Fallout from Halloween Horror; Virgo defends the TV title against Ricky Hype

(A dark television screen, and a voice-over.)

VO: Welcome to the Ultimate!

(The letters UCP flash across the screen, and we see shots from Halloween Horror. We see Mr. America front suplexing Davey Scott through a table. We see The Executioner pinning Consuelo Salyards and becoming the North American Champion. And we see Traci Lane pinning Monica Brant and retaining her Cruiserweight Belt. The screen then returns to black.)


(After a few seconds, it fades in to a shot of current TV champ, Virgo. Virgo sits in his locker room, the UCP TV Title on his shoulder. He smiles, and is talking on the phone.}

“Yes, I got it. Of course….yes, I know……So take care of them……Yes….Tell Rigor and Mortis to take it….No, I can’t. I have other obligations……yes I know….listen, I can’t talk now, but have them meet at HQ. I got something to discuss. Yes. Fine.”

{Virgo hangs up the phone, and looks at the camera.}

“I told you I would do it. Reverse Choke Slam, America? To you, maybe. But to countless others, that finishing move is known far and wide as the Face Plant. Perhaps if that’s not to your liking, you would like to feel the pain of my submission finisher, The Equalizer?”

{Virgo stands, and takes the belt in his hands}

“I said I would take the belt back, and I have. I am the two time UCP TV Champion. When I say things happen, they usually do. I said I would throw America from a roof. I did. I said I would dominate in another fed. I do. I said I would retake the TV Title. I have. So what’s next? I get America one interesting Christmas present. Sorry if it’s a little early, America, but I didn’t think you could wait.”

{Virgo chuckles, setting the belt beside the non-UCP belt.}

“What every American aspires to be. Hah. If you are what every American aspires to be, then I thank the heavens I am Canadian, where the populace don’t aspire to be a dimwitted imbecile like America. In Canada, life is made easier for everyone. We have health care. We have education. What does the USA offer? Mr. America training seminars. Not worth the paper they are printed on.”

{Virgo turns, and looks at the camera again.}

“The UCP has been in operation for a number of weeks, and the Crew have yet to say a word. Do you hate me that much? Perhaps. But if you don’t wake up, the thief can rob you blind while you sleep. And in this case, your valuables are rankings. I would love to stay and chat a while longer, but being a champion in a number of places, I do need to be elsewhere. I have a career to experience. Tata.”

{fade out as Virgo leaves the room, carrying both belts with him.}

(The screen again fades in, this time we see Elaine Bryant and Shelly Marks sitting behind the infamous UCP desk.)

Elaine: Virgo enjoying his victory at Halloween Horror over Taleis. Hello, I’m Elaine Bryant and with me, as always, is Shelly Marks.

Shelly: And, now that we aren’t sitting in some restaurant in the middle of nowhere, we’ll be able to bring you Virgo’s first title defense, as he takes on Ricky “The Show” Hype.

Elaine: But, before that, we’ve got responses from several of the UCP superstars about what went down last Halloween. Who’s up first, Shell?

Shelly: Let’s see (checks through some papers in front of her.) First, we’ll hear from. Davey Scott.

Davey Scott

On filthy streets of some downtown slums, Davey Scott stands. Davey is wearing blue jeans, white t-shirt, and boots. Davey looks in disgust around, and looks like he can smell something foul.]

Davey: Phew. Look at this mess. The garbage, the slime. Even the dirt. This hear my friends, is the American dream, that man with three brain cells he needs a walking encyclopedia name Jennifer walking by him so he doesn’t say the Civil War happen in 1963. This is what he told me I couldn’t catch the grasp of. No wonder, the slime is so slippery, it will pass through any ones fingers. Well, except those with the big buck. You talk about confidence then you talk about Virgo being lucky? Virgo may of been lucky, but face it you half-ass pea brain, one superplex and you would be crashing through that table, and you would have so many splinters, raise them and curl them, and we have a perfect example of a poodle! You got lucky, Mr. America. Luck which you will not find the next time!

Virgo, you think you are the hottest thing off the press because you got your silly little belt back, am I correct? Let see if you can hold it longer than the last time. I challenge the person who comes out of the TV Title match, this week. To a match with the same title on the line! Virgo, you think you are SO great! Come here, BOY! Show Daddy what you got and bring the belt!

Shelly: Seems like Davey’s slumming this week.

Elaine: Well, after facing someone like America, he probably wants to rinse himself off.

