing a hockey mask and an oversized fly squatter singing songs while whacking Allie the Gator with it. Allie, very pissed hisses and growls at Adi while Atara looking confused wonders why Adi she is doing this. She lifts up the hammer to smash in Adi’s brains. But brings it down, not wanting a murder charge on her record. So, she asks…
Atara: Adi… do I even have to ask?
Adi: Ask me what? Why Russell Crowe is eating himself to death? The guy is the size of a rhino.
Adi: No? Try yes?!?!
Atara: Not about Russell Crowe, Adi. And yes, the dude is rhino size large, but that’s aside the point. Why are you whacking Allie the Gator with a fly squatter? Isn’t she dangerous enough already?
Adi: Oh… well I signed Allie up for a GATOR fighting tournament. That’s right, Allie and 3 other gators will be going at it in a wholesome family fun fight. Winner gets 5000 dollars. And 100 dollars in Alligator food.
Atara: Seriously? This… might… be… your… craziest idea… yet… but I LOVE IT!
Atara and Adi high five each other.
Atara: It’s going to be awesome seeing Allie tear the other gators apart with her teeth. Crushing their bones and legs and their tiny feet too. AND if we lose, no more Allie… It’s a double win. Hell, maybe a triple win… if you get arrested. Then the house will be ALLLLLLL mine…
Adi: Me? Get arrested? Pfffff. If they didn’t get me for what I did to those golden retriever puppies in the park lake, they will never catch me for something like this…
Atara: That was you?
Adi: Huh? What? WHO? HUH!!?!?
Atara: Whatever… when does this tournament begin?
Adi: Tooooooo-night! Her first opponent is some Albino Alligator. Pfff. White things never do well in these competitions. Name one successful white fighter?
Atara: Only one? Name a green one?
Adi(thinking):……. trick question. The referee is color blind? HA!
Atara: But it was you who said… huh? Never mind. Let’s get dressed and get ready for this blood fest tonight. You make the sandwiches and I’ll get the drinks… where is it happening anyway?
Adi: Only the friendliest family fun place there is in the whole world.
SCENE CUTS TO A SHOT OF AN ABANDONED TOYS R US.
Adi and Atara can be seen walking towards the abandoned toy store dragging Allie the Gator behind them with their chain. They see a small Asian American man riding a mechanical car swinging back and forth.
Adi: Hi… we’re here for the family fun Gator Fight Tournament…
Asian Man: Secret password?
Atara: What’s the password Adi?
Adi: Damn, I wrote it down on my hotdog with ketchup so I wouldn’t forget!
Atara: Did you eat it? Did you eat the password?
Adi: Noooooo… ok yes, I did.
Atara: Ok… listen guy…
Atara grabs the man by his shirt collar lifting him up off the ground holding her hammer in her other hand.
Atara: You let us in here right now or i will stick this hammer so far up your ass… that… well… you will have a god damn hammer stuck up your asshole. Let. Us. In!
Adi: KETCHUP! That was the password.
Atara drops the man hard on his butt as the two pulling Allie enter a smoke filled area surrounded by men and women of all ages, races and sizes. Adi and Atara look at each other and shrug. The door slams shut behind them.
Gordon Lightfoot’s Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald plays as a montage of slow motion shots are shown.
*We see a shot of money being thrown around.
- Blood squirting on some poor lady’s face.
- Atara shouting something with money in her hand.
- Adi throwing eggs into the fighting circle and then slowly sneaking the eggs into her purse
- Allie runs at the Albino Gator tearing off the lower mouth as blood gushes out.
- Atara and Adi hugging each other for Allie’s victory.
The scene and the song fades out to black with a shot of Adi and Atara with Allie holding a giant cheque that has $5000 dollars written on it. They are standing over 3 dead alligator bodies.
CUT TO BACK AT HOME
They enter the house cheering and laughing together. The living room area is near pitch black. Adi reaches around for the light switch. When turned on, they spot a man standing there looking at them.
Man: Hello, ladies. My name is Mr. Fle- – –
Atara without any hesitation whips the hammer at the head of the man knocking him out down to the ground. Blood pouring out of his forehead.
Adi: What did you just do?
Atara: I… threw my… hammer at that man, and that was WRONG of me… he could have been a vagrant Adi!
They rush over to the body. Atara starts digging in the man’s pants. Adi nods.
Adi: Yeah, yeah. Let’s see how big of a pecker he’s got!
Atara: I’m looking for his wallet, doofus.
She finds the wallet.
Atara: Mr… Fleck?
Adi: Ben Affleck?
Atara smacks Adi in the back of the head.
Atara: No… Mr. Fleck. The guy who owns Allie the Gator. The one who is paying us to stay here…
Adi: …. yeah…
Atara: The home owner, stupid… what are we going to do?
Adi shrugs as Atara turns around to see Allie the Gator licking its mouth approaching the body of Mr. Fleck.
Atara: Come here, Allie girl. Time for supper…
Adi: Oh dear…
The screen freezes on a shot of Allie the Gator about to chew on Mr. Fleck’s head as Adi and Atara look on in horror as the credits roll.