Shelly: That was one of the more spectacular matches at the Horror, America and Scott facing off in the final round of the Wheel of Torture tournament. After America front suplexed Scott through the table, he earned himself a shot at Traci Lane for the next Pay Per View, Deck the Halls.

Elaine: But let’s not forget, Davey was injured going into the match, and injury that’s been plaguing him for a long time. It’ll be interesting to see if Hype or Virgo accept Scott’s challenge after this week’s match.

Shelly: Speaking of challenges, and of America’s perfection, we’ve got an exclusive interview with Adam “The Enforcer” Sanchez that Elaine covered in the midst of Halloween horror. Seems like he had a few things to say about Mr. America, and several other UCP wrestlers.

Elaine: Me? I thought you did it!

Adam Sanchez

Elaine Marks finds the Enforcer sitting in his locker room after Halloween Horror]

Elaine: Enforcer, do have any comments on your match this evening with Monica Brant?

Enforcer: All I’ve got to say is that I hope this doesn’t turn into a Fatal Attraction kinda thing with her copying my uniform. I mean really, what kind of person imitates a pro-wrestler? Think about this for a second. She obviously is deluded and I think the UCP should seek some counseling for her.

Elaine: Are you ignoring the fact that regardless of her current state of mind that she beat you and could in a few minutes be the new UCP Champion?

Enforcer: Oh, I don’t worry about that. Shell never win. Because she can’t win without this.

the Enforcer reaches into a gym bag and pulls out Monica Brant’s purse]

Enforcer: I took the liberty of having a fan give it to me after the match. It seems a might heavy. Anyway, I made the mistake of thinking that the purse could beat me just by getting hit with it. It distracted me and let Brant get the jump on me. It’ll never happen again.

Enforcer: and before I forget, I have a little something to say to Mr. America.

Elaine: Did he say something about you? I wasn’t listening.

Enforcer: Mr. America, I have to give you credit. You have done what I never thought possible. You have single handedly [CENSORED] off every wrestler in the UCP individually in a single interview. That takes skill, BUT. I seem to remember you owe me a dance in the squared circle. You managed to get yourself injured to avoid it last time, but now I don’t think you can run away. America, I don’t claim to be the enforcer OF anything. I’m just the Enforcer, plain and simple. Do believe I’m flattered that Rachel Ryan wants
my identity, but it’s not up for grabs. I have an idea. If you’re so concerned about monikers and epithets than why don’t you put yours on the line when you wrestle me? The loser has to relinquish claim to their title. If I lose, I’m just plain Adam Sanchez, if you lose, you will no longer be called America’s perfection or whatever the hell you think you are. It’s a simple wager. You must be the betting type or else you wouldn’t have tried to [CENSORED] me off.

Enforcer: Shiva, you think you’re hot now don’t you? You beat Mariko! Woo hoo! I beat her in my first match back in the OWA. She fights like soggy bull hell. If you want a fight come to me. I’ll be more than happy to kick your [CENSORED] any day.

Elaine: Well, that was [CENSORED] weird.

Shelly: Seems like Adam Sanchez taking [CENSORED] offense to Mr. America’s [CENSORED] comments before his match on [CENSORED] Halloween.

Elaine: Wouldn’t it be interesting to see those two [CENSORED] go at it? Looser has to come up with a new [CENSORED] gimmick?

Shelly: Maybe. Anyway, next we’ve got the new [CENSORED] North American Champion, Executioner. Seems like he’s a little [CENSORED] about the whole [CENSORED] situation with Freddy [CENSORED] Fever.

Elaine: hell


(We see Shelly Marks waiting in an interview area. Off camera, we hear Executioner’s voice, apparently talking on the telephone.)

Executioner: Yeah! Yeah! I understand his condition and the Money involved! Look this man was a Friend of mine once. Whatever I can do to help him or his family out I want to do! I don’t Care how much this could cost me. Listen your just my Lawyer ok, now get your ass on the phone and tell Freddie’s family that whatever they need from me, to just call
you, and anything they want I want you to personally take care of it, Do you Understand me…?? Ok, I gotta go do an interview with Shelly Marks, so just keep me informed! Yeah I understand! Ok! Yeah bye!

Executioner hangs up the phone, looking concerned he heads over to where Shelly is sitting waiting for him]

Executioner: Hi Shelly,. Sorry about that I had some business to take care of, what’s up?!

Shelly: We’ll first of all Executioner I want to congratulate you on winning the North American belt, you had a very impressive win over Consuelo.

Executioner: Thanks Shelly, You know Consuelo is a great competitor and arguably she is the greatest North American champ to date, I just happened to get the win this time around

Shelly: And you were not even given much of a chance to win this match, in fact both Ed and Biff had predicted that Consuelo would come away the victor and retain her Championship

Executioner: Well like they say Shelly, that’s why we play the game. Or in our situation that’s why we wrestle the match, and you know Shell, I’m not a slouch either. I have held multiple belts in this federation, and that came from hard work and studying my opponents, not Predictions!

Shelly: Ok, so what’s next on the slate for The Executioner? Is there anyone you would like to wrestle next?

Executioner: Hmmmmm. I really haven’t thought past this last match. Really, I don’t care who’s next. If you remember Shelly, when I was the OWA Heavyweight Champion, I took on all comers, and accepted all challenges. In fact, I was probably the most fighting champ this federation has ever seen. I just happened to run into a buzz saw in Traci Lane.

Shelly: Yes, you and Traci had some classic matches! Any plans on going for her title in the near future?

Executioner: No not at this time, for now I’m just going to concentrate on being the North American Champion! Would I like to wrestle Traci Lane again? Hell, yes! I love a challenge and she is a great wrestler. One, in fact, I’ve yet to beat, so I would love another shot at her.

Shelly: I’m sure you will get another shot sooner or later, is there anything else you would like to comment on? What do you think of the new cruiserweight format?

Executioner: Honestly, I don’t care for the new format. In my opinion, we lost some great talent because of the weight restrictions. For one, the Giant Gustaffson, and how can you claim to be wrestling the best in the world when there is a weight limit? But for now I will just have to deal with it. One other subject I would like to bring up is the Infamous Mr. America, the human hate machine! For some reason he seems to have a small problem with me! Something about I always stick my foot in my mouth? Why does he say this? Because I said I usually don’t interfere in others matches? So Mr. Wonderful comes up with I jumped in a match that Virgo had a while back! So lets look at this! I have been in the UCP going on 2 years and I get involved in 1 match, yet when I say that I usually don’t interfere in others matches, I am sticking my foot in my mouth? America wake up! You are so busy kissing your own behind! You’re the one sticking one’s foot in one’s mouth. If your so sure of my wrestling style or so sure of what I have done in my career then at least back it up with facts, not just bullshit! It pisses me off that I’m even mentioning this your so damn arrogant that you get off anytime someone mentions your name, but you just sit back and attack peoples character and integrity with no basis or facts and I’m not gonna sit back forever and let you take free shots at me!!

Shelly: It’s not only you Executioner, Mr. America tends to get into every ones business, and he is the best at it, that’s why he is considered the heat machine of the UCP. But we are running out of time here, so any last comments or concerns…??

Executioner: Yeah! I want to wish Freddie Fever a speedy recovery, he is sorely missed and impossible to replace here, my thoughts and prayers go out to him and his family! And as before boys and girls let the challenges come in and I will accept each and every one of them, now it’s time to have some fun!

Shelly: Thanks Ex. This is Shelly Marks signing off!

Shelly: Executioner promising to take on all challengers for his Internet belt.

Elaine: Yeah, I’ll believe it when I see it. If Ex learned anything from his very brief stint as OWA champ, it was that you should pick and choose your matches.

Shelly: I’m sure Traci Lane wouldn’t agree with that statement, Elaine.

Elaine: Oh yeah? We’re talking about a woman who defends the belt, what, every Pay per View? That’s why she’s still the champ, because she doesn’t get out there and defend every week.

Shelly: Well, we have a segment coming up with the champ, as we’ll as Rachel Ryan and. Mr. America?

Elaine: Oh, great.

Rachel Ryan, Traci Lane, Jennifer & Mr. America

The scene opens up to a wrestling ring and weight equipment assorted around it. Mr. America stands near the ring apron wearing a pair of sweat pants and an old Toledo Rockets t-shirt. He’s watching a woman in the ring wrestle. Her long, blonde hair is tied back into a ponytail. She’s wearing an emerald green singlet with a black sports bra on. Her opponent is a well-muscled bald man in black tights and boots.]

Mr. America: Come on Jennifer. You keep applying those submission holds too close to the ropes!

Jennifer releases a figure-four leglock on her opponent. She brings her opponent to her feet and sets up for a double-underhook piledriver. The man straightens up and backdrops her.]

Mr. America: Be patient, Jennifer! Wear him down some!

Jennifer kips to her feet as the man advances, and she rolls him to the mat with a side headlock. America applauds and says,]

Mr. America: Good, good! Cinch it in!

Traci “The Black Widow” Lane and Rachel “The Enforcer” Ryan walk in, to stand beside America. Traci nods as Jennifer keeps the big man under control.]

Traci: She looks like a natural in there. If she can get a better sense of her location, shell be dangerous.

Mr. America: Yeah, That’s what her main problem is right now. Shell pick up ring positioning though. We all get it after a while.

Rachel: Yo, Alex. [She tosses him a beer.] That was a good match at the pay-per-view. Guess we’re even now.

Mr. America catches it and pops the top. He takes a sip.]

Mr. America: Ah, an ice cold Colt 45!

Mr. America gives a cheese grin towards the camera.]

Mr. America: Good match? I got out with a win by the skin on my back. That was a great match. We’ll have to do it again this time, but minus a baseball bat. Rach, you and a bat aren’t a good combination in the ring when I’m your opponent.

Rachel: We’ll haveta get a rubber match in sometime. [She nods toward Jennifer.: What’s your prognosis? She got the stuff?

Mr. America: She’s got the stuff, but she’s still learning. She’s no Lane or Ryan yet, but I’m working on it.

Rachel: I sure hope so. She’s kickin’ ass in the weight room, but that don’t always translate into ring skill. I figure with two former world champions and another multi-title holder developin’ her ability, shell be cuttin’ off a big part ‘o the learnin’ curve.

Mr. America: Oh yeah. The thing I can’t give her is an even match right now. That’s where you and Traci come in. I appreciate the help. As far as I can see now, she’s got a lot more skill than some people I’ve wrestled that have been in this sport for a few years. She’s intelligent and that helps a lot, plus there seems to be a natural talent there.

In the ring, the man struggles to his feet, and slips out of the headlock with a go-behind, wrenching her arm back behind her. Jen struggles with it for a moment, searching for an out.]

Traci: Counter, Jen. Like I taught you.

Jen nods, then reaches back and takes the man by the back of the head. She jumps and then sits down, driving his jaw into her solid shoulder. The man bowls over, cradling his face, as Jen rolls to stand and goes after him.]

Mr. America: Excellent move! I didn’t think you could do a Cutter from that position.

Traci: It’s something Rachel and I have been working on. It happened somewhat by accident, but it works quite well.

Mr. America: I’ll say. I’ll remember that one.

Jennifer drops an elbow onto the guy and hurries back to her feet. She drops a knee across his chest.]

Mr. America: Work on one specific part of the body!

Jennifer brings the man to his feet and whips him into the ropes.]

Mr. America: Bad idea! Keep him on the mat!

Jennifer ducks a running clothesline by the man, and meets him coming off the ropes with a flying dropkick that knocks him down hard. Yanking him up, she tucks him in, and hits him with a leaping piledriver. She looks out to America and grins.]

Mr. America: Okay, now cover!

She shakes her head, and pulls the man back up. Securing his head and arms, she sticks the double-underhook piledriver, driving him into the mat face-first. Jennifer rolls him over, and hooks the leg, to gain the three-count. Slightly exhausted, she stands and has her arm raised by the ref, then slides out to stand with the group.]

Mr. America: Jennifer, while it’s good to use your finisher to finish someone off, if you can take the pin at another opportunity. Go for it.

Jennifer: True, but I prefer my version of the piledriver to finish people off. Hello Ms. Lane and Ms. Ryan. I’m happy you could make it.

Traci: Our pleasure, Jennifer. We’re impressed by your potential, and wish to cultivate it properly.

Jennifer: I understand. I would like to reach the acme of my potential as we’ll before I set out on an endeavor to reach my first title reign.

Rachel: Yeah. We wanna make you a better wrestler, too. [She smiles and winks at Traci.]

The three ladies giggle.]

Mr. America whips out a pocket dictionary.]

Mr. America: Ah to hell with it. I’m articulate enough without knowing all those damn big words.

The three ladies laugh.]

Mr. America: To put it simply, Jennifer. If you fail… my foot, your ass, see the connection?

Jennifer rolls her eyes as Mr. America takes another chug from his beer. Jennifer looks over at him and frowns.]

Jennifer: Beer? Why are you poisoning your body with that substance?

Mr. America takes another chug.]

Mr. America: Hey, it’s the drink of champions. I grew up on this stuff and cold pizza.

Jennifer sighs.]

Jennifer: I highly find it possible that Ms. Lane and Ms. Ryan take that stuff into their systems and are still able to maintain the level of athleticism they have.

Mr. America picks up his bag.]

Jennifer: Where are you going?

Mr. America: Somewhere I don’t have to listen to Webster every second of the day.

Jennifer crosses her arms.]

Jennifer: Where’s that?

Mr. America: It’s where I can find the triple combo That’s hard to beat.

Jennifer: What’s that?

Mr. America: Beer, women, and music.. Nuff said.

Mr. America heads out as Jennifer glows with anger. Mr. America gets out the door as Jennifer turns to Traci and Rachel.]

Jennifer: It would appear that I was wrong about him. He is still nothing but a sexist pig.

Rachel puts her arm around Jennifer.]

Rachel: Jen, believe it or not, That’s a big part of his charm.

Jen arches her eyebrow at her.]

Jennifer: I beg your pardon?

Rachel: Come on, girl. He’s a man. He may be a crude, insensitive dog, but you can’t expect me to believe you want some prissy mama’s boy. And the way you look at him just ain’t consistent with somebody who claims she isn’t interested. Hell, there’s enough sexual tension between you two ta wind a clock.

Jennifer: Well. True enough, but he could at least manifest some intelligence. And some class.

Traci: Jen, I think we share a lot in common — smarts, culture, and a degree of refinement. So I understand your mindset. But as pleasurable as it can be to meet a man who shares your tastes, I can assure you that it can be equally entertaining — sometimes moreso — to spend time with a man who is seemingly your opposite. [She smiles.] I have an idea. Have him take you out to a club, I hear he knows of some good ones.

Jennifer: Hm. that might be interesting. Very well, I’ll make him do so.

Traci: “Make him?”

Rachel: My kinda girl!

They laugh, and lead Jen off-camera as the view fades….]

(A shot of Elaine and Shelly, both trying to control their laughter. Shelly notices the camera is on, and pokes Elaine. Both women slowly regain control and address the audience.)

Elaine: Ahem, well, more interesting developments from the Femmes camp.

Shelly: Yes, I hope we get a chance to see more of Jennifer’s training techniques. (Both women start to laugh again, but quickly regain control.)

Elaine: Well, up next we have today’s main event. Virgo vs. Ricky Hype for the UCP TV title. We’re going up to Biff and Ed for the commentary.

UCP TV Championship: Virgo vs. Ricky Hype

Ed: Welcome back folks. It’s time to get ready to rumble!

Biff: You just keep getting cheesier and cheesier, Ed.

Ed: This is our main event, folks, where we’ll see Virgo defend his title for the first time.

Biff: I still can’t believe virgin boy actually won against Taleis. Man, this fed just keeps getting stranger and stranger.

Announcer: Fans, this next match is scheduled for one fall, and is the main event of the evening! (Crowd pop) It is for the UCP Television title, with TV time remaining. Introducing first, the challenger. He weighs in at 250 lbs. This is Ricky “The Show” HYPE! (The crowd has a mixed reaction as Ricky parts the curtains. Some boo, some cheer, but they all do it loudly. Ricky comes to the ring, high-fiving a few fans.)

Ed: Hype with a shot at the TV title tonight, and he looks seriously focused.

Biff: He’s going to have to be. As much as I don’t like Virgo, I’ve got to admit he’s developing a serious edge these days.

Ed: Amazingly astute observation, Biff.

Biff: Yeah, and your mother dresses you funny.

Announcer: And the champion. He also weighs in at 250 lbs. Here is VIRGO!

(The crowd pops it’s fool head off as Virgo parts the curtains. He walks to ringside, looking calm and confident.)

Biff: And now we get to see if Virgo’s really got what it take to be champion here in the UCP. Bell goes, and we’re underway.

Ed: Hype starting off strong with a series of rights to Virgo’s face. A whip to the ropes and a knee to the midsection from Hype! Hype now lifting up Virgo. choke slam!

Biff: Ricky using Virgo’s own finisher to take him down early in the match. Looks like The Show is learning how to think in that ring.

Ed: Hype with a cover but not even a one count. Too early for that. Now Hype with a pick up, and a small package! 1. 2. kickout!

Biff: Nice series of moves here from Ricky, keeping Virgo unsteady. And now locking on the STF!

Ed: Too close to the ropes, though, and Virgo grabs his way out of that one. Virgo pulls himself out of the ring, and Hype doing his infamous shuffle.

Biff: It’s been a little over a minute in this match, and he’s already got Virgo heading for the hills. Hype’s got this match sewn up.

Ed: “The Show” seems to agree, as he gestures to the TV belt and taunts Virgo outside the ring. Virgo climbing back into the ring, Hype greets him and the two men exchanging blows by the ropes. The ref trying to break it up, and Virgo getting in one last shot as the two are separated.

Biff: Nice try, Virgo. Hype comes in again’ belly-to-belly and Virgo’s on his back once more. Count by the ref. 1. kickout. Hype back on his man, a pick up and a whip to the ropes. Clothesline, no ducked under by Virgo. Sleeper by the champ!

Ed: Virgo had the presence of mind to slap on a sleeper, though he doesn’t seem to have it hooked in very well. Hype’s arm’s flailing, trying to get the ropes and he clocks the ref!

Biff: And now Hype with a jawbreaker on Virgo, getting him to release the hold. The ref’s shaking his head, but he seems to be none the worse for wear after that shot from Hype. I guess those vitamins the pres made them take are finally paying off.

Ed: Virgo coming in now for a headlock. Hype slips out and a Russian legsweep! Nice counter wrestling from the challenger tonight.

Biff: I’m telling ya, Hype’s got it all together. Virgo can kiss that belt goodbye. In fact, it looks like Ricky’s gonna help him do just that! HA!

Ed: Hype tossing Virgo to the outside, and then following him out. Virgo keeps moving, back into the ring, Hype after him. Cartwheel kick from Virgo! Hype downed by that surprise move from the champ!

Biff: Virgo with a pick up and a backbreaker! Hype hurt on the mat as Virgo drops an elbow. And a pin! 1. 2. kickout. Hype’s not that hurt, moron!

Ed: Another pick up and a whip to the ropes. Hype reverses, charges off the opposite ropes. Shoulder tackle from Virgo! Both men down.

Biff: Both men stunned by that lucky move from Virgo. Hype to his feet first. Leg drop on virgin boy!

Ed: Why do you keep calling him that?

Biff: You wouldn’t understand, Eddie baby. Hype dragging Virgo closer to the corner. Hype up, and a fistdrop to Virgo’s empty head! Cover. 1. 2. yes!

Ed: Nope, shoulder up at the last second. Hype shouting something at the ref, but the ref waves it off. Biff, in all your years of wrestling, has yelling at the ref ever actually gotten a wrestler anything?

Biff: Yes.

Ed: What?

Biff: A suspension. Virgo getting tossed to the ropes by the next TV champ. Kick to the mush! That’s going to hurt whatever slim chances virgin boy had of getting a date tonight!

Ed: Hype now calling for the Modified Bulldog! If he hits this, it’s a cinch Virgo’s title reign is over. Pick up, in the corner. Hype charges. A push off from Virgo! Hype hits the opposite turnbuckle. He looks stunned as he stumbles back. Virgo’s Face Plant! Hype down and Virgo covers! 1. 2. 3!

Biff: Oh bugger.

Announcer: The winner of this match and still UCP Television champion. Virgo!

Ed: A great win from Virgo.

Biff: HA! That was luck, pure and simple.

Ed: Aren’t you the one who always says it’s better to be lucky than good?

Biff: Shut up, Ed, you bother me.

Ed: Well, from my shoe-chewing companion, this is Ed and Biff saying so long for this week’s Gospel Truth!


Biff: Are we off?

Ed: I think so.

Biff: Good. You know, Ed, you did a great job calling that match.

Ed: Oh no, Biff. You were spectacular tonight. I loved that virgin bit.

Biff: Yeah, but those shots at the end were hilarious. I never would have come
up with that.

Ed: Well, thank you, Biff. Say, wanna go get something to drink?

Biff: Sure. I know a great place just around the corner.

(Shelly and Elaine are sitting at their desk, looking stunned.)

Elaine: Well.

Shelly: Umm. Yeah. Well, that’s it for this week’s Twilight Zone. I mean, Gospel Truth. See you in the arenas, folks.

Elaine: Man, what’s next? Monica Brant and Mr. America bar hopping together?

(The credits run as the two ladies switch off their mikes and the lights dim.)

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